Well we just got back from a wedding in LA. This was the first wedding that I actually had to leave early (and not because of the babies!). It was at the old LA cathedral - they just refinished the floors, took out the altar (and St. Vibiana herself) and left everything a hollow shell. I fully realize that the church was decommissioned, but something just felt so wrong. We were tempted to drive everyone out of the Temple just like Jesus. I know there are several other Christian churches that have been transformed into restaurants/event venues, but something about knowing that Jesus' true presence used to be there just irked at me.
The beauty of struggling to get through this wedding was finally understanding why the church conducts weddings as it does and has not fallen for the secular notion of "personalize everything." It was a "church" setting with Rev. Julie and her roman collar (I won't even get into that one) and the processional had secular music which honestly made it feel more like a fashion show. Now I get why we need the more solemn music for weddings within the context of the mass: it's about Jesus!! While it may be your wedding day, the focus still needs to be on Christ, just like it needs to be for the rest of your life.
There were 2 bible passages read and part of the verdict from Goodridge vs. The Dept. of Health, Massachusetts, 2003. That'd be the case that said it was unconstitutional for gay couples to "marry." For the first time in my life I felt truly offended. It felt like a complete mockery of the sacrament and of the Christian beliefs they were professing to have those words in their ceremony. If we would have known that passage was being read during the wedding I don't think we would have gone to support them now that we know how they feel about marriage and knowing that they will not support and defend all real marriages - even their own. Sad day. Anywho this taught me why it was important to have the Liturgy of the Word be a part of the ceremony - we should all be reading and hearing it as much as possible and it should just be a natural part of our lives and something we look to when we are celebrating or grieving or anything in between.
The last thing I think I finally understand is why the Church does not let people write their own vows. From the perspective of a bride it sounds really romantic and great...not so much from a guests' point of view. I didn't really care to know that my cousin loves her new husband "like a fat kid loves cake." This is something that can go on a card or can be said in private. The choices that we have for vows really truly spell out the responsibility that we are undertaking. Promising to "love you forever because you are my soulmate" is no where near the same as vowing to love your spouse "or better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Anywho I guess this post is somewhat of a vent for me. I'm really struggling with the way weddings are being treated in my family. Next up: another cousin has decided to "elope" to Hawaii and have a regular wedding reception when they get back because they can't afford a wedding (silly me thinking that the reception is the expensive part!)...please pray for my sanity. I never thought it'd be this difficult to convince Catholic women that having a Catholic ceremony isn't a financial or social burden!
5 comments:
Excellent thoughts in this post.
You're right: a Catholic ceremony isn't a financial burden in the long run. But I have to say: when we were getting ready for our wedding, I had a hard time believing that it's ethical to charge a couple above and beyond $1,000 to receive a sacrament (which has no monetary value, to my knowledge), plus a required coordination fee, a required musician fee and a required pianist fee, perhaps exceeding $2,000. I realize that it’s not a lot of money in the long run: it’s only money that’s going to a good place, especially since, yes, the reception is a lot more expensive. But the principle of charging people an unnecessarily large amount for a sacrament that all engaged Catholics have the right to receive anyway seems like, well, a rip off, and this could be a reason why some engaged Catholics choose to elope or have their ceremony somewhere else.
For the Catholic churches in Canada, the required ‘fee’ for the sacrament of marriage is a donation. My cousin got married this year and the cathedral at which he and his new wife got married asked for a $250 donation and then an additional $80 or so for the Engaged Encounter weekend. It was more or less the same recommended donation with about four other weddings I've attended in Canada within the past six years and they were all Roman Catholic weddings with a full mass. We actually found the church portion of our wedding to be treated more like a business instead of a sacrament and that left a horrible taste in my mouth (except for the priest that we asked to marry us, who was amazing!).
That might have been like that just because it was Los Angeles, but nevertheless, it's easy to see why some people would become disillusioned by the Catholic Church and not want to get married in one. There was one day I left the church sobbing because one of the priests at our church was surprisingly cruel and cold to us. When we contacted one church to inquire about their wedding information when we were first engaged, the secretary told me that the church was so expensive because (and I quote) “it’s beautiful and a lot of people want to get married here”. I felt like I was in 'The Da Vinci Code'!
Hopefully this wasn’t an experience similar to anyone else’s. I think I vented a bit and I know I’m still hurt by the ways I was treated a few months back (I recall a memory where I laughed through tears almost convinced that it was all just a test from the church to see how much we actually did want to get married). Nevertheless, I’m fairly certain that it was Los Angeles-related. God love them. Again, I just wish that the churches like these would put the sacrament ahead of the financial profit and, as you said, definitely inspire engaged couples to not just have a holy marriage, but also a sacramental marriage. Receiving that sacrament was one of the most beautiful moments of our lives and people could definitely miss out on the graces that come from it.
Very good reflection, Andi! And what a great picture!
KaT,
It is against Church doctrine to charge ANYTHING for any Sacrament. It was most certainly an LA thing, since they are not fond of Church doctrine as can be seen by the way most LA churches treat the mass. So it is incorrect to say the "Church" charged you those fees, that was rather some greedy priest / parish ignoring Church law to their own ends (and detriment).
Oi vei, that is a sad day. What a shame for them to miss the beauty of the sacrament, and the graces, which are invaluable! I'm glad it ignited a fire in you for a Christ-centered marriage though, OM. May that always burn in your heart.
Kat, I'm not sure if you have a home parish you're fond of in LA, but there are a few really solid parishes, where I know you'd never have that experience. They're run mostly be solid orders, not diocesan, which makes them very different from your average LA parish.
One is St. Therese in Alhambra, run by the Carmelites. We have a very young new priest who at times runs an hour long at daily mass because his homilies are so jam-packed with theology. There's is not a liberal bone in the churches body, and they also offer Tridintine mass every Sunday at 1pm.
Another is St. Peter & Paul Parish in Wilmington, near Long Beach. It's a stunning church and is run by the Norbertines from St. Michaels's Abbey. Both of these parishes have perpetual adoration and the tabernacles in the center of the church, which is a good sign of an orthodox parish.
Hope you find an awesome parish for your newly formed family! And congrats to the newlyweds!
Thank you for the feedback and the parish suggestions (and the congrats! :) )... we're still on the lookout for a home parish but there's one by us with a priest that gives excellent homilies and really gives us some good (soul) food for thought. If we're ever in the areas you mentioned, I'd definitely want to check out those parishes though. Thanks again!
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