Prepared for Attack, Not Love

So, three months ago, I bore our little son. Being our third baby here (one in heaven), we prepared for his coming in all different ways: boy clothes, new diaper inserts, switching rooms around, re-reading birthing techniques books, etc., etc.

We also prepared ourselves for the main attack: other people's comments.

I had heard horror stories from my friends about the comments you'll get about how you're overpopulating the world and you must be having kids because you have nothing better to do, or just exclamations of "3 in 4 years!" or "Better you than me!" and the like.

Now, I am that classic person who can never think of a good response until about 2 hours after I should have said it. And for some reason I was determined not to let someone say something rude without having a good response. So I thought for oh... 9 months about what I would say. I'd play different scenarios in my head and come up with snappy replies.  If they say this; I'll say THIS! If that, I'll quip back THAT! No unthinking pseudo-intellectual grocery shopper will get the better of me! (Because, really, don't all those comments happen when shopping for groceries?)

However, for the past 3 months, I've been completely caught off-guard by people's comments. So loving. So kind. I walk down an isle and I swear some women start to coo. I live in the Northwest where people are known to be standoff-ish, but I have had more people talk to me since having our little one than I ever remember before. They stop me and tell me all about how they had 3 kids and how they just loved them. How their kids were close together, and how much they loved playing together (and are still close as adults!). How they love that my girls are in pretty girly clothes and my boy is in blue. How cute he is. How cute the girls are. How they can tell the girls are good big sisters. How much they want a baby. How much just seeing the kids gives them the baby bug. How their grandkids are about my kids' ages. Sometimes we'll get told funny stories of what their kids used to do when they were little (and now the grandkids are doing the same things, which made the granddad who told us one story SO happy!)

Honestly, it is almost overpowering.

The last time I went to the store a lady stopped me and we must have talked for about 10 minutes (baby was asleep and the girls just weighed our bag of tomatoes about 4,982 times). Turns out she has 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. They have grown up and now she is expecting her first grandchild in Jan. and her second in March. She told me all about them and ended with "They are wonderful. Just wonderful." Then she looked at mine for a couple seconds and said "And so are yours. I can tell. They will be wonderful!"

I love it. I love all of it. It's not that we didn't used to get comments. We definitely did before, but it's different now. People are more open. I somehow think it's because it's expected that you'll have 1 or 2 kids. But 3 kids - especially so close together - you only have on purpose. You only have because you love having kids. And everyone loves kids. Even grouchy people smile when a baby smiles at them. And so I feel like I have a sign on me saying "Yes. I obviously love kids. Come tell me if you do too!"

So when I do get some negative comment, which I'm sure I will, and I forget my planned out, snappy response, I hope I remember all the loving comments. I also hope the grouch gets stuck in line with me while a chatty grandma who is missing her grandkids decides to dote on mine. Then they'll witness the only natural and proper response to kids: love.

One in a Million!

Hey Everyone!

For those who have not heard yet, my brothers officially have a diagnosis! After over 21 years, we are finally starting to get some answers!

To find out more... Check out this link: Luckiest Family

Have a blessed day!

Follow-Up to previous Pride and Prejudice Post

Check this out...seems I am not the only one who thinks we need to resurrect the courting of Jane Austin's day.

http://www.colleenhammond.com/blog/2010/07/love-and-courtship-in-the-time-of-jane-austen/

For all you moms out there...

"Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love" - Mildred B. Vermont

Dress Dare Effect

So doing this dress dare has had an effect on me in a lot of ways. One of the ways I was not expecting is some sadness after talking with a lot of women about the whole subject of women encouraging other women to wear skirts.

I have had many, many conversations with (mostly) other women about the dress dare. And I've been surprised to discover a lot of deep feelings and often hurt feelings. Basically the hurt comes from women who have been told (or think they are being told) that even though they wear very modest pants, that if they were *really* Catholic/faithful/pious they would wear skirts instead. So they feel put down, hurt, judged, and some even end up going to confession with the "sin" of wearing pants.

Now, just to be clear - I believe I can speak for everyone on the blog when I say that wearing pants is not a sin. And no one here is trying to say that, or make anyone feel like a bad person or not as pious a person if they wear pants. Sin comes in when you, for example, walk out of the house wearing pants (or a skirt for that matter) that is so tight you can almost read where your under lovelies come from, and you KNOW that wearing it will lead another person to lust, and you KNOWINGLY wear it anyway.

Sin is one thing and healthy to talk about, but right not for another day. The dress dare is different, with a whole other intended effect. The dress dare is a challenge that says "ok, given that we're trying to be modest, trying to follow Our Lady and reflect her. How can we do this more? How can we remind ourselves everyday (even if it's annoying because our jeans are right there, calling to us!) to focus on modesty?" In the end, we're asking how can we love others even more. Because modesty has to do with others. If we were on an island by ourselves, we'd wear whatever we liked best and worked, be that sweat pants or a ball gown. But we are challenging one another to love others more through what we wear. Not because wearing pants is not loving, but because we want to do something different, something that classically is seen as feminine and more often easily modest, and focus on it.

I really liked Chantal's post talking about the Miraculous Medal. St. Max Kolbe encourages people to wear the medal NOT out of a sense of duty but out of love. It's a special way to show your love for the woman who said the ultimate Yes to Our Lord. This past week I've really been trying to remind myself that this is why I struggle to wear skirts this month. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of love. Love for others by focusing on being truly beautiful (and therefore modest) and ultimately love for our model of True Femininity, Mary.

The intended effect of the dress dare is to promote Love, something that women do in a very particular way. I'm just now really trying to figure out a way to promote this love in myself and others without hurting other women (the exact opposite of what we're trying to do).

Learning to Trust

This past week, I faced one of the scariest moments of my life, when I started severely bleeding and having contractions only 22 weeks into my pregnancy with our 2nd child. We rushed to the hospital, without a clue of what could be happening. All I could think or say to my husband on the way there was, "We just have to trust because we are doing all we can. Whatever's happening is happening." When the nurse had me and the baby on the monitors, and the Dr. performed an ultrasound, we were relieved that little Lukas was stable. Being a nurse, I was the calm one between my husband and I, trying not to show him I was concerned when I could read that the Dr.'s and nurse's faces still showed their concern.

It was when the doctor did a full exam and had a real look of concern at all the bleeding that I started to get scared. When the nurse and Dr. left the room, separated by a curtain, I overheard the nurse ordering a blood test for a condition called DIC, which was one of the scariest conditions I learned about in nursing school. This is an emergency condition in which the body increases clotting and bleeds at the same time, so there's really nothing they can do to treat it. They can't give clotting factors because it could cause more life-threatening blood clots, but they can't give blood thinners either because that could increase the bleeding. One can die at any moment from a blood clot to a vital organ, or suffer fatal bleeding. Pregnancy is a risk factor. Fortunately, my husband left for a bit to go check on our daughter who was at her grandparents' house, since we knew we'd just be waiting for the blood-work for a while. The nurse sat by my bed most of the time, because she was monitoring me very closely. I had a few hours, while I waited for my blood results, to think about the possibilities of the results. For the first time in my life, I had someone testing me for a serious life-threatening condition, and I had to face my own mortality.

Ultimately, all I could do was remind myself of the words I'd spoken to my husband a few hours earlier. I could not change the results of the test. All I could do was pray, and trust in the Lord. Thankfully, though I'm still undergoing further tests, things looked good enough that I could go home on bed-rest. It looks like the main culprit is a low-lying placenta, that partially tore, but that will hopefully move as the uterus expands. DIC is still a possibility for me as some of my labs have been slightly off, but now is the time to learn to be dependent. I am dependent on others right now to care for me, my child, and my husband. More than anything, little Lukas and I are completely dependent on the Lord. Really, it's no different than any other day, because the Lord is always in control. We are all His children, nestled in His arms, relying on Him for the gift of life, grace, and love. It's up to us to hug back, knowing He'll always have us.

Sarcasm oops

Forgive me because this post has nothing to do with our dress dare but is something I thought worth sharing. In the last week I accidentally hurt the feelings of two wonderful people through "innocent" joking. I used the dangerous humor of sarcasm. Did any of you know that the word sarcasm means to tear the flesh? Although it is at times funny I have learned the hard way that it can be damaging. Women are supposed to bring love into our world. We should be working to build people up and never tear them down even if we don't really mean to. I am making a commitment to stop using sarcasm. I honestly don't use it much but I am committing to not using it at all because I don't think it makes me more beautiful or feminine which is our goal here after all right?

Saintly Beauty

"Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender."

-St. Terese of Lisieux

Saintly Beauty

"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul."

-St. Augustine

A Reflection From Mother Teresa

"I do not understand why some people are saying that women and men are exactly the same, and are denying the beautiful differences between men and women. All God's gifts are good, but they are not all the same. As I often say to people who tell me that they would like to serve the poor as I do, "What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God." It is just this way with the differences between women and men.

God has created each one of us, every human being, for greater things-- to love and to be loved. But why did God make some of us men and others women? Because a woman's love is one image of the love of God, and a man's love is another image of God's love. Both are created to love, but each in a different way. Woman and man complete each other, and together show forth God's love more fully than either can do it alone.

That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother. Motherhood is the gift of God to women. How grateful we must be to God for this wonderful gift that brings such joy to the whole world, women and men alike! Yet we can destroy this gift of motherhood, especially by the evil of abortion, but also be thinking that other things like jobs or positions are more important than loving, than giving oneself to others. No job, no plans, no possessions, no idea of "freedom" can take the place of love. So anything that destroys God's gift of motherhood destroys His most precious gift to women-- the ability to love as a woman."

http://www.catholic.org/clife/teresa/quotes.php

CARITAS IN VERITATE

Our Holy Father's newest encyclical is here! It's focus is a topic we've discussed recently, truth in love, and his insights are brilliant. I haven't finished it myself, but once I started, I could hardly stop, and I can't wait to read more.

He begins by discussing the need for charity to always include truth, and vice-versa. He states, “Truth is the light that gives meaning and value to charity.” Without seeking to share the truth and enlighten those around us, we are not truly loving anyone. “Without truth, charity is confined to a narrow field devoid of relations."

He discusses the need for development of the human person in a world where the focus is on development in science and technology. In the context of this development, he stresses the importance of fraternal love, “Underdevelopment has an even more important cause than lack of deep thought: it is “the lack of brotherhood among individuals and peoples”[52]. Will it ever be possible to obtain this brotherhood by human effort alone? As society becomes ever more globalized, it makes us neighbours but does not make us brothers.” The brotherhood needed is one of love in truth. Our Holy Father wishes us to develop friendships where we call one another to higher virtue, where we push each other to become better human beings, to become what the Lord wants us to be: His saints. As my friends, please always call me on my vices, for that is what sisters in Christ do.

That's just the first few chapters, so I can't wait to read the rest, as I'm sure he'll have so much more insight into this subject, and how we can impact the world, spreading love in truth.

Seeing Through a Child's Eyes

Since Mina has been recognizing people and communicating more frequently in the last few weeks, it's been so fun to watch her interact with people. One day this week, Leo, Mitch, Anna and I were eating lunch and there was a man with dementia sitting at a table next to us. He started speaking to her and she smiled. He sounded crazy to us saying, "I'm going to recruit that boy for my football team, he's going to be strong." To Mina, he was a person, with eyes that she could look into and a mouth to bring a smile to. 

Mina now recognizes us and those she spends time with as familiar faces, but everyone else in the world, she loves because they're a person like her. It doesn't matter what they look like, if their mind is fading, or if they're Dustin Hoffman (who Mina met yesterday in an elevator at LAX). She smiles at them just the same. I just noticed this in her and thought it was such a beautiful reminder, of how we should all love like these innocent children.