So doing this dress dare has had an effect on me in a lot of ways. One of the ways I was not expecting is some sadness after talking with a lot of women about the whole subject of women encouraging other women to wear skirts.
I have had many, many conversations with (mostly) other women about the dress dare. And I've been surprised to discover a lot of deep feelings and often hurt feelings. Basically the hurt comes from women who have been told (or think they are being told) that even though they wear very modest pants, that if they were *really* Catholic/faithful/pious they would wear skirts instead. So they feel put down, hurt, judged, and some even end up going to confession with the "sin" of wearing pants.
Now, just to be clear - I believe I can speak for everyone on the blog when I say that wearing pants is not a sin. And no one here is trying to say that, or make anyone feel like a bad person or not as pious a person if they wear pants. Sin comes in when you, for example, walk out of the house wearing pants (or a skirt for that matter) that is so tight you can almost read where your under lovelies come from, and you KNOW that wearing it will lead another person to lust, and you KNOWINGLY wear it anyway.
Sin is one thing and healthy to talk about, but right not for another day. The dress dare is different, with a whole other intended effect. The dress dare is a challenge that says "ok, given that we're trying to be modest, trying to follow Our Lady and reflect her. How can we do this more? How can we remind ourselves everyday (even if it's annoying because our jeans are right there, calling to us!) to focus on modesty?" In the end, we're asking how can we love others even more. Because modesty has to do with others. If we were on an island by ourselves, we'd wear whatever we liked best and worked, be that sweat pants or a ball gown. But we are challenging one another to love others more through what we wear. Not because wearing pants is not loving, but because we want to do something different, something that classically is seen as feminine and more often easily modest, and focus on it.
I really liked Chantal's post talking about the Miraculous Medal. St. Max Kolbe encourages people to wear the medal NOT out of a sense of duty but out of love. It's a special way to show your love for the woman who said the ultimate Yes to Our Lord. This past week I've really been trying to remind myself that this is why I struggle to wear skirts this month. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of love. Love for others by focusing on being truly beautiful (and therefore modest) and ultimately love for our model of True Femininity, Mary.
The intended effect of the dress dare is to promote Love, something that women do in a very particular way. I'm just now really trying to figure out a way to promote this love in myself and others without hurting other women (the exact opposite of what we're trying to do).
5 comments:
I've encountered both women who've appreciated this dare, and "push" to think about how they dress more, and also, great resistance, and almost annoyance at the dress dare on the other hand. Personally, I don't understand women being annoyed by this dare. We've never said anyone is doing anything wrong by wearing pants, and if someone doesn't want to participate, I don't understand why they'd have a problem with me choosing to wear skirts/dresses for a month. Truthfully, I think it tends to come from a place of, "if you don't repent (in this case, aren't open to a different perspective), you resent."
I also think it's comical that some women tend to use the argument of needing to make modesty "fashionable" in defense of wearing pants, but honestly, I think I've dressed way more "fashionably" according to society this month, because I haven't been wearing my casual jeans and shirts when out chasing around my toddler. I just think, "how does wearing skirts and dresses make me unfashionable?" so that argument makes no sense to me. I've actually found the opposite, that I've had more success evangelizing when not wearing pants, because it's sparked a conversation about why I'm rarely seen in pants.
That said, this dare did stem from love, and the desire to express our love to Mother Mary by dressing more like she did, and continues to (in her apparitions, like Our Lady of Guadalupe). Because appearance is something that I think women are so constantly critiqued for in our culture, I think many tend to be on the defense when anyone challenges them to do something different. No one is saying what they're doing is bad, we're simply exploring, is there something better? Or, how does this affect us?
Beautiful post Jaunebug. Thank you for reminding me why I wear skirts. We really do it because we love the men in our lives and want to be more feminine so that we can more deeply allow and invite them to be more masculine.
Very well said. Talking about pants as being sinful is so off-putting when trying to encourage women to wear skirts and dresses than encouraging. We should see it as a radical embrace of beauty and femininity than avoidance of sin if we want to shape the culture.
Beautiful post-- Jaunebug, you've just given me a lot to reflect about. Thank you!
Good post! I want to add one thought: we do embrace modesty to bless others, but also to bless ourselves, since our apparel directly affects our psychology. Cardinal Siri has an insightful letter "Concerning Men's Dress Worn by Women" in which he explores the affect of our clothing first and foremost on our own perception of ourselves, as well as that of others.
Blessings! :)
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