I love Pride and Prejudice and I know many other women who agree with my sentiment. I love the way the men treat the women. Men in Jane Austen's world refer to the women as Miss or Mrs. Men would bow upon entering or leaving a woman's presence and in return the ladies would curtsy. The way they flirted was subtle and might be as simple as the brush of hands. There was a clear distinction between "good" women and women who were, well, less dignified, to put it kindly. The way couples courted was taken seriously so as to protect the woman's fragile heart. Men would have to ask a woman's father's permission in order to even court her. Men faced personal and social consequences if they mislead a woman, which at times even included the man having to move away. Taking a man's name was a sign of his total and complete commitment to a woman. Respectable men would not dare think to kiss a woman until he knew he was going to marry her, including having received her fathers blessing. I love the last scene of the movie when Elizabeth asked Mr. Darcy what he will call her once they are married and he answers her by saying "Mrs. Darcy" over and over again while gently kissing her face.
So why have women so dearly loved this book for almost 200 years now? I think it is because we all long to go back to those days. Women long to be treated with the respect and honor the men in Austin's novel are treated with. Today women are called all sorts of degrading names and not only do men not bow to us but often time don't even open a door for us to go through. Today dating is very casual and men have lost a sense of the delicate nature of the female heart. Men will even lie to a woman to lead her heart in order to obtain from her something men of that time would have known no good girl would even consider. Women today don't seek their father's permission to date. Often times this is because many women do not have a trusting relationship with their father. And most frustrating of all to me is that we live in a time where women after getting married use the dreaded hyphen because they do not want to give up their last name.
Now, this blog in not meant to berate men. I fully blame feminism for men's behavior but women, if we want our Mr. Darcy, and if we want to go back to a day where we were treated with the dignity God designed for us it is up to us to change things. We need to start acting like woman of that time. We need to wear dresses, let men pick up heavy boxes, refuse to kiss on a first or even third date, and allow men the pleasure of chasing after us trying to prove that they are worthy of giving us their name. Fulton Sheen got it right when he said the following, "To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women."
10 comments:
Gotta love Fulton Sheen! I too love this movie because of the dignity of their courtship.
I'm glad you ended your post with the Fulton Sheen quote. I think a better title for it would have been "Society long's for more Elizabeths'". It is true that since womens' reputation was so important in these days it provided for respectful courtships, but it also tempted women to marry for the wrong reasons (security, status ect.). In this sense, Elizabeth is almost counter-cultural, because she does not compromise her gifts (intelligence, humor, confidence) for marriage, but instead seeks a deeper love. Though dignified, she is not fully concerned about appearances (she has a habit of getting her petticoats muddy) and most importantly she is independent and confident in who she is. She is strong enough to set her standards high and "walk away" from a man. In this sense, Mr. Darcy truly has to work hard to become worthy of her as a whole person, femininity and intellect included.
Hey! There's nothing wrong with keeping your maiden name tucked into your full name!
I think you bring up an interesting point about women and girls not really trusting their fathers. Having 2 daughters I'm seriously worried for what is to come when those teenage hormones kick in. I hope that Ella and Gigi will believe that Matt and I want what's best for them. Fathers really have the power to shape how women and girls relate to the men and boys around them.
My husband and I were recently talking about if we think men in our society today should still ask the father PERMISSION to marry his daughter. We both agreed that he should ask his blessing. My husband asked my father for his permission, who gave it right away. But we were talking afterward, that if my father HADN'T given his permission, we would not be able to marry, since he had asked. But if the father doesn't give his blessing, that doesn't mean we couldn't marry. That would just mean we need to back up and really look at WHY he hadn't given his blessing, and if we really should be getting married. Anyways, we never came to a good answer, other than we want to make sure our son at LEAST asks the father's blessing. Haven't decided still on the permission thing....what do you think?
I totally get what yo are saying Karen. A man needs to at least tell the woman's father "I'd like to marry your daughter" before popping the question. I think it shows a lot of respect for her father and her family. And like you said, if he says "no" then maybe there really is something wrong that needs to be fixed. I may be old fashioned nut I think the man needs to be courageous and do ii by himself without telling his girlfriend. It really takes guts! I was shocked to find out that Matt had called my dad (whom he'd only met a couple of times). It was so romantic. If he would have to me he was planning to do that I prolly would have just done it myself....
I was surprised when my husband asked me to marry him, because I knew he wanted to ask my father, and as far as I knew, he hadn't. Turns out, he got up at 5am when he was visiting once (my dad is an early bird!) and asked while I was still asleep.
I have always said that if my dad says no when a man asks to marry me I will also say no to the marraige. I can only say this though because I completely trust my dad to know what is best for me. I know with my whole heart that if he said no it would be because he knew something was wrong. I told a man I once courted that the order of men in my life is God, my dad, and then him. I told him that he would not move above my dad until engagement. Unfortunately not all girls today have that trust with their fathers. None the less I agree that men need to ask.
Hmmm...
Well, the men do act politely when women are around, but to me, this book (while I do love Austen) shows more of the superficiality there was in society at the time than a good example of love.
Women married for money and security and men married for status and sex. Look at Jane and Mr. Bingley: their prospective marriage is a way for the family to get out of destitution. Or Charlotte and Mr. Collins. That's not why we get married, is it? In fact, that's a horrible reason to marry someone!
Marriage was a contract, not a sacrament and that's not respectful to women or men. I agree with Chantal's point that Elizabeth is more of the role model than anyone else in this text because she wants love instead of security. Maybe we can learn from her.
Women shouldn't care about men rising in their presence more than caring about what those men are thinking of them and their worth. Sure it looks nice, but it's what's inside that's a little more important.
Still a good book though since we get more of a real description of love through Elizabeth. And I do love the idea of asking the woman's family for her hand in marriage. I think that's a wonderful tradition.
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Found this shirt and thought it was fitting.
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