Ok ladies - so I guess I'll be the first to report.. I wore pants.
A couple of days into the Dare, I was getting ready to take my 16 month old on a plane trip down to visit my parents. By myself. All by myself. To some this might not be that daunting, but as a person who's never been super comfortable flying the friendly skies, and as a mama heading into her 2nd trimester with #2, this was stressful.
So, as I like to do before going on a plane trip (and even without a looming flight) I took my little one to morning Mass the day before the flight. What could prepare me more for a possible 3 hours of screaming than the Good God Himself, crucified and given to me, right?
To also help me prepare, I wore the skirt I planned to wear on the plane. Now, I hadn't worn this skirt since my last pregnancy, but thought it would be my best choice, so I pop it on, get the baby in the car and go.
Let's just say that it didn't go well. In fact, it was horrible. It was cold and raining. Someone had put a sign up that said "Mass not in Chapel today." So I trudge around, after going all around the church/school campus, I find that Mass was indeed in the chapel that day. So I'm late. And since Mass is well attended (yay!) there is only 1 seat left (boo). I sit in the pew where upon my little one starts to poke the old man next to her. Tell her to stop, she freaks out, I take her out. Realize skirt is falling off. Pull up skirt. Back in.
She decides to jump on the kneeler. Falls down. Freaks out. Can't calm her. Take her out. (On my way out, the priest puts something about unhappy children in his homily - which I don't hear totally because someone is screaming in my ear.) Pull up skirt. Back in. A lady has now moved so that I can be by the door. (Thanks!) Little one decides to run up the aisle, and to cry when the lady next to us looks at her. Freaks out multiple times, is taken out. Skirt fixed multiple times. Return multiple times. Think about leaving. Don't leave because I came here for Jesus, dang it, and I going to get Him if it kills me. Wait for noises of Communion time outside, listening at the door. Receive Him Who is Love. Entertain baby for next 2 minutes. Mass over. Almost cry when the priest asks her name.
Get in car. Cry for real as I realize: 1) Little one does not do well in tight spaces. 2) I do not do well in tight spaces. 3) Airplanes are tight spaces. 4) There is no where to take a baby "out" except for 30,000 feet below. 5) My skirt will not stay put. 6) No other skirt will work on a plane. 7) I will have to wear pants. 8) If I wear pants, I will have to say so on the blog and I'll feel like a Dress Dare failure.
Scary thing is that in that state, the thing that made me cry the most was that I would have to admit that I'd failed the Dress Dare - even though with my current wardrobe, I knew that pants were the most modest thing to wear. (Yes, I'm that prideful.) Wear pants on plane. Baby sleeps through half, only cries on descent. (Not bad!)
So, I'm sorry if this post isn't super uplifting. But it is real. And I think it was good for me to remember that Beauty through modest dress is what I am striving for and that skirts are how I am choosing to show that this month, and not skirts first (just to prove that I could) and modesty second. I still believe that skirts are beautiful and feminine and I will continue to strive to wear them for the rest of the month (except when going back home on the plane). However, skirts do not necessarily = modesty, and so I'll strive more to attain the virtue of Modesty than un-bifurcated bottoms.
And for all the girls that are trying this Dare and finding it hard, know that I've said a prayer for you especially tonight.
10 comments:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with pants and as a mother, pants make way more sense than skirts 90% of the time. I understand that the blog is trying to imitate Mary (a beautiful sentiment) but Mary's "skirts" didn't look anything like our skirts and pants and shorts weren't an option for Mary because they weren't a clothing option at the time in history period.
I feel like one's clothing choice should be about comfort, modesty and looking good. Your post shows that in some cases skirts just simply aren't the right choice of attire and trying to force it to be is unpractical and a waste of time.
Aw, Steph! I feel for you as traveling with a little one is not easy, and applaud your determination for the Eucharist! There is no sin in wearing pants on the plane, so don't fret!
Mary, I do have to disagree that striving to wear skirts is unpractical and a waste of time. I know many women who've made the choice to no longer wear pants and they'll wear leggings under skirts or dresses when cold, or when exercising. Nuns do it, consecrated religious do it. They have particular outfits for working out or doing such activities. I know that it has been a great example to me of femininity in everything you do and I believe it is only our mindset in response to the culture we've grown up in that makes us think that "pants are a better option than skirts are a better option 90% of the time." There are actual reasons why the Church and most of humanity has not encouraged women wearing pants for all of time except in the last 100 years. That's what I've attained from my research. That being said, I agree that wearing pants is not immodest, only that skirts (when the proper length and fit) are more modest.
AMEN Apple Jacs
Just a suggestion from an outside reader, since you are not going to be wearing a skirt, why not do something else to show your femininity? Maybe wear a blouse with pants? Or go out of the way to do make-up that day, or something special with your hair? Although sometimes skirts just aren't going to work (I'm not doing the dare because I just gave birth and don't fit in my skirts again yet, and am still trying to figure out how to take care of a newborn), you can still do something in the spirit of the dare. Just an idea.
Karen, I have a newborn too and none of my skirts with zippers fit me right now...if you have any with elastic waists those will work in the postpartum period, and they can easily be worn throughout a subsequent pregnancy.
I don't think you've failed. Sometimes pants just do the trick. I wore stretch cords for most of my last pregnancy (twins!) because I had to wear this ugly brace that constantly shifted. I had to hike my skirts/dresses to adjust it. UGH! So I wore pants.
I have to agree with Apple Jacs. I have three kids and I live on a farm. I do just about everything in a skirt from chasing a toddler, to climbing gates, and hiking miles. Recently I helped a ewe to give birth to her lambs - and that meant having to wrestle a laboring, 150 pound angry sheep while also trying to get her stuck lamb out! I did that in a skirt. No problem. Vacuuming, however, is another story: I keep sucking up my own hem. Arrrg!
I don't think it's a sin to wear pants as necessary but I do know from personal experience that they are not often necessary. Except when yer totally stressed out and your skirt keeps falling off and you're about to get on a plane, pregnant, with a toddler...
I don't want pants to be my lifestyle choice. In this day and age they are masculine so I don't want to wear them every day. I've noticed that when I'm in skirts and dresses men treat me with a lot of respect and that is so nice. Women tend to be hostile but oh well, that is their problem - not mine!
Coffee Catholic you are awesome. If you help a ewe give birth there is nothing the rest of us can't do. I have been wondering a lot about what your last sentences mentioned. Why is it that women get hostile and attacking when they find out we only wear skirts? I have never said pants are sinfull so why the need to attack something many women are convicted of? Isn't there enough darkness to curse to not be cursing the light. If you have any insite into how to handle this please do share with the rest of us who deal with the same issue.
Ladies - I hope it's okay for a guy to chime in. If not, then sorry, but I think it may be beneficial to give you a male perspective on the matter.
First, I commend you for this blog and what seems to be a striving for sanctity. That being the case, there are many reasons why pants have traditionally been worn exclusively by men and why they still remain both less feminine and, even if "more practical" for women (though Coffee Catholic single-handedly dispelled that myth), they are nonetheless not as objectively appropriate for women as dresses and skirts. Oh how dare he! Male chauvenist pig! I hope not! I will list a few points and would beg any dissenters to logically respond and correct me where they disagree.
1. it is an historical fact that for several millennium, across the entirety of judeo-christian history (and even amongst most of the pagan world) that pants were exclusively viewed as male. This cannot be ignored or dismissed. It would be presumptuous and perhaps arrogant to simply dismiss every catholic born before 1950 as uninformed about the matter. Were they all less holy than this generation? Clearly not when it comes to modesty. The fact is that the advent of pants for women and certain other "styles" has absolutely lead to far less modesty which is arguably the cause for far less virtue in so many other areas, particularly lust and sex... Does this mean it is sinful or always wrong for women to wear pants? No. But even Saint Joan of Arc required a dispensation from Our Lord (in re: men's armor) in order to wear historically male clothing.
2. The Church is both a silent and a vocal witness to the same. Silent in the sense that no Catholic woman for centuries would be caught dead wearing pants. Vocal inasmuch as when pants for women and other styles were introduced (like one-piece bathing suits and bikinis) in the 1920's and the 1950's popes, bishops and saints alike (including Popes Pius X, Pius XII, St Padre Pio and Our Blessed Mother at Fatima) not only condemned the so-called "fashions" of the times but in some cases specifically mentioned that pants are less modest, inappropriate for women and that "Our Lord has no fashion."
3. It should go without saying but there are really good reasons for 1 and 2 above. Not the least of which is that, speaking as a guy and on behalf of just about every guy i know, men's eyes are more drawn to where they should not go when gals wear pants than when they wear skirts or dresses. Pants tend to be form fitting, but even when not, the separation of the legs has both traditionally (which is why women would ALWAYS ride horses side-saddle) and even scientifically (i recommend Colleen Hammond's book "Dressing with Dignity" for the sources) proven to tend to lead a guys eyes and imagination to where they should not go. Far less than skirts. Are we not our brother's keeper?
4. The argument that pants are more practical for women is a red herring. Even if they were, that speaks nothing to the matter of wether they are more feminine or virtuous. Second, that argument dismisses every generation of women prior to the current one - which happens to be the easiest generation for women in history (by way of physical comfort and convenience) in the wealthiest nation ever to appear on God's good earth. How did ALL previous women manage without pants? Specially without cars, refrigerators, microwaves, internet or even anesthetics. If they could do it and thought it worthwhile to...
Finally a more personal opinion and a side note, but again vetted by the experience of most guys i know: Guys simply find skirts and dresses far more attractive and feminine. Yeah, maybe they're a little colder for you... but at least leggings are back in style ;-)
And to "Jaunebug" - i commend you for your sincerity and thirst for holiness!
May Our Lady, the pinnacle of modesty and femininity, guide us all!
I think you made the most modest choice and therefore the most virtuous choice. I've been wearing skirts/dresses only now for about 8 years. It takes a while to learn what styles work for you, esp. when pregnant. Personally, for me dresses work better than skirts. That way little ones can't pull them down, and with running a day care, I'm surrounded by little ones.
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