Pray Without Ceasing

Every new school year, I find myself re-examining my habits. The last few years I have been teaching religious education classes at our local parish. While I'm getting ready for the new school year, getting ideas together for how I want to teach my students the beauty of the Catholic Church, I often examine what I want to leave with them. I know that one of the things that I remember most about my teachers wasn't so much what they taught but the example they gave me when they taught. Knowing this, I examine myself and how I want to grow as a person, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, ect in my spiritual life. One thing I constantly find myself lacking in is daily prayer. I have found that if I have a certain action that I attach a certain prayer to I tend to remember to say the prayer. So, I'm coming up with some different actions that will remind me to pray throughout the day. Things that I do every day and offering up everything I do throughout the day and night to God through prayer. Here is how I will be trying to change my prayer life, obviously I will need a lot of work (so pray for me!) in order to make it an actual routine. I know I will forget and fall many, many, many, many times, but I think that it is important to make time to always pray, and to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Sometimes it will be joint with my husband and my kids, sometimes it may just be in my heart. This way our whole family can get in the habit of praying all the time while our children our still so young.

Most of the time my son wakes me up in the morning, so when he wakes me up, we can start our day with the Sign of the Cross and a quick prayer together. For example, Thank you God for waking us up to start a new day. Please be with us and guide us in everything we do and say today.

At breakfast we say our mealtime grace, at the same time as grace we always Thank God for our family and our Godchildren/people we have sponsored for confirmation each individually by name (for example, Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Kid 1, Kid 2, ect, Godchild/sponsored confirmed by order that they received the Sacrament). That way we are always praying for each other.

During lunch and dinner time, we say the same grace with thanking God for everyone.

Throughout the day, if I'm driving around, playing with the kids outside, or taking my kids on a walk.I try to either listen to praise music or pray the rosary. Either way, I try to keep my focus on God and figuring out what He is calling me to do according to His will.

When playing with my kids throughout the day, I can thank God for the gift of my children and that I am able to stay at home with them.

When I'm doing the dishes or cleaning, I can thank God simply for the sacrifice (those chores are by far not my favorite part of being a wife/mother) of doing something for my husband and children that will often go unnoticed, until it doesn't get done of course.

While I'm cooking dinner, I can thank God for the ability to feed my family and pray for those who do not have enough to eat that day.

If I haven't driven around or have not said/finished my rosary, right before the kids go to bed we can say a family rosary. After the initial fight of making the kids sit down and focus (which can be very difficult for a toddler), saying the rosary before bed calms them down and gets them ready to fall asleep (if they don't fall asleep during the rosary...BONUS!)

And finally before finally closing my eyes, a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessings of that day!

How do you pray without ceasing?

Apple Thoughts

We have a 50+ year-old apple tree in our backyard that we are pretty excited about. When we got our house 3 years ago, it was HUGE and produced tons and tons of apples without us having to do anything to it. Perfect. 

However, as we've been living here longer and learning about how to take care of our fruit trees, we realized that this apple tree, though it gave tons of apples, needed care. The apples had worms and spots. The lower (reachable) ones were completely shaded by the higher (even with huge ladders, unreachable) ones, making our harvested apples small and kind of gimpy. The tree itself had so many branches that they were chocking each other out and shading each other so there was a ton of moss... 

So last winter we trimmed out tree. And by trimmed, I mean my husband and his chainsaw climbed up a 40-foot tree, and came back down a 25-foot tree. We thinned out branches and rubbed off moss. We changed the entire shape of it, and then stood back and prayed we hadn't killed it. 

Then, this summer brought fruit. Beautiful fruit. The apples have almost no worms and are nearly twice the size they used to be. Even their color is more vibrant. 

The other day I was sitting, nursing my baby and watching my kids play, and looking at my tree. And I realized that I'm a lot like it. Christ says you can judge something by it's fruits - and my life definitely has fruit - I'm doing my normal Catholic thing. Going to Mass on Sundays, and even helping out when I can. I don't rob banks, and haven't pushed over an old person in YEARS. But I don't prune. I don't get to the confessional. And I need to. I was made for it. We all are. 

My fruit can be better. My love can be better if I take the proper care. I'm sure if I started going to confession regularly (once a month) my life wouldn't change drastically. I wouldn't come come home and announce the whole family's moving to a third world country to do mission work; just like my apple tree will never become a pineapple no matter how much it's trimmed. But I'll be a better wife. A better mom and friend. My love will become sweeter and more vibrant. Like my apples.

Laying Down a Proper Foundation for Family

"Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock, and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." -Matthew 7:24-27

I have been reflecting this week, about what kind of foundation I have laid for myself, my marriage and my family.  I know that this is the healthy order that things should be in.  Despite this, I often feel as though I am working backwards.

My most obvious goals encourage and inspire me to focus on my family's foundation daily: I strive to build a healthy, strong, attached relationship with my children;  I pray with them everyday; I teach them about the faith; I work hard to correct and develop their character and I make an effort to encourage lasting and healthy habits.  My husband and I talk about our future plans for our children and family, and what would like for our children to be like as young men.  We arrange family activities to bond and play and we go to mass together.  We make mistakes often, but are also very committed to building a strong foundation for our (still very young) family.

I also take time to focus on my marriage.  In five years we have already seen many fruits that have come from the graces of the sacrament of matrimony.  My husband and I make an effort to connect daily, and we genuinely enjoy each other.  We make spiritual goals together and help keep each other accountable with our struggles and our attempts to grow in virtue.  Do we pray together everyday?  Not really.  Shouldn't something like prayer be the basic foundation of our marriage?  Definitely.  Will we withstand rain, floods and winds?  By the grace of God we will-- but I know that there is still foundational work left to do in this department.

And then there is me.  I have been meditating about what kind of foundation I have built my house on.  I often feel unsure that it is rock, in fact on some days my foundation even feels like quick sand!  And although I could go into many, (many) examples about why I feel this way, my most urgent question is how this impacts the natural progression of my vocation-- in my personal relationship with God, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with my children.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that if the first is strong, the laters will follow in a similar path.  I will never be able to love my husband enough if I do not love God first, and let Him work through my marriage.  My children will never grasp or believe any prayers, catechesis or a desire for the faith if they don't SEE me living my life out of LOVE for God.  My foundation matters, not only to me, but to my husband and family.  In fact, our sanctity might just depend on it.

As mothers, it is very easy to push our own needs aside, our spiritual needs included.  I understand that my vocation will not allow me to spend hours in adoration or pray the liturgy of the hours uninterrupted on a daily-basis.  I also understand that in living out a mother's spirituality, there will be days when the only formal prayers I will say will be the simple prayers I say with my children-- but if I do it out of true love for my Creator and and actually PRAY (instead of just reciting with or mimicking my preschoolers), then I will have seized an opportunity to strengthen my home.   I am a part of my marriage and family's foundation, and it is up to no one but myself to pray for wisdom and to work to build my life on rain, flood and wind-withstanding rock.

(http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%22Rock_and_Cloud,_Kings_River_Canyon_(Proposed_as_a_national_park),%22_California,_1936.,_ca._1936_-_NARA_-_519927.jpg)

Leaving the Church

I have realized over the past few months that a very dear friend of mine is leaving the Church. I've seen for a while that it was coming, but have been afraid of it. In hoping that it would not happen, I have not talked directly about it to him, and have encouraged my husband to not "push" him out of the Church. Sounds like obviously the wrong thing to do now, but at the time I couldn't think what to do.

Now - that he's left - I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I'm mad and want to beat him with reasons. (In this beautifully ordered world of ours, do you not think God would have an ordered way of worship?) Sometimes I'm sad and want to just ask him how he could believe so strongly and then just leave it all? His God he has worshiped for almost 30 years, just... not important anymore?

I have seen him attack all other authority figures, and knew it was not consistent to believe in the Church, but was hoping his belief in the teachings of the Church would help him see the light about the others. I'm not sure if he still believes in God, but I have a feeling that He is the next to go in my friend's search for importance, or independence, or himself.

This Sunday's reading is about the sower. I've always thought that the fertile ground, or rocky ground was describing different kinds of people, but maybe it's different times in our lives. In the parable, it's just the sower and the ground, God and my friend. There is no third helping person who brings the seed to the fertile ground. So maybe I need to accept that God can handle this relationship - but I keep trying to figure out a way that I can bring him back.

Ears to hear. Am I being called to intercede for my friend? Or is this a lesson for me to trust that God knows how to call His children to Him? I do feel called to pray for him, but feel my prayers inadequate.

The Cure for Writer's Block

In the past several weeks  I have occasionally sat down to "blog", but felt a strong case of writer's block.  I stare at my screen, blank-faced and defeated.  I feel annoyed for my lack of creativity and frustrated that the Holy Spirit is not inspiring me!  I love Defining Beauty, and I have been disappointed for feeling like I have nothing to say...

I am not a writer, though I obviously enjoy pretending.  I do remember however, some writing advice from a past English class.  "If you have writer's block, just start writing".  My teacher told us to start with a thought, a journal entry, or anything to help us get started.  If that still did not work, she suggested we start copying the line "I do not know what to write..." until something came up.  And most often, something eventually came up and I started to write.

Another area in life where I often get "writer's block" is prayer.  Sometimes I feel discouraged that God is not listening, or I simply get so busy that I do not make time for prayer.  I get in the habit of not praying, and suddenly, it is like I do not know where to start, and do not know what to pray about.  It is like meeting an old acquaintance for coffee, and falling into an awkward silence because we just realized that we hardly know each other anymore.  I fall into the trap of wondering whether God even wants to hear from me anymore!

I think that in this case, the best advice one could give would be to "just start praying".  Turn off the distractions and close the door.  Go to adoration.  Don't know what to say?  Use a prayer written by a saint, or somebody else.  Go to mass.  Say a rosary.  Read a spiritual book.  Just start praying!  It may feel as though you are starting small, but it is a starting point, and most often, we eventually start to pray...

Now, hopefully this post will be just the muse I need to help me fight my case of writer's block.

F is for Femininity

There are so many meanings to femininity - I'm hoping a couple of the other girls chime in on this because as I've been thinking about what to write about and I've come up with about 10,000 ideas. (Or, at least more than 5 anyway...)

1) Do I write about my husband's current favorite bible quote: "Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in battle array? " - Song of Solomon 6:10

It's traditionally thought to refer to Mother Mary, and I love it as a broader description of femininity.

2) Do I talk about what wikipedia has down as the "cultural norms" of femininity: Cleavage, Corsets, Foot binding, High heels, Modest dress (specifically Muslim female dress), and Neck rings. (I looked that last one up.) Turns out that in some African and Asian cultures long necks are considered pretty, so they put all these rings around them to make them look longer. Anyway, *what* a list!

3) Do I talk about what Paul VI said in one of his Discourses: "...it is evident that women are meant to form part of the living and working structure of Christianity in so prominent a manner that perhaps not all their potentialities have yet been made clear." And NO, this does not mean that one day women will be priests, that is a male potentiality. A woman's goal in life should not be to try (and fail miserably) to take on as much masculine duties and characteristics as possible. But maybe some future female will explain to the Church how all people can fulfill their calling to true contemplation of God. Maybe women will come to a deeper understanding of why they tend to be "naturally religious" and this realization will change society's whole vision of religion. It could be anything. Who knows?

4) OR I could raddle on about John Paul II's phrase in On the Dignity and Vocation of Women (of which I've only read a tiny bit) "To serve means to reign." He talks about how Mary after giving her fiat at the Annunciation, immediately defines her new relationship "I am the handmaid of the Lord" (Lk 1:38). -- by the way -- I also love that she feels the need to define her relationship. I mean, isn't that always what we girls want to do when we get into a new relationship? Are we just friends? Are we in love? Are we not, but will be? What's the deal?! John Paul II says that Mary by saying this "takes her place with Christ's messianic service." And in Christ's Kingdom, there is a "royal dignity of service;" Christ continually says that He has come to serve. Mary realizes this, and when she is told that she has been chosen to be the Mother of God, immediately sees that she will reign as queen. BUT her reigning will consist of serving. So when she says "I am the handmaid of the Lord," she is also saying that she will be queen.

And do you think that Disney came up with the idea that all girls are princesses? I think not. Since Mary is in many ways the culmination of true femininity, her virtues show us our own feminine virtues God has implanted in us. So when a little girl "randomly" dresses up in a gown and declares herself queen or princess, she is really expressing what Mary expressed at the Annunciation: I am made to reign (but reign by serving).

I should probably stop here since I'm not sure that that last one was all too clear... and since the next idea had to do with Free Will, and our will's submissiveness, and our feminine calling to be submissive to our husband's and ultimately Christ... (and you can land in heresy REALLY easily when talking about Free Will) I should probably just leave off here until I think about it a little more.

E is for Eucharist

I remember the days when I used to love starting off my morning with daily mass.  I would bring my magnificat with me to follow along with the prayers and readings, and I would break fast with the eternal heavenly breakfast of champions- the Eucharist.  I always walked out feeling centered on Christ and ready to tackle my day.

It is disappointing to say, but lately going to mass with a young toddler leaves me feeling nothing but exhausted.  Even when he behaves it is challenging to pay attention to readings and focus on prayer.  We spend most of the time walking around the church, going in and out of the blessed sacrament chapel, looking through picture books and taking short breaks outside.  Although I still subscribe to my magnificat, it spends most of its time at home on my coffee table.  Basically I do whatever it takes to keep my baby calm during mass and to make it to communion so that I can receive Jesus.

I am often tempted to consider "what's the point?"  Am I truly feeding my soul by being physically present but distracted in every other way?  That is when I have to remind myself that God chose the vocation of motherhood for me.  If He wanted me to spend my day in prayer, I would be a religious, not a Mom.  I may not be receiving very many graces through prayer at mass anymore, but I have to trust that I am earning those graces in other ways, mainly by taking care of my son.  And when will I be in a better state to take care of my baby than after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist?

Scheduling Time for Prayer

I recently resolved that I need to give my prayer life a "makeover".  My son is over a year old and I have yet get the hang of fitting prayer into my busy mommy lifestyle.  We try to make it to daily mass a couple of times a week and I say (but not always pray) some prayers out of habit, but it is not enough for me.  Here are my first two goals, maybe you can help keep me accountable!


1. Morning Offering

This seemed so much easier to remember when I had control over what time my alarm woke me up.  These days I try to squeeze in as much sleep as possible before my baby wakes me up.  Once he is awake I must immediately tend to his needs and often postpone my morning prayers until...well, naptime or sometimes even bedtime. 

The morning offering is so important however, especially for moms and anyone with a busy schedule.  When we pray the morning offering, we offer everything-- our joys, our sacrifices, our work, our relationships and our actions-- to Jesus.  In essence, our entire day becomes a prayer, offered up to God.  This is such a gift for moms who do not have time to spend kneeling in a chapel, because suddenly the little things like our chores, the sacrifice in our constant exhaustion, and the love that we share with our children becomes a prayer to Jesus.

Here is an example of a morning offering:

 Oh Jesus, through the immaculate heart of Mary, I offer you my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day, in union with the Holy sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in thanksgiving for your favors, in reparation for my sins and for all the intentions of my relatives and friends and especially for those of our Holy Father.  Amen.

2.  Time Management

I used to consider time management one of my strongest skills.  During high school and college, I spent half of my waking hours in class and the other half training in dance.   Any spare moments in between were used for homework, studying and some socializing.  Most importantly, I knew what I would be doing at any given time, and could more easily plan my prayers accordingly.  Nowadays my schedule goes according to others, and for this reason it is easy for me to feel unproductive and let my prayer life to slip.  For this reason, I have decided to reevaluate my time management because it should help me to accomplish one primary goal:  to do God's will. 

I have found several tricks of the trade that seem to be helping me use my days in the fullest way possible.  The first one is creating detailed to-do lists.  If a project can be broken down, I list each part separately.  This helps me be most productive, because I feel as though I am accomplishing a task along the way.  I use my cell phone to keep track of one "master to-do list" that I add to constantly and check off items as I finish them.

The second tool that is helping me immensely is to set timers.  When I only have a given amount of time (during my son's naps) to accomplish several things, I literally set my kitchen timer and work on one project at a time until time is up.  This helps me to stay focused on my task, move on to the next job on my list, and to avoid running into distractions.  More than anything, it is helping me to prioritize taking time to rest and pray.  My personality does not like to relax until all of my work is done, but this is virtually impossible with little ones because let's face it, the work never ends.  Designating fifteen-minutes of play time or ten-minutes of constructive rest has helped me find a better Martha vs. Mary balance to my life. 



These ideas might not work for everybody, but I feel confident that by my prayer life will benefit from making my morning offering a priority and attempting to more effectively manage my time.  Perhaps as I strengthen my one-on-one time with Jesus, He will guide me in new ways to deepen my relationship with Him.  How about you, do you have any advice/suggestions for scheduling time to pray?

The beauty of a praying girl

My husband's friend is beginning to wake up from his drug induced coma following his brain bleed a week ago. It's been a long week for everyone but full of hope and trust in the Lord. One of my best moments through all of this was hearing about my 3 and a half year old niece's response. We told her that her uncle's friend was sick and we asked her to pray for him. Her parents told us that at least once a day, she'll stop what she's doing and tell her parents, "we need to pray a hail Mary for Matt." What a beautiful example of the importance of children. She really is the cutest thing ever (okay so I'm biased.)

Where is that darn light switch??

Do you ever look at something in your life and think that maybe it is a test from God? That maybe He is waiting for you to just trust in Him or learn some lesson? At some point though you wonder if you are just dense and not learning the lesson or if you are missing the point all together. I have been reflecting lately on how much we are in the dark with God. Are we really in the dark because of God or do we just not see the darn light switch?

It has come to my attention in my conversations with Jesus lately that I do not know how to say no. I really do not like that word. At first I thought that maybe it was a problem. Many times people have said to me that I do not stand up for myself or say what I want enough. I spent about a day thinking that I need to learn to say no more often and that it is fine to do what I want sometimes. Then I thought of our blessed mother. Her defining moment was her big YES. Why do I dislike the word no??? Because it closes me off to giving myself for others and living my life in service. I made a decision a while back to use my single state in life (for as long as Jesus sees fit) to serve my family and friends. I decided that I would never be selfish with this time in my life. This shows itself in big and small ways, mostly small. In even very little decisions I try to yield to the desires of others. Those little choices make the big ones easier and Therese said to love in the little things. It is the little choices that do not draw attention of anyone but Jesus. He alone knows and he alone is all that matters. I love living for others. I love not choosing my way. I believe that it helps to drive out my natural selfishness that fallen nature has given me. I love that I am able to serve my friends and family any time they need. Society tells us single women that we need to "live it up" because once we get married it is all over. I think that I am working toward better preparing myself for marriage by spending my time living for others. If God one day calls me to marriage I hope that I am better able to serve my husband and children because of years of practice. I am writing this to encourage all of our single readers to take this time in your life to live at the service of others. Don't worry that you will lose yourself or your desires. Quite the opposite, you will become most who God wants you to be. Like Mary, we define ourselves with our Yes's. It is truly and amazingly fulfilling.

PS: I have waiting a long time to write on this subject because I did not want to appear to be tooting my own horn or being prideful. Please make no mistake. All is due to the Holy Spirit and the intercession of Our Lady.