In the recent weeks, I seem to be getting this question a lot, from everyone from close friends, to my husband, and even my regular confessor. My husband and I are eager to give Mina a little brother or sister, but it seems that it's just not God's will yet. This has given me a lot to think about.
Today, while in mass, I was in the bathroom changing Mina and decided to take a pregnancy test I had in my bag, because I thought there was a possibility I was pregnant, and it would be nice to tell my husband just after the Eucharist. The answer was no, and for a moment, I felt as thought I might shed a tear, particularly when I looked at Mina. I thought of all the joy she brings me, and how much more joy another child would bring. I prayed and offered the moment to Mary and her Son for they know better than I when we should have another child, and we went back into the church.
With Mina waddling around, we decided to head into the cry room for the latter part of mass. It was quite full this morning, and not all with little children, but with a few families with handicapped kids, who have random outbursts, making it tough to sit anywhere else. As soon as I walked in, I couldn't help but think, "Thank you, Lord." Right there in front of me was a lesson. I have no idea why the Lord is choosing this particular spacing for Mina and her brother or sister. I have to realize, though I have no reason to think I'm infertile, that I may never be blessed with having another child naturally again. Or, the Lord could be providing this space because someday we will have a child with special needs, or someone else in the family that we can help care for while we only have one child. For whatever reason, I'm not yet pregnant again, and I thank God for this opportunity to desire children.
We know so little about ourselves in comparison with God, and we must always remember His love for us, whenever there is something we don't understand. If there's one thing we should have no control over, it's deciding when a human being should be created or not, and it's for this reason, that I love being completely open to life. It allows us to submit ourselves in a whole new way to His Holy Will, and to say, as women, "I am your handmaid, Let it be done unto me according to your will."
I thank Him for these months of patience, and I thank Him for those of you who are blessed with having children closer together, for there are lessons for all of us in the gift of family life.
3 comments:
On the lighter side of things, why is it that although our daughters are the exact same age, everyone reacts to our news with "You're having another one already?" while you are getting the opposite reaction??
We'll be praying for you, but PLEASE remember to enjoy this time with just Mina. I was praying with all my heart that we wouldn't get pregnant until she was at least 18 months so I could (finally) enjoy Ella as I was just beginning to come out of my depression, but God had a different plan. Here's to trust!
Oh, I'm trying to savor each and every day with Mina, as they grow so fast! It's such a fun age, but it's precisely that adoration which makes me desire to share that love and bring more little ones to play with. God knows so well what each of us needs at every moment.
There is no doubt that He is at work when He creates a life. God literally touches women when He creates the soul in their womb. There is not much more beautiful on this Earth, and we have such an honor, as women, to participate. You are His handmaid, OM, and how beautiful you are as a vessel of life! Kimberly Hahn says, "There is no better gift you can give your child than a brother or sister." Ella will thank you someday, for this wonderful gift.
Your post reminds me of how I felt at the beginning of my marriage, when we were waiting for God to bless us with a baby. Even though it was only a few months, it felt like so long! Looking back on it now, I see how much of a gift that extended "honeymoon" with my husband was, in preparation for everything that has followed since.
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