Recently I've really begun to ask myself how do I love? Or, better, how should I love?
This comes from having a few dear ones to me basically doing the moral equivalent of running into the street (or, more, running into on-coming traffic). They know it's not a good idea, but do it anyway. When they tell me about it, I'm not sure what my response should be. What is the loving thing to do?
Up to now, I haven't been able to contain myself and I tell them that while I understand that it may feel good at the time, it will only hurt them. That it IS hurting them - they just don't realize it yet. However, I come across as "hard." They haven't told me this, but I can feel it. True goodness, true love does not come across as being "hard." I don't think Jesus came across as "hard." Not to the sinner anyway - did He? Maybe to the Pharisees, but I think that is because they were dealing with intellectual problems. My dear friends are having love issues.
How do you explain to someone not to throw away their emotions? That the person who they love does not love them back (as is made obvious by the other's actions)? How do you explain to them that they are selling themselves short? without sounding like - excuse me - but a prick?
I read a book recently by Conrad Baars (Catholic psychologist). He talks about the real need for love, and how many of the problems in our culture, many of the psychological and emotional problems are from people not being loved enough/correctly. That the Human person cannot develop properly without being "affirmed." This affirmation, further, is not something you do, but is something you are. It shows in the eyes, more than actions or words. I think he's right. They say that when St. Max Kolbe was being murdered, he looked on the guards with such love that they could not stand it. One had to leave, and the others commanded him not to look at them.
That look cannot be "hard." How do I get that look in my eyes when talking with the ones I love? How do I become that person? If you guys have any thoughts or even know what I'm talking about, I'd really like some ideas.
2 comments:
I too am striving for that look of love while speaking the truth. One thing to reassure yourself of is that even if the recipient doesn't "feel loved," we know that we are loving them by sharing the truth.
A good way to check yourself when having these difficult conversations with loved ones, or when tempted to judge a person on an evil act, is to say to oneself, "Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy upon me a sinner." This prayer helps us call to mind our own sins and our need for the Lord's grace and mercy. Maybe this will help you convey Christ's love more.
It took me a long time to comment on your post, because this is also something that I desire! We've all been moved by some holy examples who radiate truth through love, in their actions and words. By God's grace only, we can do everything in love-- So I guess we just need to keep praying that Jesus uses us as an instrument of His love with everyone we meet. :)
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