These days it seems as though there are many more "reasons" NOT to have children than ever. For example, society says that simply being a "newlywed" qualifies couples to refrain from openness to life. For some newlyweds the adjustment to marriage may constitute a serious reason to postpone children, but this (and other grave factors) are not what I am referring to. Isn't it odd that babies who arrive 9 months after a honeymoon are suprising (and few) nowadays? Society tells us to take two, five, ten years to get to know each other, buy a home, travel ect... and then we can start thinking about "trying". Perhaps it is not the children who should be postponed, but rather the wedding date! When we examine Mary's situation from our own cultural perspective, we realize that she had every reason not to be open to life. She was barely a teenager, very poor and unmarried. If you consider the world she lived in, these reasons could constitute even more graveness than they would today. There was no Medicaid, no crisis pregnancy centers or shelters, and adultery could be punished by death. Despite this however, Mary said YES to life. It is through her YES, her fiat, that Jesus our salvation, came into the world. Moreover, it might be also be fair to point out that God only asked Mary to be receptive to a child once in her life. God's will for the Holy Family was to always remain a home of three. This is also a reminder for us as Catholics, that a marriage that is open-to-life will not always fill a twelve-passenger van.
There are many wonderful Church documents such as Humanae Vitae and the Catechism of the Church that can help us understand the Church's teaching on Christian marriages. Ultimately, husbands and wives must always pray to follow Mary's example of "thy will be done". Only He knows what is best for our marriages and families. It is by following God's will that we can work to build a culture of life... and what is more beautiful than that?
7 comments:
I love this. It is so true that Mary is our greatest witness of being open to life. I know so many couples, Catholic and not, whom give various reasons (saving for a house, wanting time to travel, etc.), not usually "grave," for post-poning children. First of all, I find that when many of them, actually start "trying," the child doesn't come immediately and some wait more years before the child is conceived.
Also, since having my own child, I had the realization that, one of the benefits of having our first child just 10 days after our first anniversary, is that we didn't have more than a year to develop selfish habits. Virtues are habits developed over time, and when couples are focused on the relationship between the 2 of them, exclusively, they are only going to have more of a challenge when those date nights, or quiet nights just the 2 of you are so few. There's no doubt that couples need time to build their marital bond, but there is no greater fruit or bond than that of a child. One of the greatest treasures of marriage is the gift God has given us to be an image of the trinity on Earth.
Chantal you are wise to mention that Jesus was an only child. I sometimes see people using the number of children someone has as evidence of their assumed holiness. We should never judge someone for having less kids. We never know the reason. Also we should never get overly boastful about having many kids. I think it is beautiful when couples don't use NFP at all, not to avoid pregnancy and not to achieve it. That way they are really leaving it all in God's hands. And by the way, I have friends who do that and I think they are well on there way to a 12 passenger van full. God's will be done :)
:)
I loveee this!!!!!
Recently, my husband and I have talked with a parishoner at our parish who is in charge of the Pro-life ministry about this exact topic. While my husband and I are blessed with two beautiful children (both under 2 and not twins), and we are waiting for our third child to join us into the world in October, it seems as though we have now been branded as the "NFP family".
When talking to this woman, I was in absolute disbelief when she stated, "I hate how people think us Catholics need to have 12 kids! My husband and I do NFP and we only had 3 kids, so that we could be sure to give them everything in the world they wanted."
I think there is a current trend in our Catholic society nowadays where parishoners think they need to provide everything for their kids, and have so few children...but I LOVE what you bring it back to... always being open to "thy will be done". I think if this was the mindset of families, this would be a wonderful witness to NFP whether a couple has a few or many children. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Great post! I was just reading about the Annunciation in Fulton Sheen's book "The World's First Love: Mary, Mother of God"...you should check it out if you have never read it. Such a great book about Mary! : )
On the NFP/babies/openness topic, it's also very important for people to remember that not everyone is able to conceive easily. Being married almost two years and having some fertility issues, people assume that since I'm not pregnant yet, I'm not being open or am using NFP selfishly. However, we have been completely open, but it's just not God's timing yet. Hopefully soon!
First of all, I have to say that I did enjoy this post. Truly. However, I have been thinking about this to comment for the last few days. Please forgive me if it does not come off as eloquently as I would like!
I think that the bottom line regarding family size is that we should not be judging eachother. Period. NFP or not using NFP, the bottom line is that we do not know what is sacred between a husband, his wife, and God. What are grave and prudent matters to use NFP are not always the same for another couple. There is so much gray instead of black and white (like I often pray for) when it comes to this topic.
I feel I should point out that I am 29 with 5 children (so far). I do drive a big white van :). I do not judge people based on the size of their family. God has a different plan for each of us and I am more focused on trying to figure out what He wants of me! I do not think that a big family is my ticket to Heaven. Interestingly, everyday of the week my family is judged based on how many kids I have so close together. By Catholics and the general public alike. Seriously. We average at least three comments an outing. Most people are very complimentary and some are very crass. All I am trying to illustrate is that judgment can get passed at both ends of the spectrum. And instead of judging eachother, especially as Catholics, we should be supporting eachother. Rest assured, I am not judging anyone on the size of their famiy..big or little. I am way too busy focusing on God's plan for me while driving my big, white van and singing with my kids! :) I could go on and on but I will spare you ;) Blessings and joy to you all! In Their Hearts, Jen
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