Prepared for Attack, Not Love

So, three months ago, I bore our little son. Being our third baby here (one in heaven), we prepared for his coming in all different ways: boy clothes, new diaper inserts, switching rooms around, re-reading birthing techniques books, etc., etc.

We also prepared ourselves for the main attack: other people's comments.

I had heard horror stories from my friends about the comments you'll get about how you're overpopulating the world and you must be having kids because you have nothing better to do, or just exclamations of "3 in 4 years!" or "Better you than me!" and the like.

Now, I am that classic person who can never think of a good response until about 2 hours after I should have said it. And for some reason I was determined not to let someone say something rude without having a good response. So I thought for oh... 9 months about what I would say. I'd play different scenarios in my head and come up with snappy replies.  If they say this; I'll say THIS! If that, I'll quip back THAT! No unthinking pseudo-intellectual grocery shopper will get the better of me! (Because, really, don't all those comments happen when shopping for groceries?)

However, for the past 3 months, I've been completely caught off-guard by people's comments. So loving. So kind. I walk down an isle and I swear some women start to coo. I live in the Northwest where people are known to be standoff-ish, but I have had more people talk to me since having our little one than I ever remember before. They stop me and tell me all about how they had 3 kids and how they just loved them. How their kids were close together, and how much they loved playing together (and are still close as adults!). How they love that my girls are in pretty girly clothes and my boy is in blue. How cute he is. How cute the girls are. How they can tell the girls are good big sisters. How much they want a baby. How much just seeing the kids gives them the baby bug. How their grandkids are about my kids' ages. Sometimes we'll get told funny stories of what their kids used to do when they were little (and now the grandkids are doing the same things, which made the granddad who told us one story SO happy!)

Honestly, it is almost overpowering.

The last time I went to the store a lady stopped me and we must have talked for about 10 minutes (baby was asleep and the girls just weighed our bag of tomatoes about 4,982 times). Turns out she has 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. They have grown up and now she is expecting her first grandchild in Jan. and her second in March. She told me all about them and ended with "They are wonderful. Just wonderful." Then she looked at mine for a couple seconds and said "And so are yours. I can tell. They will be wonderful!"

I love it. I love all of it. It's not that we didn't used to get comments. We definitely did before, but it's different now. People are more open. I somehow think it's because it's expected that you'll have 1 or 2 kids. But 3 kids - especially so close together - you only have on purpose. You only have because you love having kids. And everyone loves kids. Even grouchy people smile when a baby smiles at them. And so I feel like I have a sign on me saying "Yes. I obviously love kids. Come tell me if you do too!"

So when I do get some negative comment, which I'm sure I will, and I forget my planned out, snappy response, I hope I remember all the loving comments. I also hope the grouch gets stuck in line with me while a chatty grandma who is missing her grandkids decides to dote on mine. Then they'll witness the only natural and proper response to kids: love.

Slowing Down

There was an article posted a couple weeks ago that really caught my attention. It is about a mom who was constantly telling her daughter to "hurry up". It was only when her older daughter made a comment about her sister being slow did the mom start to realize she was " a bully who pushed and pressured and hurried a small child who simply wanted to enjoy life." 

This article really made me think about how I try to keep to somewhat of a schedule throughout the day and got frustrated when things don't go according to my plan. Then I thought about how much time is taken out of each day to be WITH my children. Sure we are "with" each other all day every day, but how much of my time is devoted to them and what they want to do instead of what I tell them we are doing. Now in my defense I have had 5 babies (one in heaven, 4 on earth) in the last 7 years and I am busy! But none the less, they needed my attention more, so I decided to devote (and this sounds lame, but) at least 15 to 20 minutes a day doing what THEY want to do. You guys want to have a water fight? Okay, the dishes can wait. You want to play Legos? Okay, I guess dinner doesn't HAVE to be at 6.  I could go on and on... These changes have really improved my relationship with them. I see how God created them each differently. They all have different interests and it is fun to see and play with them. Tony, 6, always asks to play sports. John Paul, 4, wants to pretend or read a book and Jimmer, 3, wants to be pushed on the swing. I try to divide my time and sometimes we even all play together! You should see me trying to teach them how to play baseball, classic!

I should note that this was just over the summer and now I have started homeschooling again. I have found that I have a much better attitude during our school day and I don't worry about just "getting it done". My oldest just started 1st grade and so the work load is a full day, much different from an hour of kindergarten last year. We are about to start our third week so we are still getting back into school mode. I have lots to learn about managing a household and school, but thankfully my husband is 100% behind me and is patient with me as I try to manage everything. Please keep us in your prayers.

Here is the website the article was on (you might have to copy and paste):
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3624798

Toy Organization System

I realize that this is a First World problem, but nevertheless, it affects all of us here:  Too. Many. Toys!  My oldest child is only four, and although we rarely purchase toys ourselves, as a result of several Christmases, birthday parties and hand-me-downs, we have already accumulated quite a collection.

About a year ago, I began to notice that the more toys we had out, the less the children would play with them.  They would simply get too overwhelmed with the piles of toys to focus on one activity for a length of time.  I also struggled to keep our "farm set", blocks, dress-up ensembles and other pieced collections together.  We would end up with parts here and there, making it too much work to put together and enjoy.

I decided to take on the battle of the toys.  I simplified and gave many toys away.  Anything that was broken or had missing pieces was tossed.  I also started trying to stay away from any branded characters, or battery-powered toys with only one function that the kids did not play with anymore.  Baby toys that I wanted to keep for future siblings were stored away.  Despite all of this work, many of our gifted toys are very fun and beautiful, this made it very difficult to weed through them!

About six-months ago I came up with a toy organization system that has been working very well for our entire family!  One night after the kids had gone to bed, I gathered all of our toys and put them in the middle of our living room.  I did not include a small basket of bath toys, or our bikes and outdoor playthings.  I had five large empty tupperware bins (yes, five!) that I carefully filled our toys into. One-by-one, I organized and stored our toys into the bins until all of the toys were put away.  Our lego set went into one of the boxes, all of our train accessories into another.  I made sure that our mass kit was stored with the priest costume, and our tool set was stored with the construction hats, and combined any other toys that the kids typically enjoyed playing with together.  I labeled each box 1 through 5, and stored them in our large entryway closet.

Each day we take out one toy box.  I don't worry about picking up the toys too much throughout the day, because with just about 5 or 6 toys out, it never gets too overwhelming.  My boys are expected to put the toys back in the tupperware in the evening before bath time, thus greatly simplifying "clean-up time".  Then I store the toy box, and pull out a different one the following day (once in awhile we keep the box out for two or three days, when we are really enjoying it).

It is incredible to see the kids actually play with their beautiful toys again.   It has also been very helpful in keeping our sets and collections together, so that pieces do not get lost and we can enjoy the entire toy together.  We never get tired or bored, because we are constantly pulling out toys that we have not played with for at least four days.  It is a wonderful system for parents too, because we are no longer constantly cleaning up.  I love that at the end of the day, all of the toys are put away and out-of-sight; something all too wonderful for some grown-up time.

If you need help simplifying the toys you own, I couldn't recommend more highly the book Simplicity Parenting.  Happy Toy-Organizing!

Month of Mary

Just a little food for thought before May is over...
The following is taken from the May 2012 Magnificat and is by Heather King:

"At the cross her station keeping/ Stood the mournful Mother weeping/ Close to Jesus at the last." Thus runs the thirteenth-century Latin hymn known as the Stabat Mater: "The mother was standing."

Still standing.  Through giving birth in a stable: still standing.  Through a prophecy that her heart would be pieced by a sword: still standing.  Through watching from the foot of the cross as her Son was totured to death: still standing.  In the three to fifteen years she purportedly lived after Christ died: still standing, still believing, still finding joy and meaning.

Mary, who probably couldn't read but who took care of the baby and cooked the meals, is our greatest saint.  To be a mother is to stretch yourself as far as you can possibly go.  It is to say, There! That is everything I have; that is my blood, my heart, my bone marrow.  And it is then to be called to give in yet a different way, a different direction.  Just when the mother wants to rest, she is called to more openness of heart, more self-emptying, more patience, more work, more letting go, more love....

Mary knew better than anyone, next to Christ himself, the suffering of the cross.  For a mother to witness the brutal execution of an innocent Son- the fruit of her deepest procreative urge, the object of her most profound self-giving- is perhaps the most excruciating form of suffering a woman can endure.  A mother would die for her child, Mary watched her child die for her.

"Mary was the Mother Incarnate and her sacrifice was quite simply the complete acceptance of that which happened to her Son, which meant the death of every shred of possessiveness,"  writes Dante scholar Helen M. Luke.

The death of possessiveness; the birth of God.  "My soul doth magnify the Lord," Mary sang, heavy with child, as she journeyed to visit her cousin Elizabeth in "the hill country."  What simplicity.  What confidence.  What humility.  What purity-for in order to magnify God, you have to become transparent yourself. 

We are all so afraid of falling through the cracks, of being forgotten, of aging, of dying.  But if you don't want to be forgotten, we learn from Mary, value your soul more than success or riches or fame.  Serve Christ instead of yourself.  Become a model of creative suffering, patient endurance, and the erotic urge channeled, contained, and focused into a white-hot flame.

For purity endures. It is Mary who is venerated throughout the world, from the lowest places to the highest, not Cleopatra.  It is Mary to whom we pray the rosary, not Marilyn Monroe.  It is Mary we appeal to for help, for comfort, for solace, for understanding, not Salome.

Every follower of Christ spends a long "December"- maybe many Decembers - in a stable.  But May means to burst, with Mary, ever Virgin, into our fullest, most fecund flower.--

One in a Million!

Hey Everyone!

For those who have not heard yet, my brothers officially have a diagnosis! After over 21 years, we are finally starting to get some answers!

To find out more... Check out this link: Luckiest Family

Have a blessed day!

Holy Saturday

Holy Saturday has always been a rather weird day for me.

Jesus is dead and buried, but we know He's going to rise on Sunday. So you feel somber but also excited for the next day. You feel weird doing an Easter Egg hunt, but also know that the pain has ended (and it just works out better time-wise that way). I make my mom's Easter bread to get ready for Sunday, but am not sure if I should watch a movie while doing it. After all, Lent's done. The 40 days are spent, right? Usually end up watching something "God-ish" by way of merging the two. After that I'm not sure what to do. Mostly, I feel like I'm waiting for something. Which I am. But what to do in the mean time? Most years... yard work.

Just a weird day. Why put it in there?

This year, however, I understand.

My husband and I miscarried our 3rd baby a couple weeks ago. And what I felt after we found out, I still do not understand. I was sad that our baby was gone. In fact, by the time we found out, they figure the baby had been dead for at least a week. But, being of faith, I knew that our baby was in Heaven, happier than anyone around me. But I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't focus yet on our risen little one. I needed time to feel confused and mourn. His death was complete, I just had the effects to deal with. I knew that I would soon feel better, feel his prayers for myself and my family working in my life. I just needed time.

I needed a Holy Saturday.

The beauty of a praying girl

My husband's friend is beginning to wake up from his drug induced coma following his brain bleed a week ago. It's been a long week for everyone but full of hope and trust in the Lord. One of my best moments through all of this was hearing about my 3 and a half year old niece's response. We told her that her uncle's friend was sick and we asked her to pray for him. Her parents told us that at least once a day, she'll stop what she's doing and tell her parents, "we need to pray a hail Mary for Matt." What a beautiful example of the importance of children. She really is the cutest thing ever (okay so I'm biased.)

Being Open to Life

I was recently reflecting about the "openness to life" that our faith calls married couples to.  I realize that this can be a hot topic for many faithful Catholics regarding when/why using Natural Family Planning is morally acceptable. Nevertheless, this debate is not my focus.  Instead I found myself reflecting on the annunciation.

These days it seems as though there are many more "reasons" NOT to have children than ever.  For example, society says that simply being a "newlywed" qualifies couples to refrain from openness to life.  For some newlyweds the adjustment to marriage may constitute a serious reason to postpone children, but this (and other grave factors) are not what I am referring to.  Isn't it odd that babies who arrive 9 months after a honeymoon are suprising (and few) nowadays?  Society tells us to take two, five, ten years to get to know each other, buy a home, travel ect... and then we can start thinking about "trying".  Perhaps it is not the children who should be postponed, but rather the wedding date!

When we examine Mary's situation from our own cultural perspective, we realize that she had every reason not to be open to life.  She was barely a teenager, very poor and unmarried.   If you consider the world she lived in, these reasons could constitute even more graveness than they would today.  There was no Medicaid, no crisis pregnancy centers or shelters, and adultery could be punished by death.  Despite this however, Mary said YES to life.  It is through her YES, her fiat, that Jesus our salvation, came into the world.  Moreover, it might be also be fair to point out that God only asked Mary to be receptive to a child once in her life.  God's will for the Holy Family was to always remain a home of three.  This is also a reminder for us as Catholics, that a marriage that is open-to-life will not always fill a twelve-passenger van.

There are many wonderful Church documents such as Humanae Vitae and the Catechism of the Church that can help us understand the Church's teaching on Christian marriages.  Ultimately, husbands and wives must always pray to follow Mary's example of "thy will be done".  Only He knows what is best for our marriages and families.  It is by following God's will that we can work to build a culture of life... and what is more beautiful than that?

Happy Birthday to You

My daughter's 2nd birthday is fast approaching and it got me thinking about how our family celebrates birthdays. We really have no traditions yet so I'm trying to establish some with this birthday (there's a tiny chance she'll remember it!)

My family tends to go big for birthdays - they're a family affair and everyone is included. First birthdays are the biggest, and when I finally asked my Grandma why they were such a big deal, they told me that many babies (in the Dominican Republic, where she and most of her family is from) don't make it one year, so it really is reason to celebrate. My own first birthday was quite elaborate: my grandma made me a dress and pinata, I had a cake comparable to a wedding cake, there were flowers and balloons, and even a marionette show. Wish I could remember it! Hubby's family on the other hand tends to do small parties at home, and if you know my hubby you know how much he just looooooves parties and being the center of attention. Right.

So last year when it came time to plan Ella's 1st birthday I felt really stuck in the middle. I wanted to invite everyone in our family and all our friends because I really really really hate excluding people (esp. my extended family because someone always finds out and then gets mad) and the event planner part of me was DYING to plan something. Anything. We had dirt for a backyard but hubby didn't want me to rent a hall or park for the party so he agreed to put in a backyard. And yes, looking back I don't think we needed quite so much food and I didn't need to spend so much money on favors, but at the end of the day we really had a great time, and so did the birthday girl...once she stopped screaming and took a nap.

This year we've decided to start toning things down a little bit. Her birthday will be smaller, but still so special. And we decided that our birthday traditions will include going on a family outing to somewhere special, 3 presents for the birthday kid, and we will celebrate their baptism day as well with cake and relighting their baptismal candle.

I guess to sum it up, you don't need to do something huge and amazing and elaborate every year. Whatever you do will be special to your child :)

Do you have any neat birthday traditions?

For the Father of my Children...

In honor of my husband, the father of my children, I wanted to take a blog to appreciate all the little things he does, that makes him such a support to me, and an amazing dad to our daughter.

He is consistently striving to lead us closer to Christ by developing his own faith formation so that he can share it with us. He is a strong man who will stand up to defend the faith and his family. He works so hard to support us and simultaneously attempt to share the gospel with the world. When he travels, he’ll take red-eye flights just to avoid traveling for an extra day. If he can make it home to spend time with us before an unexpected evening working, he’ll make the drive back home to see us. On top of that, he's Mr. Fix-it or build-it around the house.

Along with being a hard worker, he is such an amazing support to me by being such an active father. He wakes up with Mina on a regular basis to spend time with her and give me an extra half hour of sleep or a head start on chores before he leaves for work. He takes Mina on little outings like swimming at his parents’ house to give me some R&R and bond with her. He participates in her bedtime routine by reading her stories and singing Disney princess songs with her in Spanish (yes, he knows all the words, hehe). When Mina was young, he’d get up and change her diapers in the middle of the night and volunteered to handle the output while I handled input. He’s into reading parenting books to figure out how to help us raise, happy, healthy, holy children. He LOVES our daughter and showers her with affection and attention. I have no doubt that he will do the same for our son, though in a particular father-son bond.

Thank you to my husband, and to all strong Catholic fathers out there. You are a rare breed and we moms could not do it without you.

And a special thank you to all of our spiritual Fathers who unite us as brothers and sisters in Christ under Holy Mother Church and bring us the sacraments each day.

Happy Father’s Day!

Be one with the donut.

Yesterday I went to a playdate where the hostess made us doughnuts. It was so easy so I figured I'd share it with y'all. Heat up some oil in a pan (she used olive oil but you can also use veggie or corn oil). Open a pack of biscuit mix (the pre-made kind already in a can), then slice it up and cut out holes using a bottle top. Fry until golden brown. She then had the kids put their donuts in a brown bag that either had cinnamon sugar or powdered sugar and they got to shake it to coat it. Freshly made donuts are amazing!!

The Sacrifice of Motherhood

At the moment, God is making me very aware of my calling to sacrifice myself, physically for my children. My belly is rapidly expanding with no signs of slowing, while my toddler still very much likes to be carried most of the day, and when I'm not carrying her, I'm usually chasing her around or on my feet doing housework. My body shape is also changing with this pregnancy, and per doctor's orders, I need to resist the urge to work out, and let my body focus on the life growing inside of it. I'm no hero. I'm just fulfilling my basic duties as a wife and mother. While I've been given these physical means to give of myself, they are only opportunities for grace if I offer myself properly. The truth is, we are all called, as women to motherhood, and it is that giving of oneself for another to nurture souls, that makes us all spiritual mothers.

Whether single, married, consecrated, with or without physical children, we all have a choice to accept or reject our privilege to nurture souls. I have single friends who spend their days educating teens in the faith, taking nights and weekends to help students in extracurricular activities like service projects. Others who go to school during the week themselves, and then spend their free time in youth ministry. I know of others who've taken the time while they're single to offer themselves as missionaries for a year at a time in various parts of the world. They show me, how to give of oneself completely to God, and to others.

However, there are many single people who choose not to accept this time to give of themselves in a unique way. They may spend their evenings after work or weekends at bars or parties, involving themselves with men who aren't interested or prepared for marriage, and they wind up losing precious opportunities for growth in virtue. They may find themselves years from now in a particular vocation, wishing they'd better prepared themselves with all the time they had when they were unattached. There's also married women with children who may go on numerous "girls' vacations" just with their friends (can be good at times, just when balanced properly), spending time away from their families, or neglect their relationships with their spouses and children by spending too much time wrapped up in the things of this world. One mom even told me recently that some of her friends would "sleep train" their children at 6 months of age, leaving them in their crib with the door closed, and going downstairs, turning on music and drinking a glass of wine to drown out their infant's cries for his mother. It's very easy to live selfishly no matter what your state in life.

As women, we have a unique characteristic that makes us capable of nurturing souls in a way men can't. Teachers and nurses are most often careers that women pursue, not just because of the schedules. As someone who went through nursing school with men, from my observations, women just make better nurses (though I will say that men can make fantastic ER, OR, or ICU nurses because of their calm, less emotional manner and physical strength). But when you are bringing a wife and daughter in a room to see their dad on a ventilator for the first time after a heart attack, and the doctor is no where to be found, there is something about a woman, whether she's a mother or not, that makes her more capable of guiding these suffering people through this experience with warmth and care. Women are blessed with a particular grace that, if we accept it, can change the world one person at a time.

Just in the last week, my mom has continued to mother me and her granddaughter, as I was on bed-rest. She woke up a the crack of dawn to cook us dinner, then braved traffic for an hour minimum commute to take my very active toddler for the day, and then make the drive back home in the evening. Though she was taking care of my daughter for most of the day, she was still the most in tune with whatever I needed. No one can replace a mom, or compete when it comes to caring for someone. I'll admit, I can't compete with my mother-in-law when it comes to taking care of my husband, though hopefully, with God's grace, I grow to love my husband as selflessly as she does.

We are all called to mother, no matter what state we're in, to feed immortal souls with love, and truth. Mary, Mother of God, and spiritual Mother to all of us on this Earth, pray for us.

"Are you pregnant yet?"

In the recent weeks, I seem to be getting this question a lot, from everyone from close friends, to my husband, and even my regular confessor. My husband and I are eager to give Mina a little brother or sister, but it seems that it's just not God's will yet. This has given me a lot to think about.

Today, while in mass, I was in the bathroom changing Mina and decided to take a pregnancy test I had in my bag, because I thought there was a possibility I was pregnant, and it would be nice to tell my husband just after the Eucharist. The answer was no, and for a moment, I felt as thought I might shed a tear, particularly when I looked at Mina. I thought of all the joy she brings me, and how much more joy another child would bring. I prayed and offered the moment to Mary and her Son for they know better than I when we should have another child, and we went back into the church.

With Mina waddling around, we decided to head into the cry room for the latter part of mass. It was quite full this morning, and not all with little children, but with a few families with handicapped kids, who have random outbursts, making it tough to sit anywhere else. As soon as I walked in, I couldn't help but think, "Thank you, Lord." Right there in front of me was a lesson. I have no idea why the Lord is choosing this particular spacing for Mina and her brother or sister. I have to realize, though I have no reason to think I'm infertile, that I may never be blessed with having another child naturally again. Or, the Lord could be providing this space because someday we will have a child with special needs, or someone else in the family that we can help care for while we only have one child. For whatever reason, I'm not yet pregnant again, and I thank God for this opportunity to desire children.

We know so little about ourselves in comparison with God, and we must always remember His love for us, whenever there is something we don't understand. If there's one thing we should have no control over, it's deciding when a human being should be created or not, and it's for this reason, that I love being completely open to life. It allows us to submit ourselves in a whole new way to His Holy Will, and to say, as women, "I am your handmaid, Let it be done unto me according to your will."

I thank Him for these months of patience, and I thank Him for those of you who are blessed with having children closer together, for there are lessons for all of us in the gift of family life.

Seeing Through a Child's Eyes

Since Mina has been recognizing people and communicating more frequently in the last few weeks, it's been so fun to watch her interact with people. One day this week, Leo, Mitch, Anna and I were eating lunch and there was a man with dementia sitting at a table next to us. He started speaking to her and she smiled. He sounded crazy to us saying, "I'm going to recruit that boy for my football team, he's going to be strong." To Mina, he was a person, with eyes that she could look into and a mouth to bring a smile to. 

Mina now recognizes us and those she spends time with as familiar faces, but everyone else in the world, she loves because they're a person like her. It doesn't matter what they look like, if their mind is fading, or if they're Dustin Hoffman (who Mina met yesterday in an elevator at LAX). She smiles at them just the same. I just noticed this in her and thought it was such a beautiful reminder, of how we should all love like these innocent children.