Re-Defining Beauty

Yes. This is, in fact, a new blog post. (What? Quick, check the date. September. What year? This year! Nice.) Our lives have been busy (as all lives are) but we here are feeling called to once again take to our keyboards and write about our lives, our faith, and the beauty we see (and try to be) in this world. I was thinking about beauty and what to write and I remembered hearing a quote from Pope Benedict about how the world needs beauty, and how true beauty always leads to God. But I guess I forgot to pin it, so in searching for it, I found this: 

"What is capable of restoring enthusiasm and confidence, what can encourage the human spirit to rediscover its path, to raise its eyes to the horizon, to dream of a life worthy of its vocation -- if not beauty?" 

Still Pope Benedict. He said it in his Address to Artists. And really - I think this says what I wanted to say about this blog. I think we all write not just to get our thoughts down, or to help us keep ourselves thinking about the different aspects of beauty (when I know I'm going to write soon, I tend to think about what I could say when my mind wanders. And since it wanders a lot - it's nice to be almost continually thinking about beauty). But I think we write to help restore enthusiasm and confidence. To encourage ourselves and others to find/rediscover our path. To raise our eyes to the Son on the horizon and to dream and then act on what our lives would be like if we truly fulfilled our vocations. I thought it was a nice thought. Maybe nicer than the original one I had been thinking of. And so I think I'll end this post how Pope Benedict ended his talk:

"Let the beauty that you express by your God-given talents always direct the hearts of others to glorify the Creator, the source of all that is good. God's blessings upon you all!"

Imitating Jesus

A few nights ago I was bathing my toddler, when my mind began to wander.  Overall, we truly enjoy bath time in our home.  On this night however, my husband was working late, the house was a disaster, my son had been overtired and cranky all afternoon, and I was battling first-trimester nausea and (i'll admit it) a bit of boredom.  As a result, I was daydreaming of all of the other things I would rather be doing at that moment...

This train of thought led me to Applejacs' recent post, which created a discussion between working and stay-at-home moms.  I started to pray, "dear Lord, is this really where you want me right now?  Is this the best use of the time and gifts you have given me?"

Almost immediately, as I poured water onto my sons' back, I was hit with the beautiful image of Jesus washing his apostles' feet.  Jesus serving others, lovingly, willingly.  Wow, was I quickly humbled!

Oftentimes, women feel that careers are a ladder to making a "real" difference in the world, or doing something most important and challenging.  I think that when we truly search within ourselves and our current situation, however tedious it may seem, we find so many opportunities that Christ gives us to imitate Him, and to serve others, and to act out of love.  My faith teaches me that nothing this world offers is more important than this.

Perhaps I wasn't saving the world that night in any big way, but with a little added love, I was suddenly helping to do Christ's work on earth.

Adoption as the First choice

I was reading the co-sleeping article that applejacs posted. I have also read articles on the La Leche league website that explain the SIDS is increasing because children are not sleeping near their parents at night and therefore not able to mimic the parent's breathing patterns at night. Children need to learn how to breathe at night and if they are by the mother they will pick up on this pattern.

Anywho... at the bottom of the article I saw this link and as a couple that is currently considering adoption, I took a moment to browse it!
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/03/adoption-as-first-choice.html

I really appreciated that it reminded me that adoption is not just a "second choice" but rather an active choice in how to have children.

My husband's family adopted his oldest sibling and he's always been interested in the idea. I can't stand when people think we are "giving up" on having children of our own if we are considering adoption. Some people have said "what's the rush you haven't been trying that long!" My answer is - We want 8 kids, so at a year and a half with no kids, we've waited long enough in our opinion. Also, we want to give these children that don't have homes, a home. And just in case you were going to ask me what happens if we get pregnant while we are adopting (I also read that only happens in 5% of cases) we'll have 2 babies! I would never take a child into my home and then send him/her on their way because I got pregnant. Would you get rid of your first child if you got pregnant right away with another one? We would simply have our 2 of 8.

Stand By Your Man

We recently had a blog about the crisis in our culture today with real men being a rarity. I find this incredibly true, but am blessed to have a found one of those rare ones who is my protector, my prince, and our family's provider. However, I find myself, on a weekly, if not daily basis, fighting the urge towards my man from Genesis, to not be a nag. I find it incredibly difficult at times to be a supportive wife, and to always appreciate his sacrifice for our family.

My husband doesn't have a 9-5 job. He travels frequently, unexpectedly, may work weekends, evenings, and then there are days where he may leave the house at 10am and be home at 4pm. I knew this was how it was when I married him. Two weeks before our wedding he was in 17 different cities in 19 days. Yes, his job is slightly insane, but enough about that.

The bottom line is, I should not be complaining! I am able to be a mother to my children. I am the one that is there for the 1st words, 1st steps, to put a band aid on that 1st big boo boo. I may be exhausted at the end of the day, but how much more would I be if I had to go to work first and then scrape the bottom of my barrel of energy to try to give to my husband & children. I am confident that my husband would do whatever he had to, if it meant night shifts and picking up garbage to keep me at home, raising our children. Before I call him in the evenings, asking when he'll be home for dinner, if he'll be home, I need to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that I was able to cook a nutritious meal for our family with what my husband has provided for us.

We women who have found these rare, real men, who follow Our Father's command "to till the earth," need to recognize the gift our Lord has given us. We need to thank our husbands daily for their work, and support them in every way possible. I am writing this not just to remind anyone reading, but mostly because I need to remind myself. These men need us to be taking care of their children, keeping house, and giving them a joyful, warm place to retreat to because that will empower them all the more to go out and work the next day, and make them rush out the door to come home to us as soon as their job is done. Call me old fashioned, I am, but I think appreciating these manly men is one step to making men out of our boys.

Anyone have any tips on how to thank/appreciate one's husband and the work he does for the family? (I will also add that my husband served in the navy for a year and he attributes that training to the development of self-discipline in his life)

Making Every Penny Count

My husband and I use a household budget to keep track of what comes in financially, and especially of what comes out.  One area that we really struggle with month after month, is our grocery budget.  The causes for this constantly puzzles me.  Although I admit that I do pick up an impulse buy once in awhile, we waste very little food overall.  For a small family our size though, the numbers never seem to add up--  We are spending too much!  For this reason, we decided that it was time to take try some new techniques that will hopefully make our grocery shopping more gentle on the wallet.

The first thing we have tried for this month is to create a Monthly Meal Plan.  In the past I planned our weekday dinners for the week (weekends I just left up in the air since our routine varies).  About a week before October 1st however, I printed a calendar online and started filling in the days with dinners and making my shopping list.  I marked several days with "Leftovers" or "Take Out", and tried to consider our work schedules and any events we will be attending.  Next, we made an enormous grocery trip for all of the ingredients we would need during the month.  I still planned a weekly trip to the store to pick up any fresh produce needed, but mostly we stocked our freezer and our pantry, and bought as many bulk items as appropriate.  

We are exactly halfway through the month, and things are going very well.  The meal plan has been a blessing in many ways.  It has reduced the stress of last-minute "whats for dinner?", and has also forced me to make less trips to the grocery store (thus reducing impulse buys).  I am already planning on trying to choose meals according to items on sale next month, to try to save even more money.

The second technique that we are experimenting with is coupon-clipping.  We decided to subscribe to the Sunday newspaper, and have started gathering coupons for items that we are likely to purchase.  I also registered with a few products that I am loyal to (Pampers, Target), so that that they would send me coupons, or notify me about sales.  I did not grow up in a family that uses coupons, and part of me still has doubts that $.50 off here and 1$ off there will make a big different, but I am willing to give it a try.  I honestly hope to prove myself wrong!

I do not think that we will hit our budget goal exactly by the end of this month, but we are making improvements, and I think that with practice we will get there.  I thought that it would be fun to share this adventure with other young adults learning the ropes of family life, and also ask-- What do you do to stretch your dollar?  Any additional advice for young families?

E is for Eucharist

I remember the days when I used to love starting off my morning with daily mass.  I would bring my magnificat with me to follow along with the prayers and readings, and I would break fast with the eternal heavenly breakfast of champions- the Eucharist.  I always walked out feeling centered on Christ and ready to tackle my day.

It is disappointing to say, but lately going to mass with a young toddler leaves me feeling nothing but exhausted.  Even when he behaves it is challenging to pay attention to readings and focus on prayer.  We spend most of the time walking around the church, going in and out of the blessed sacrament chapel, looking through picture books and taking short breaks outside.  Although I still subscribe to my magnificat, it spends most of its time at home on my coffee table.  Basically I do whatever it takes to keep my baby calm during mass and to make it to communion so that I can receive Jesus.

I am often tempted to consider "what's the point?"  Am I truly feeding my soul by being physically present but distracted in every other way?  That is when I have to remind myself that God chose the vocation of motherhood for me.  If He wanted me to spend my day in prayer, I would be a religious, not a Mom.  I may not be receiving very many graces through prayer at mass anymore, but I have to trust that I am earning those graces in other ways, mainly by taking care of my son.  And when will I be in a better state to take care of my baby than after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist?

For all you moms out there...

"Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love" - Mildred B. Vermont

It has come to my attention in my conversations with Jesus lately that I do not know how to say no. I really do not like that word. At first I thought that maybe it was a problem. Many times people have said to me that I do not stand up for myself or say what I want enough. I spent about a day thinking that I need to learn to say no more often and that it is fine to do what I want sometimes. Then I thought of our blessed mother. Her defining moment was her big YES. Why do I dislike the word no??? Because it closes me off to giving myself for others and living my life in service. I made a decision a while back to use my single state in life (for as long as Jesus sees fit) to serve my family and friends. I decided that I would never be selfish with this time in my life. This shows itself in big and small ways, mostly small. In even very little decisions I try to yield to the desires of others. Those little choices make the big ones easier and Therese said to love in the little things. It is the little choices that do not draw attention of anyone but Jesus. He alone knows and he alone is all that matters. I love living for others. I love not choosing my way. I believe that it helps to drive out my natural selfishness that fallen nature has given me. I love that I am able to serve my friends and family any time they need. Society tells us single women that we need to "live it up" because once we get married it is all over. I think that I am working toward better preparing myself for marriage by spending my time living for others. If God one day calls me to marriage I hope that I am better able to serve my husband and children because of years of practice. I am writing this to encourage all of our single readers to take this time in your life to live at the service of others. Don't worry that you will lose yourself or your desires. Quite the opposite, you will become most who God wants you to be. Like Mary, we define ourselves with our Yes's. It is truly and amazingly fulfilling.

PS: I have waiting a long time to write on this subject because I did not want to appear to be tooting my own horn or being prideful. Please make no mistake. All is due to the Holy Spirit and the intercession of Our Lady.

Our Anniversary Vacation!!!

So Phil and I are approaching our one year anniversary and we've planned a trip to Arizona! Well maybe not "planned" more like got a free 3 day stay for attending a time share talk on our honeymoon and cause I thought Sedona sounded nice and he didn't disagree, I booked the time share. We were a little worried about the heat, but the Lord is merciful and it says it will only be 85 in Sedona while it will be 100 or so here in Fabulous Fresno! I've learned something while discussing this trip, and that is that I am the kind of person who enjoys road trips and stopping along the side of the road to see the largest twine ball, while he enjoys staying put and spending time with our friends for a vacation. This was a big moment when I realized we had different interests, but I was really glad I realized that so we could both make sure to get our special vacations. (Don't tell Phil I love spending time with our friends too, so I get two great vacations.)

We're celebrating our one year anniversary and here the Lord gave me a chance to learn something about my husband. He gave us a chance to share our preferences and to understand it's ok to have different desires when it comes to vacationing. I'm interested to see what Phil will think of this trip...

As far as the planning, I got a AAA book and I've been asking people about good places to stop along the way. So far I've heard Laughlin and some dive restaurant where they filmed an old movie called Bagdad Cafe. I'm looking forward to a Catholic Chapel in Sedona I heard about and going to mass at St. John Vianney Church as the Year of the Priest ends - how fun to be in a church named after the patron of parish priests!

Here's to Sedona!! Please pray for our trip!

I am a woman of God, hear me roar...

I started commenting on Jaunebug's post and apparently had so much to say that I decided to make it a post of its own.  I am only twenty-four hours into the dress dare and I have a lot on my mind...

It is a wonderful time yet a very difficult time to be a woman.  We have more opportunities and choices than ever, but at the same time we feel as though we are being pulled in every direction and stretched in every area of life.

On one hand, they are telling us to focus on our education, earn five or six degrees and put everything into our careers until we are running a major corporation.  There is no time for love and marriage, we must ignore our fertility and wear ugly pant-suits.  Be like men, they tell us, and then you will have power and you will be respected.

On the flip end, our over-sexualized culture and media tells us that we are "empowered" by our feminine bodies.  Our main goal must be to be outwardly beautiful.  Strut, flaunt, show some skin, enhance, tuck, eat this, wear that...  Men will want you, and you will have power over them.  Unfortunately in this case, we are being objectified, used, and reduced to body parts.

Lastly, some tell us to do it ALL. Work full-time, have two children, do the housework, pay the bills, go out with your girlfriends, run the PTA, cook and eat healthy, exercise, get promoted, plan your best friend's wedding and travel with your husband.  We all know that as ideal as this sounds (and it probably sounds more like your life than the other options), it is overall unrealistic and undoubtedly related to the increase in heart disease these days. 

Is there a happy medium in all of these mixed messages?  What about the part when i said that it is a wonderful time to be a woman?  This is when I am so grateful for my faith. 

I have strong and feminine modern day saints to lead me and pray for me.  Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta was literally called to change the world, by loving the poorest of the poor.  St. Gianna Beretta Molla was a working mother, (a physician!), who laid down her life so that her baby could live.  And of course I have Mary, the model of all women and femininity, to pray for me and to guide me to her son.

As women today in the United States, our opportunities are endless.  So how do we chose, if we can't do it all?  We don't.  Rather, we listen to what God wants from us.  God knows what is best for us and if we stay close to Him, follow his guidance and give of ourselves through love, we will fulfill our vocation as women.  We will be strong AND feminine, we will be respected AND beautiful.  For some women, this will mean a life of service.  For some it will mean a life of prayer.  For some it will mean a career (though I doubt He will require a pantsuit from you).   For some it will mean marriage.  For most, it will mean motherhood, either physically or spiritually.  For many, it will include little bits of everything. 

God gave every human being equal dignity, but he created men and he created women. He made us different and complementary, as a part of His greater plan.  He created YOU for a purpose.  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Ps 139:13).   Being a woman today means so many things, all reflective of His greatness.  So I dare you to wear your skirt because you love being a woman, and let's stand united in a new feminism that always shines forth God's greatness and love.

Nighttime Humility

I spent the early part of this week celebrating my little one's first birthday. I love him to pieces, but this year has been very difficult. It is easy for me to point everything that has gone "wrong" to one problem: my son's inability to sleep.

Before I became a parent, I was fully prepared to trade sleeping in for 6AM Saturday morning cartoons. I knew that my newborn would wake up at night to feed. I understood that there would be teething bouts all the way through toddlerhood, where my husband and I would have to console our aching baby for a few nights in a row. What I did not expect was that one year later, I would still be awoken every hour. I did not expect that I would spend half of my day trying to sooth my baby to sleep for naps and throughout the night.

It is a good thing that I did not know, because sometimes I wonder if I would have had the courage to get on board. I have spent many hours complaining, crying and praying, "Dear Lord, why won't my baby sleep?" There have been many days when I even felt that this situation was bringing me to the point of depression. How could I possibly go on physically, mentally, spiritually with this never ending fast from sleep?

Well, it is a year later and I am still here. No, he is not sleeping much better yet, but I've accepted this fact (on most days). More importantly, I have learned that my son's sleeplessness and my body's sleep deprivation are not the problem. The problem all along has been my lack of humility.

Humility in its truest sense, is the recognition of our relationship to God. To be humble we must always remember who He is, and who we are. God made us to love, worship and serve Him. We do not become saints by doing what we want, or what we think God's will should be, but by doing His will for us in the everyday circumstances He sends us. Every minute of our day is from God, and it is up to us to offer it back to him prayerfully and dutifully. In my case, staying joyful despite getting fewer zzz's is a pleasing act of humility to God.

When we lack humility, we often feel resentful, depressed, frustrated and angry with situations. Our responsibilities become burdensome and our daily crosses become very heavy. Sacrifice seems meaningless, and love lacks in our lives. If we remember however, who God is to us and that each moment IS His will for us, we feel that we can find joy and meaning in our suffering. Even if for the rest of my life I never sleep longer than an hour, I will be at peace because I will be surrendering to God's will.

Another beautiful thing I've noticed specifically about sleep is that it is one of our basic needs. God created our bodies to NEED rest. Similarly to discomfort felt from fasting, my exhaustion can serve as a humbling reminder in itself for me of how much I depend on God, because He made me this way. By "fasting" from sleep, I take attention away from myself and draw my rest and replenishment from a different source: God.

Humility reminds us that God is in charge. We might not understand His will, but it is by following Christ's example and surrendering everything to the Father that will lead us to heaven. Now, please remind me to reread this post daily-- because forgetfulness is a side effect of sleep deprivation and of humanity.

The Pope's message to Young Adults

Pope Benedict addressed 10,000 young people in Prague this morning, and delivered an awesome message regarding vocations. Here are some highlights from his talk.

"In every young person there is an aspiration towards happiness, sometimes tinged with anxiety: an aspiration that is often exploited, however, by present-day consumerist society in false and alienating ways. Instead, that longing for happiness must be taken seriously, it demands a true and comprehensive response. At your age, the first major choices are made, choices that can set your lives on a particular course, for better or worse."

“Many of you He calls to marriage...the preparation for this Sacrament constitutes a real vocational journey...Consider seriously the divine call to raise a Christian family, and let your youth be the time in which to build your future with a sense of responsibility. Society needs Christian families, saintly families!"

"And if the Lord is calling you to follow Him in the ministerial priesthood or in the consecrated life, do not hesitate to respond to His invitation. In particular, in this Year for Priests, I appeal to you, young men. ... The Church in every country, including this one, needs many holy priests and also persons fully consecrated to the service of Christ, Hope of the world.”

Our Holy father challenges us to become messengers of Hope in the world, by responding to the vocation God gives us. We must strive to “live [our] faith with joy and enthusiasm; to grow in unity among [ourselves] and with Christ; to pray and to be diligent in frequenting the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Confession," Pope Benedict said.

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=17243

A Case for Young Marriage

There is no doubt that people in this society are opposed to marrying young. I cannot tell you how many people have given me questioning, or even pitiful looks when they find out that I am 23 years old and already married. As crazy as this sounds, sometimes when I want to be perceived as older than I am, I carefully flash my lefthand ring during a conversation. This came in especially handy when Michael and I went car shopping, and the dealer (noticing us arguing a little) made a comment about how fun SIBLING rivalry can be!!! The bottom line is, marriage before late-twenties is not expected, nor is it socially accepted in our culture.

Many responses to this article http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/blog/on_marrying_young#When:01:30:02Z which favors young marriages, argued that not everyone has to be married young. Of course this is true; a marriage’s holiness is in no way based on age, and there are endless valid reasons for getting married later in life. What is important in this subject matter is that young people, especially those in relationships, need to constantly discern the possibility of marriage. Instead of cohabitating, or floating from relationship to relationship until a young person feels “ready”, marriage should always be the end goal for couples. I have no doubt that many people in their late-teens and possibly in their early twenties may not be ready for marriage or may not have met a suitable partner, and in these case, they should abstain and postpone entering relationships altogether. If a couple is mature enough to enter into a courtship, they should be mature enough to marry.

For those of you who know me, it is clear that I did not even follow my own advice. I entered a relationship at 18, and despite being committed, I did not anticipate wedding bells for several more years. When Brodle was finally old enough to support himself financially, we still met much opposition for being too young. A long engagement until I finished college became a very painful experience, but everyone agreed that this was the “smart” thing to do. Obviously, we were finally married at 22 and 26, making every ounce of patience worth it.

Marriage and parenthood at a young age is no doubt difficult, mostly due to financial strains and a lack of supportive communities. Young marriage however, also has many advantages, as couples grow and mature together during “moldable” years of life, and have more energy to raise little ones. Either way, marriage should not be socially discouraged (it should be encouraged!), and a real, discerned vocation (to marriage or religious life) should never be postponed… Only by aligning our will to God’s will we find His peace!