Finding a Healthy Balance

I was recently listening to a friend of mine describe a diet that she was following.  You sign up with a company who provides you with all of your food and a meal plan to follow.  You cannot deviate from the meal plan at all-- but you also do not have to think or worry about what to eat, and what not to eat.  My friend was convinced that this was perfect for her, because she felt that she could not trust herself to make the right choices when it came to eating.

I think what surprised me the most was the rest of the women in the room's response to the idea of dieting.  The majority of the group seemed to speak about dieting as though it were necessary, and a part of everyday life.  These days there are hundreds and thousands of different diets out there, and hundreds of companies and books who make a profit in claiming to "help" you lose weight.  Have you ever found it ironic that as the diet industry grows, so does our waistlines?  More than ever, obesity is becoming a health issue in our country.  I realize that there are many many factors involved, but I can't help but wonder if "dieting" is part of the problem.

As a teenager, I spent some time controlling my weight with VERY restrictive eating.  I was able to sustain it for a few years, but eventually things started to spin out of control.  I was on a starvation/binge cycle-- feeling more out of control than ever.

I often still struggle with my relationship with food, but I can promise you that at this time in my life, I do not use any form of self-control when it comes to food.  I eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  If I were to be completely honest, I would tell you that I have dessert after every meal, and often in between as well.  I eat when I am hungry, and (most of the time) do not eat when I am not.  And I am not fat-- in fact, I have never felt better. 

By listening to my body's cues, I have been able to find a peaceful balance with food.  God gave us food as fuel, but also for pleasure!  There will be some days when I will eat a nutrient-dense salad, but there will be other days when I polish off an entire batch of brownies.  There will be some days when I walk 7 miles, and others when I don't walk much further than the distance from my living room to my kitchen.  There will be days when my skinny jeans will stay hung up in my closet, and days when I wear them comfortably.  And hopefully, if I listen to what my body needs, on most days I will fall somewhere in between.

I have no doubt that my friend will lose some weight if she follows the diet appropriately.  But what about afterward?  I am willing to bet that a diet like this will never help you to feel better about your body.  This is because most diets train its followers to ignore their bodies hunger cues.  If we aren't listening to our bodies, how will we learn to identify our body's cues when we are full from eating?  How will we know when our body needs food for energy, or perhaps a meal for comfort? 

Beauty is not defined by fitting into a certain size of jeans.  Beauty is about being the person who God made you to be.  We need to trust that by listening to our bodies, we will find a healthy balance.  And lastly, we should be praising Him that eating is enjoyable-- I can't imagine it any other way!

My Lack of Control

Eating Disorders are often connected to a person’s desire for control. Being unable to control outside events during one’s life, it is common for victims to focus on their weight and body image- to a point of an obsession, or disorder. Being a dancer who has gone through hours of eating disorder counseling, I thought that I have had my desire for control over my body, under control. That is, until I became pregnant. If there is one thing about pregnancy that is absolutely clear, it is this: I am not in control. Sometimes it is unclear whether my precious little baby boy is in control, or whether God is in control… but it is never me!

In the first trimester, sickness and nausea forced me to constantly nibble on carb-rich foods. To make things even more challenging, my nausea made exercise impossible… And believe it or not, this lack of diet and exercise was disturbing enough to keep me awake at night, feeling lousy about myself.

As timed passed, my aversion to many healthy foods, such as grilled chicken and vegetables faded, and I felt as though I could be “good” again (in diet language, good means healthy). But of course, the lingering nausea as well as my body’s desire to gain weight made me throw my food plan out of the window…again. Nope, still not in control.

As I approach the end of my pregnancy, now comes another challenging new aspect: my intense fear of being fat. For somebody who has spent so many years of her life putting value in appearances, suddenly feeling like a balloon version of myself has been a great struggle. It doesn’t help that the first thing people around you do is check you out from bottom to top, and even comment on your appearance. Talk about feeling self-conscious!

My purpose for this post is not to rant on about my insecurities and worries about my body. Nevertheless, since our blog is titled “Defining Beauty”, I felt that this subject is very appropriate, and I am fairly confident that I am not the only woman who has struggled in this area. In theory, I realize that pregnancy makes women are even more beautiful, due to the fact that God entrusts their bodies to house His brand new souls. So why is it that society’s standards of beauty are so engrained in our minds, that it is difficult for women to see the beauty in giving their life for their child?

The thing is, we are NOT in control-- God is. And God has made us all beautiful, in His image. If we let go and let Him stay in control of our lives, then we will reach our most beautiful potential. God has called me to motherhood, and answering this call is worth more than any pair of size 0 jeans.