Confirmation Saint-St. Victoria

When choosing my confirmation saint I didn't really know what I was doing. I was going through RCIA and the deacon told my class to pick a saint....that was it. I didn't really know anything about saints so I borrowed a book of saints from a friend and found a saint name that I liked....St. Victoria.

St. Victoria lived in the 3rd century. She was engaged to marry pagan nobleman, Eugenius. Her sister, Anatolia, was also engaged to be married to Titus Anrelius but refused to marry him because she had experienced a vision where she was told "Virginity is an immense treasure of the King of kings." Victoria saw the example Anatolia showed of the spiritual advantages to consecrated virginity and broke her engagement to Eugenius in order to consecrate herself to God. Both girls were imprisoned and martyred for their faith by their suitors. One guard, seeing the girls' unfailing faith, was converted and martyred also. St. Victoria's feast day is December 23rd.

I am so happy to learn about these amazing women, their constant desire to serve our Lord and their sacrifice. I am hoping that this Lenten Season can be a time of sacrifice and prayer for me. There is not much known about St. Victoria but I am glad that I chose her for my confirmation saint and got to do the research on her for my post this week!

Imitating Jesus

A few nights ago I was bathing my toddler, when my mind began to wander.  Overall, we truly enjoy bath time in our home.  On this night however, my husband was working late, the house was a disaster, my son had been overtired and cranky all afternoon, and I was battling first-trimester nausea and (i'll admit it) a bit of boredom.  As a result, I was daydreaming of all of the other things I would rather be doing at that moment...

This train of thought led me to Applejacs' recent post, which created a discussion between working and stay-at-home moms.  I started to pray, "dear Lord, is this really where you want me right now?  Is this the best use of the time and gifts you have given me?"

Almost immediately, as I poured water onto my sons' back, I was hit with the beautiful image of Jesus washing his apostles' feet.  Jesus serving others, lovingly, willingly.  Wow, was I quickly humbled!

Oftentimes, women feel that careers are a ladder to making a "real" difference in the world, or doing something most important and challenging.  I think that when we truly search within ourselves and our current situation, however tedious it may seem, we find so many opportunities that Christ gives us to imitate Him, and to serve others, and to act out of love.  My faith teaches me that nothing this world offers is more important than this.

Perhaps I wasn't saving the world that night in any big way, but with a little added love, I was suddenly helping to do Christ's work on earth.

Stand By Your Man

We recently had a blog about the crisis in our culture today with real men being a rarity. I find this incredibly true, but am blessed to have a found one of those rare ones who is my protector, my prince, and our family's provider. However, I find myself, on a weekly, if not daily basis, fighting the urge towards my man from Genesis, to not be a nag. I find it incredibly difficult at times to be a supportive wife, and to always appreciate his sacrifice for our family.

My husband doesn't have a 9-5 job. He travels frequently, unexpectedly, may work weekends, evenings, and then there are days where he may leave the house at 10am and be home at 4pm. I knew this was how it was when I married him. Two weeks before our wedding he was in 17 different cities in 19 days. Yes, his job is slightly insane, but enough about that.

The bottom line is, I should not be complaining! I am able to be a mother to my children. I am the one that is there for the 1st words, 1st steps, to put a band aid on that 1st big boo boo. I may be exhausted at the end of the day, but how much more would I be if I had to go to work first and then scrape the bottom of my barrel of energy to try to give to my husband & children. I am confident that my husband would do whatever he had to, if it meant night shifts and picking up garbage to keep me at home, raising our children. Before I call him in the evenings, asking when he'll be home for dinner, if he'll be home, I need to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that I was able to cook a nutritious meal for our family with what my husband has provided for us.

We women who have found these rare, real men, who follow Our Father's command "to till the earth," need to recognize the gift our Lord has given us. We need to thank our husbands daily for their work, and support them in every way possible. I am writing this not just to remind anyone reading, but mostly because I need to remind myself. These men need us to be taking care of their children, keeping house, and giving them a joyful, warm place to retreat to because that will empower them all the more to go out and work the next day, and make them rush out the door to come home to us as soon as their job is done. Call me old fashioned, I am, but I think appreciating these manly men is one step to making men out of our boys.

Anyone have any tips on how to thank/appreciate one's husband and the work he does for the family? (I will also add that my husband served in the navy for a year and he attributes that training to the development of self-discipline in his life)

E is for Eucharist

I remember the days when I used to love starting off my morning with daily mass.  I would bring my magnificat with me to follow along with the prayers and readings, and I would break fast with the eternal heavenly breakfast of champions- the Eucharist.  I always walked out feeling centered on Christ and ready to tackle my day.

It is disappointing to say, but lately going to mass with a young toddler leaves me feeling nothing but exhausted.  Even when he behaves it is challenging to pay attention to readings and focus on prayer.  We spend most of the time walking around the church, going in and out of the blessed sacrament chapel, looking through picture books and taking short breaks outside.  Although I still subscribe to my magnificat, it spends most of its time at home on my coffee table.  Basically I do whatever it takes to keep my baby calm during mass and to make it to communion so that I can receive Jesus.

I am often tempted to consider "what's the point?"  Am I truly feeding my soul by being physically present but distracted in every other way?  That is when I have to remind myself that God chose the vocation of motherhood for me.  If He wanted me to spend my day in prayer, I would be a religious, not a Mom.  I may not be receiving very many graces through prayer at mass anymore, but I have to trust that I am earning those graces in other ways, mainly by taking care of my son.  And when will I be in a better state to take care of my baby than after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist?

Mr. Brenner

At my high school (and Chantal's and Applejacs') there was a government teacher/track coach: Mr. Brenner. He always seemed just a little rough around the edges, but he had 3 grown daughters and I'm pretty sure he was a giant softy inside.

I graduated from high school 6 years ago and I still find myself repeating his words almost every day: "Nothing of value is easily earned."

Want to have a relationship with God? It's going to be a struggle that sometimes feels like a one way street. It will take time out of your day and changing your behaviors and attitudes. In the end it's worth it, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.

Those first 6 weeks with a new baby when all you do is feed and change diapers on very little sleep is pure boot camp while you earn their trust.

Even having the privilege of owning a home is hard work. My husband literally gives his life to earn money to keep a roof over our head and both of us work hard to maintain it and keep it relatively clean (don't even ask if it's tidy!).

Anyways, I guess my point is, when you are struggling with something you can try repeating this mantra and inviting God to help you. :)

Where is that darn light switch??

Do you ever look at something in your life and think that maybe it is a test from God? That maybe He is waiting for you to just trust in Him or learn some lesson? At some point though you wonder if you are just dense and not learning the lesson or if you are missing the point all together. I have been reflecting lately on how much we are in the dark with God. Are we really in the dark because of God or do we just not see the darn light switch?

Comida Para Alma=Food for the Soul

While in marriage preparation, I was encouraged by the priest who was celebrating our marriage to take up a hobby. His suggestion, being the one who tills the soil at St. Michael's abbey, was gardening, because it was something that is not only hard work, exercise, but also can beautify the home and bear fruit (literally). Not until I started gardening did I fully understand this. There's something about pulling weeds that is such good penance, I often feel that with each weed I pull, it's like pulling the weeds from my own soul. Since then, it's been a goal of mine, to learn to garden, specifically building a vegetable garden in our yard. So we finally did it!I wanted to show how for anyone interested in creating something like this:

We opted for a raised garden, which is easier than digging up tons of dirt and replacing with the filler.

Fortunately, my husband and father-in-law are quite handy, so they constructed the frame of weather-treated wood, 12" high and 3 feet wide is the important sizing info.

I layed down some organic, biodegradable weed blocking mats on the bottom.

Then came the natural liner, which will break down to produce some good natural compost. We used a nice collection of leaves and branches from our yard.

Next, a whole lot of good ol' smelly maneur! Mina was watching saying, "Stinky."

A final thick layer of compost to top it off...

And voila!

Can't wait to reep the fruits of our labor, and eat them!

The Best and Worst Time

The Best and Worst Time article I wrote for IIbloom is up!

Here is the direct link!

http://www.iibloom.com/?/bloom/article/a-real-life-story-best-and-worst-time/

Confessions of a Jean-Aholic Part II

I have not tried to hide the fact that this Dress Dare is a challenge for me.  We are now more than halfway through, and it is not getting easier!  I am a little disappointed to report that wearing skirts and dresses has not been as "life-changing" as I would have hoped for.  Nevertheless, I have observed some positive (and not so positive) results from taking a part in the Dare.

The most obvious blessing that has come from the Dress Dare for me has been that by purposefully choosing to wear my skirt over my jeans, I have a constant daily reminder of Mary.  Similarly to wearing a cross, miraculous medal, or tying a string around your finger, my clothing helps me to remember to turn to her throughout my day.  No human has ever been closer to Jesus, and I feel that I can put my trust in her to help me walk with Him throughout my days.

The Dress Dare has also given me a boost of energy!  I am a sleep-deprived mommy and part-time dance teacher-- this means that I practically live in my sweats and work-out clothing.  I believe that taking some time out of my day to focus on my outward beauty by planning an "outfit" has actually translated to my inward-beauty, by making me feel more energetic and joyful.

The major difficulty that I have experienced this month is that all of the sudden, I am noticing what everyone around me is wearing.   As someone who really struggles with vanity, this does not seem to be fruitful in my spiritual life.  This passed Sunday at mass, I was distracted for several minutes when I started counting the women in front of me wearing jeans!  I know that God wanted me in prayer and focused on the mass- not on everyone around me.  Although I understand that what we wear can have an impact on our relationship with God and how we are perceived as Christians; there are also much more important things in our world and in our souls to be fighting for.  I suppose I am admitting that I am still not convinced about the significance of wearing skirts.   Has anyone had a similar experience here?

Of course I have not given up...  I have less than 2 weeks to go!  Pray for one another!

Learning to Trust

This past week, I faced one of the scariest moments of my life, when I started severely bleeding and having contractions only 22 weeks into my pregnancy with our 2nd child. We rushed to the hospital, without a clue of what could be happening. All I could think or say to my husband on the way there was, "We just have to trust because we are doing all we can. Whatever's happening is happening." When the nurse had me and the baby on the monitors, and the Dr. performed an ultrasound, we were relieved that little Lukas was stable. Being a nurse, I was the calm one between my husband and I, trying not to show him I was concerned when I could read that the Dr.'s and nurse's faces still showed their concern.

It was when the doctor did a full exam and had a real look of concern at all the bleeding that I started to get scared. When the nurse and Dr. left the room, separated by a curtain, I overheard the nurse ordering a blood test for a condition called DIC, which was one of the scariest conditions I learned about in nursing school. This is an emergency condition in which the body increases clotting and bleeds at the same time, so there's really nothing they can do to treat it. They can't give clotting factors because it could cause more life-threatening blood clots, but they can't give blood thinners either because that could increase the bleeding. One can die at any moment from a blood clot to a vital organ, or suffer fatal bleeding. Pregnancy is a risk factor. Fortunately, my husband left for a bit to go check on our daughter who was at her grandparents' house, since we knew we'd just be waiting for the blood-work for a while. The nurse sat by my bed most of the time, because she was monitoring me very closely. I had a few hours, while I waited for my blood results, to think about the possibilities of the results. For the first time in my life, I had someone testing me for a serious life-threatening condition, and I had to face my own mortality.

Ultimately, all I could do was remind myself of the words I'd spoken to my husband a few hours earlier. I could not change the results of the test. All I could do was pray, and trust in the Lord. Thankfully, though I'm still undergoing further tests, things looked good enough that I could go home on bed-rest. It looks like the main culprit is a low-lying placenta, that partially tore, but that will hopefully move as the uterus expands. DIC is still a possibility for me as some of my labs have been slightly off, but now is the time to learn to be dependent. I am dependent on others right now to care for me, my child, and my husband. More than anything, little Lukas and I are completely dependent on the Lord. Really, it's no different than any other day, because the Lord is always in control. We are all His children, nestled in His arms, relying on Him for the gift of life, grace, and love. It's up to us to hug back, knowing He'll always have us.