St. Martha

St. Martha is one of those saints that get a bum deal. You know, like "doubting Thomas" and Adam and Eve... saints that are mostly remembered for the dumb things they said (or did) once and not all the rest. Seriously - you complain about your sister ONCE and everyone remembers you as stick-in-the-mud-Martha...

So I thought it was really interesting when I heard once that Martha is a recognized saint, while Mary (her sister who "chose the better part") is not. Sounds weird, right? Well, even though Mary was praised by Jesus, and is, most likely, in Heaven with Him, she never came out and stated her belief in the Gospels. Martha, on the other hand, did proclaim her faith when she went out to meet Jesus when he came to rise Lazarus.

Thinking about these two helps me a couple ways:

1) as a natural invert, I find myself sitting around thinking, thinking, thinking about things (sometimes even holy things!) and never get around to acting on them. It's good to think about Charity, but if I don't get around to actually being charitable, I'm a resounding gong. I need to be more like St. Martha, don't wait around for Jesus, go out and find Him! and

2) Just because I've chosen wrong in the past, doesn't mean that I can't move past it. I mean, Martha could have wallowed in the fact that she chose the worse part and that really could have affected her relationship with Jesus. But, instead, she feels like she can still go to Him, and has confidence in Him, even when she thinks He was recklessly tardy. "If you had been here, my brother would not have died."

St. Martha, faith so strong you can chide Jesus and still end up a saint, pray for us!

Finding a Healthy Balance

I was recently listening to a friend of mine describe a diet that she was following.  You sign up with a company who provides you with all of your food and a meal plan to follow.  You cannot deviate from the meal plan at all-- but you also do not have to think or worry about what to eat, and what not to eat.  My friend was convinced that this was perfect for her, because she felt that she could not trust herself to make the right choices when it came to eating.

I think what surprised me the most was the rest of the women in the room's response to the idea of dieting.  The majority of the group seemed to speak about dieting as though it were necessary, and a part of everyday life.  These days there are hundreds and thousands of different diets out there, and hundreds of companies and books who make a profit in claiming to "help" you lose weight.  Have you ever found it ironic that as the diet industry grows, so does our waistlines?  More than ever, obesity is becoming a health issue in our country.  I realize that there are many many factors involved, but I can't help but wonder if "dieting" is part of the problem.

As a teenager, I spent some time controlling my weight with VERY restrictive eating.  I was able to sustain it for a few years, but eventually things started to spin out of control.  I was on a starvation/binge cycle-- feeling more out of control than ever.

I often still struggle with my relationship with food, but I can promise you that at this time in my life, I do not use any form of self-control when it comes to food.  I eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  If I were to be completely honest, I would tell you that I have dessert after every meal, and often in between as well.  I eat when I am hungry, and (most of the time) do not eat when I am not.  And I am not fat-- in fact, I have never felt better. 

By listening to my body's cues, I have been able to find a peaceful balance with food.  God gave us food as fuel, but also for pleasure!  There will be some days when I will eat a nutrient-dense salad, but there will be other days when I polish off an entire batch of brownies.  There will be some days when I walk 7 miles, and others when I don't walk much further than the distance from my living room to my kitchen.  There will be days when my skinny jeans will stay hung up in my closet, and days when I wear them comfortably.  And hopefully, if I listen to what my body needs, on most days I will fall somewhere in between.

I have no doubt that my friend will lose some weight if she follows the diet appropriately.  But what about afterward?  I am willing to bet that a diet like this will never help you to feel better about your body.  This is because most diets train its followers to ignore their bodies hunger cues.  If we aren't listening to our bodies, how will we learn to identify our body's cues when we are full from eating?  How will we know when our body needs food for energy, or perhaps a meal for comfort? 

Beauty is not defined by fitting into a certain size of jeans.  Beauty is about being the person who God made you to be.  We need to trust that by listening to our bodies, we will find a healthy balance.  And lastly, we should be praising Him that eating is enjoyable-- I can't imagine it any other way!

T is for...Teaching

In America today, 3 out of 4 K-12 teachers, is female. Think about your favorite teacher growing up. What qualities made them so great? My favorite teacher was my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Sipe. I still remember vividly. It was my first year at a new school after moving across the country for the 2nd time in 3 years. What I remember most, is her warmth, and the emphasis that she put on good behavior in the classroom. She was so genuinely sweet herself, yet not afraid to discipline, that created a class full of children from all different backgrounds, who for the most part, interacted charitably and peacefully.

Even the statistics show that women are more drawn to the profession of teaching, and seem to excel in it more than men. I can't put my finger on just one quality that makes women naturally such good teachers, but I would love to hear your thoughts (especially since several of our bloggers who don't yet have children of their own, and even one who does, are feeding those of others as teachers).

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that, "Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones."³¹ Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them." (CCC 2223)

For those of us who are mothers, it is quite clear that we are the primary educators of our children, as for most of us, we are the primary caregivers. Some of us may choose to homeschool, which makes us our child's teacher, on a whole other level.

Clearly, the Lord calls many women, no matter what their vocation or state in life, to be teachers. What is it about us that makes us particularly fit for educating? Is it patience, nurturing, compassion, listening skills, or is this something that is built into our physical and spiritual makeup?

G is for Graceful

One of my favorite feminine adjectives has to be the word graceful.  We use it all the time in dance to describe fluid, light-footed, elegant movement.  Similarly, we use it to illustrate a quality or style about some persons we know-- usually women.  In a quick Google-search of the term, I discovered the definition of graceful to be "characterized by beauty of movement, form, style or execution".

 Of course, grace is also a common word in our faith.  Mary was described as "full of grace" during the angelic salutation.  We are told that we should be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion.  We receive Jesus's graces through all of the sacraments.  I could go on, but instead I decided to do a quick refresher study on what grace is exactly in Christianity.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that "Grace is favor, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God, adoptive sons, partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life" CCC 1996.  Grace is a "gift from the Spirit who justifies and sanctifies us" CCC 2003.  There is sanctifying grace, which we receive at baptism and stays with us in our soul, enabling us to receive God and live with Him.  There are also actual grace, or favors, given to us by God to help us live our lives and attain sanctification.  Sacramental graces and special graces can be examples of ways that God enables us to collaborate in our salvation and that of those around us. 

I cannot help but wonder where the historic connection developed between these two similar words.  And why is it, that although grace is equivalently relevant to both men and women in a religious sense, graceful almost is exclusively used to positively describe women.  Could it be that in being feminine, or graceful, we most closely resemble she who was "full of grace"? 

Perhaps I need to spend some time in prayer over this matter, but I would also love to hear if any of you have any thoughts about this.  Why is a woman's feminine quality described as graceful? Does it have any relationship to being grace-filled?

F is for Femininity

There are so many meanings to femininity - I'm hoping a couple of the other girls chime in on this because as I've been thinking about what to write about and I've come up with about 10,000 ideas. (Or, at least more than 5 anyway...)

1) Do I write about my husband's current favorite bible quote: "Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in battle array? " - Song of Solomon 6:10

It's traditionally thought to refer to Mother Mary, and I love it as a broader description of femininity.

2) Do I talk about what wikipedia has down as the "cultural norms" of femininity: Cleavage, Corsets, Foot binding, High heels, Modest dress (specifically Muslim female dress), and Neck rings. (I looked that last one up.) Turns out that in some African and Asian cultures long necks are considered pretty, so they put all these rings around them to make them look longer. Anyway, *what* a list!

3) Do I talk about what Paul VI said in one of his Discourses: "...it is evident that women are meant to form part of the living and working structure of Christianity in so prominent a manner that perhaps not all their potentialities have yet been made clear." And NO, this does not mean that one day women will be priests, that is a male potentiality. A woman's goal in life should not be to try (and fail miserably) to take on as much masculine duties and characteristics as possible. But maybe some future female will explain to the Church how all people can fulfill their calling to true contemplation of God. Maybe women will come to a deeper understanding of why they tend to be "naturally religious" and this realization will change society's whole vision of religion. It could be anything. Who knows?

4) OR I could raddle on about John Paul II's phrase in On the Dignity and Vocation of Women (of which I've only read a tiny bit) "To serve means to reign." He talks about how Mary after giving her fiat at the Annunciation, immediately defines her new relationship "I am the handmaid of the Lord" (Lk 1:38). -- by the way -- I also love that she feels the need to define her relationship. I mean, isn't that always what we girls want to do when we get into a new relationship? Are we just friends? Are we in love? Are we not, but will be? What's the deal?! John Paul II says that Mary by saying this "takes her place with Christ's messianic service." And in Christ's Kingdom, there is a "royal dignity of service;" Christ continually says that He has come to serve. Mary realizes this, and when she is told that she has been chosen to be the Mother of God, immediately sees that she will reign as queen. BUT her reigning will consist of serving. So when she says "I am the handmaid of the Lord," she is also saying that she will be queen.

And do you think that Disney came up with the idea that all girls are princesses? I think not. Since Mary is in many ways the culmination of true femininity, her virtues show us our own feminine virtues God has implanted in us. So when a little girl "randomly" dresses up in a gown and declares herself queen or princess, she is really expressing what Mary expressed at the Annunciation: I am made to reign (but reign by serving).

I should probably stop here since I'm not sure that that last one was all too clear... and since the next idea had to do with Free Will, and our will's submissiveness, and our feminine calling to be submissive to our husband's and ultimately Christ... (and you can land in heresy REALLY easily when talking about Free Will) I should probably just leave off here until I think about it a little more.

This Scares Me...

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/07/should-the-birth-control-pill-be-sold-without-a-prescription.html

...a lot!

Love, HONOR, and obey

Whenever I go to playdates with our secular playgroup, many of the women spend their time complaining, complaining, and complaining about their husbands. We women seem to like to gossip and talk about other people in general and most of the time it is good and uplifts the person we're talking about.

I went to a wedding in 2004 and in the homily the priest said that when a woman complains about her husband to friends or tells his faults and shortcomings to the world she is breaking the vow she took of honoring her husband. Powerful stuff.

We really need to try and only speak kind words about others, especially if we're one flesh with them :).

Applause

This blog is for all of you who've joined in the dress dare. CONGRATULATIONS! You have reached the finish line. Just one more day and you've made it an entire month without pants. The thing that I think is most worth of applause, is your openness. This dare, does not come easy to most women in our culture, and I think we've all encountered resistance at some point.

Women are made to be receptive. We were created, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be receivers, and in order to fulfill this, we must open our souls to the Lord, to His grace, and to those He places in our lives to lead us. The beauty of those who've taken on this dare, is that despite whatever attachments you had, you've embraced the challenge to fight that, for the possibility of growing closer to Christ, and becoming more like His Mother. This alone, makes you more like Mary, because she is our model as the Lord's handmaid. She submitted her entire body and life to Him, though she had no idea all that it would entail.

The feast of the Annunciation is my favorite Marian feast because to me, that is where the moment where she chooses to trust the Lord. We are not all given direct questions by angels, as Mary was, but we are all given the opportunity to embrace God's will each day. We are all called to be His handmaids, His brides, to submit ourselves to Him, no matter what the sacrifice. No sacrifice of ours can compare with what He's done for us, but these sacrifices can be redemptive, and fruitful in our lives, both here on Earth, and in eternity.

Even if you don't see the changes that have occurred in the last month, know that you have likely grown. If nothing else, simply offering your body to Christ, to adorn it modestly, and more as Mary would have (since we've never seen her in pants, even in recent apparitions), and to give up an article of clothing that many find easier and more comfortable, can bear great fruit in your lives. I congratulate you all on being open to growing closer to Christ, and seeking out sanctification. Thank you all for joining me as Sisters in Christ! Knowing that we've been united in this challenge, despite living in various parts of the States and even the world, has made me feel all the more connected to the Body of Christ we find in Holy Mother Church.

P.S. One of our readers recommended this article in a comment and I thought it really captured a lot of our thoughts this month...Cardinal Siri, "Men's Dress Worn By Women"

Confessions of a Jean-Aholic Part II

I have not tried to hide the fact that this Dress Dare is a challenge for me.  We are now more than halfway through, and it is not getting easier!  I am a little disappointed to report that wearing skirts and dresses has not been as "life-changing" as I would have hoped for.  Nevertheless, I have observed some positive (and not so positive) results from taking a part in the Dare.

The most obvious blessing that has come from the Dress Dare for me has been that by purposefully choosing to wear my skirt over my jeans, I have a constant daily reminder of Mary.  Similarly to wearing a cross, miraculous medal, or tying a string around your finger, my clothing helps me to remember to turn to her throughout my day.  No human has ever been closer to Jesus, and I feel that I can put my trust in her to help me walk with Him throughout my days.

The Dress Dare has also given me a boost of energy!  I am a sleep-deprived mommy and part-time dance teacher-- this means that I practically live in my sweats and work-out clothing.  I believe that taking some time out of my day to focus on my outward beauty by planning an "outfit" has actually translated to my inward-beauty, by making me feel more energetic and joyful.

The major difficulty that I have experienced this month is that all of the sudden, I am noticing what everyone around me is wearing.   As someone who really struggles with vanity, this does not seem to be fruitful in my spiritual life.  This passed Sunday at mass, I was distracted for several minutes when I started counting the women in front of me wearing jeans!  I know that God wanted me in prayer and focused on the mass- not on everyone around me.  Although I understand that what we wear can have an impact on our relationship with God and how we are perceived as Christians; there are also much more important things in our world and in our souls to be fighting for.  I suppose I am admitting that I am still not convinced about the significance of wearing skirts.   Has anyone had a similar experience here?

Of course I have not given up...  I have less than 2 weeks to go!  Pray for one another!

The First Lady

Here is just one more reason I'm glad we are doing this dress dare. I don't want to curse the darkness, and be super negative, but this picture just gave me a lot to think about. Shown here is our current "First Lady." To me, she looks nothing like a lady at her most recent state dinner for the President of Mexico.

When I think of a First Lady, I think, "Jackie O" in her beautiful dresses and classy skirt suits. She epitomized class and elegance. I think this is just one more reason for us to redefine what it means to be a lady. Clearly, in our culture today, we need to bring back formal wear that doesn't mean less clothing, or being so made up that we look nothing like our natural selves. Let us look to Our Lady, not the "First Lady" for our standards of what makes us a "lady."

Happy Mother's Day

"The eternal mystery of generation, which is in God himself, the one and Triune God (cf. Eph 3:14-15), is reflected in the woman's motherhood and in the man's fatherhood.  Human parenthood is something shared by both the man and the woman.  Even if the woman, out of love for her husband, says:  'I have given you a child,' her words also mean: 'This is our child.' Although both of them together are parents of their child, the woman's motherhood constitutes a special 'part' in this shared parenthood, and the most demanding part.  Parenthood- even though it belongs to both- is realized much more fully in the woman, especially in the prenatal period.  It is the woman who 'pays' directly for this shared generation, which literally absorbs her energies of her body and soul.  It is therefore that the man be fully aware that in their shared parenthood he owes a special debt to the woman.  No program of 'equal rights' between women and men is valid unless it takes this fact fully into account."

Mulieris Dignitatem, Pope John Paul II

Sarcasm oops

Forgive me because this post has nothing to do with our dress dare but is something I thought worth sharing. In the last week I accidentally hurt the feelings of two wonderful people through "innocent" joking. I used the dangerous humor of sarcasm. Did any of you know that the word sarcasm means to tear the flesh? Although it is at times funny I have learned the hard way that it can be damaging. Women are supposed to bring love into our world. We should be working to build people up and never tear them down even if we don't really mean to. I am making a commitment to stop using sarcasm. I honestly don't use it much but I am committing to not using it at all because I don't think it makes me more beautiful or feminine which is our goal here after all right?

I am a woman of God, hear me roar...

I started commenting on Jaunebug's post and apparently had so much to say that I decided to make it a post of its own.  I am only twenty-four hours into the dress dare and I have a lot on my mind...

It is a wonderful time yet a very difficult time to be a woman.  We have more opportunities and choices than ever, but at the same time we feel as though we are being pulled in every direction and stretched in every area of life.

On one hand, they are telling us to focus on our education, earn five or six degrees and put everything into our careers until we are running a major corporation.  There is no time for love and marriage, we must ignore our fertility and wear ugly pant-suits.  Be like men, they tell us, and then you will have power and you will be respected.

On the flip end, our over-sexualized culture and media tells us that we are "empowered" by our feminine bodies.  Our main goal must be to be outwardly beautiful.  Strut, flaunt, show some skin, enhance, tuck, eat this, wear that...  Men will want you, and you will have power over them.  Unfortunately in this case, we are being objectified, used, and reduced to body parts.

Lastly, some tell us to do it ALL. Work full-time, have two children, do the housework, pay the bills, go out with your girlfriends, run the PTA, cook and eat healthy, exercise, get promoted, plan your best friend's wedding and travel with your husband.  We all know that as ideal as this sounds (and it probably sounds more like your life than the other options), it is overall unrealistic and undoubtedly related to the increase in heart disease these days. 

Is there a happy medium in all of these mixed messages?  What about the part when i said that it is a wonderful time to be a woman?  This is when I am so grateful for my faith. 

I have strong and feminine modern day saints to lead me and pray for me.  Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta was literally called to change the world, by loving the poorest of the poor.  St. Gianna Beretta Molla was a working mother, (a physician!), who laid down her life so that her baby could live.  And of course I have Mary, the model of all women and femininity, to pray for me and to guide me to her son.

As women today in the United States, our opportunities are endless.  So how do we chose, if we can't do it all?  We don't.  Rather, we listen to what God wants from us.  God knows what is best for us and if we stay close to Him, follow his guidance and give of ourselves through love, we will fulfill our vocation as women.  We will be strong AND feminine, we will be respected AND beautiful.  For some women, this will mean a life of service.  For some it will mean a life of prayer.  For some it will mean a career (though I doubt He will require a pantsuit from you).   For some it will mean marriage.  For most, it will mean motherhood, either physically or spiritually.  For many, it will include little bits of everything. 

God gave every human being equal dignity, but he created men and he created women. He made us different and complementary, as a part of His greater plan.  He created YOU for a purpose.  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Ps 139:13).   Being a woman today means so many things, all reflective of His greatness.  So I dare you to wear your skirt because you love being a woman, and let's stand united in a new feminism that always shines forth God's greatness and love.

I wear the skirt

in my marriage, in my family. And this is not a bad thing.

I am a women who is happy to be a women. Nothing against men, but I am not trying to be a man and am glad I'm not a man. I would make a terrible man. I am soft, feminine, supportive and loving to my husband and (hopefully) to all people around me. I am not weak, nor unintelligent, unmotivated, and I am not "mooching" off my husband's hard work.

And it makes me upset when people assume that feminine = weak or anything of the like.

For instance, we are looking into buying a house. And without going into too many details, it was made clear to me that my husband was considered the buyer (or as they put it "the decision maker"), while I was the little wife whose ideas, thoughts and questions were not as important. I am sure that the stress of looking for a house, and pregnancy hormones did not help.

But when I told (was complaining to) some friends about this, they're answer was "and you're going to wear skirts for a month?"

Somewhere along the way, I think people decided that all skirts were made out of doormats. This is why I've decided to do the Dress Dare. All the women that I know who are doing this are strong, beautiful, intelligent women. Women who you look up to. Women who you see in a skirt and think "well, if she's wearing a skirt, then maybe it's a good thing." Maybe all these ideas about how wearing a skirt means that you've given up on your own identity, you're own soul, are wrong.

Well - I'm glad to wear the skirt, and glad that some of my brilliant friends are challenging the rest of us to show the world with what we wear that true femininity means being a strong, beautiful, soft, intelligent, confident, rational being enlivened by God's own spark burning within us. (And not some wanna-be in an ugly pant suit.)

Grab your skirts, shave those legs and join us!

A Reflection From Mother Teresa

"I do not understand why some people are saying that women and men are exactly the same, and are denying the beautiful differences between men and women. All God's gifts are good, but they are not all the same. As I often say to people who tell me that they would like to serve the poor as I do, "What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God." It is just this way with the differences between women and men.

God has created each one of us, every human being, for greater things-- to love and to be loved. But why did God make some of us men and others women? Because a woman's love is one image of the love of God, and a man's love is another image of God's love. Both are created to love, but each in a different way. Woman and man complete each other, and together show forth God's love more fully than either can do it alone.

That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother. Motherhood is the gift of God to women. How grateful we must be to God for this wonderful gift that brings such joy to the whole world, women and men alike! Yet we can destroy this gift of motherhood, especially by the evil of abortion, but also be thinking that other things like jobs or positions are more important than loving, than giving oneself to others. No job, no plans, no possessions, no idea of "freedom" can take the place of love. So anything that destroys God's gift of motherhood destroys His most precious gift to women-- the ability to love as a woman."

http://www.catholic.org/clife/teresa/quotes.php

Live Action Video

I posted a similar story about this subject last month. Here once again, a pro-life group went undercover in a Planned Parenthood clinic.

It breaks my heart to think about the effect that Planned Parenthood must have had on so many young girls. We can even ignore the issue of abortion, and it is still very clear how hurtful this organization is to women. Young girls who are clearly in trouble are being misguided and their serious issues are being "hid under the rug", rather giving them a safe haven and helping them find appropriate help. As women, do we not have more value than this?? We truly need to stand up together against this kind of behavior and treatment. On top of everything, our society considers this a "charitable" organization! Let's pray for young women faced with unexpected pregnancies as a result of abusive relationships and rape, that they may find appropriate counseling and help.

To watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTxsWZz9whg

For a list of businesses that support planned parenthood, visit http://www.cogforlife.org/ppsupporters.htm. In many cases it is very difficult to avoid consumption of their products/services, but we can all do our part to shop elsewhere if possible, and/or write letters pleading them to stop supporting Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood, hurting women since 1916

I am extremely concerned about a recent article I read. In North Carolina, two college members of "Students for Life" visited separate Planned Parenthood clinics, posing as underage women (ages 14 and 15) who had had sex with their mothers' live-in boyfriend. For both visits, Planned Parenthood staff acknowledged that this situation was defined as statutory rape, yet neither case was ever reported. Both girls were also given birth control pills without their parents' consent (allowing the situation to continue longer), and were sent home to take the After Morning Pill, to cover the rapists' crimes.

Read the entire article here.

Now I realize that in society's eyes, the majority of people have trouble understanding why artificial birth control is harmful to women. Similarly, there is a large number of people in the world who do not understand how harmful abortion is to women. I know that it is safe to say, however, that the MAJORITY of society KNOWS that rape is detrimental to women, young and old. Can someone PLEASE explain to me how an organization that claims to "support women" can actually let something this serious slide by?!?

Freedom for Women

Speaking of her husband, Michelle Obama said: “He’ll protect a woman’s freedom of choice, because government should have no say in whether or when a woman embraces the sacred responsibility of parenthood.”

I am getting frustrated by "Pro-Choicers", (especially women) who seem to be COMPLETELY missing the point. The pro-life movement is not an attempt to attack women's freedom, or make doctors' criminals. We are pro-life because we are pro-women and pro-doctors. And yes Mrs. Obama, I agree that a woman should have the right to decide whether or not she is ready to parent. Practicing abstainence is a very respectful and effective way to live out this decision, requiring no government intervention whatsoever...

As pro-lifers are not trying to create a bunch of rules, we are trying to create FREEDOM for our world. We want to give future generations the freedom and the right to LIVE. I know that I am preaching to the choir, but it completely blows my mind how these simple facts seem to be so distorted.

On a more positive note, McCain has chosen Alaskan senator Sarah Palin as his running mate. She is a mother of 5, (her youngest even has downs!), and I found the following quote from her:

“I am pro-life and I believe that marriage should only be between and man and a woman.”

Could this mother and politician actually provide a strong and beautiful female role model for our nation and world?