Laying Down a Proper Foundation for Family

"Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock, and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." -Matthew 7:24-27

I have been reflecting this week, about what kind of foundation I have laid for myself, my marriage and my family.  I know that this is the healthy order that things should be in.  Despite this, I often feel as though I am working backwards.

My most obvious goals encourage and inspire me to focus on my family's foundation daily: I strive to build a healthy, strong, attached relationship with my children;  I pray with them everyday; I teach them about the faith; I work hard to correct and develop their character and I make an effort to encourage lasting and healthy habits.  My husband and I talk about our future plans for our children and family, and what would like for our children to be like as young men.  We arrange family activities to bond and play and we go to mass together.  We make mistakes often, but are also very committed to building a strong foundation for our (still very young) family.

I also take time to focus on my marriage.  In five years we have already seen many fruits that have come from the graces of the sacrament of matrimony.  My husband and I make an effort to connect daily, and we genuinely enjoy each other.  We make spiritual goals together and help keep each other accountable with our struggles and our attempts to grow in virtue.  Do we pray together everyday?  Not really.  Shouldn't something like prayer be the basic foundation of our marriage?  Definitely.  Will we withstand rain, floods and winds?  By the grace of God we will-- but I know that there is still foundational work left to do in this department.

And then there is me.  I have been meditating about what kind of foundation I have built my house on.  I often feel unsure that it is rock, in fact on some days my foundation even feels like quick sand!  And although I could go into many, (many) examples about why I feel this way, my most urgent question is how this impacts the natural progression of my vocation-- in my personal relationship with God, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with my children.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that if the first is strong, the laters will follow in a similar path.  I will never be able to love my husband enough if I do not love God first, and let Him work through my marriage.  My children will never grasp or believe any prayers, catechesis or a desire for the faith if they don't SEE me living my life out of LOVE for God.  My foundation matters, not only to me, but to my husband and family.  In fact, our sanctity might just depend on it.

As mothers, it is very easy to push our own needs aside, our spiritual needs included.  I understand that my vocation will not allow me to spend hours in adoration or pray the liturgy of the hours uninterrupted on a daily-basis.  I also understand that in living out a mother's spirituality, there will be days when the only formal prayers I will say will be the simple prayers I say with my children-- but if I do it out of true love for my Creator and and actually PRAY (instead of just reciting with or mimicking my preschoolers), then I will have seized an opportunity to strengthen my home.   I am a part of my marriage and family's foundation, and it is up to no one but myself to pray for wisdom and to work to build my life on rain, flood and wind-withstanding rock.

(http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%22Rock_and_Cloud,_Kings_River_Canyon_(Proposed_as_a_national_park),%22_California,_1936.,_ca._1936_-_NARA_-_519927.jpg)

Me-Time

For the past few years, my husband has been taking grad-school classes in the evening to earn his MBA.  This means that on 2 or 3 evenings a week he often leaves his full work-day to head straight to school, on occasion dropping in at home for a quick bite to eat.  Although this routine has been a challenge in many ways (especially since we've had a baby), I have also learned to see it as a blessing.

Although I love being with my husband, I am an introvert, and so I truly enjoy time to myself.  I do not always have to be relaxing during this "me" time-- no matter what I am doing, I relish in the quietness and peace that comes to me when I am alone.  Doing chores, groceries, folding laundry or catching up on work are all tasks that I am known to occupy myself with while my hubby is at school.

Once in awhile however, I love to indulge in a little special personal time.  My favorite solitary things to do are to exercise, stretch, shop online, write and read.  At the end of a really tough day, I might even pour myself a glass of wine, bake, or put in a DVD.  Having this time to myself always helps me feel at peace and rejuvenated.

I'm curious:  What are your favorite things to do when you have alone time?  How do you schedule time for yourself when things get busy?

The power of touch

One of my husband's best friends was admitted to the hospital yesterday with a brain bleed. He is 34 years old and there was little to no idea that he had such high blood pressure that could cause the bleeding. His wife rushed him the the emergency room when he woke up early yesterday morning. He and his wife have only been married for 2 and a half weeks, the actually got married on our first anniversary. We spent yesterday in the hospital surrounded by people who were there to support their friend and await his recovery. Currently he's in a drug induced coma and the doctor's tell us it will be a waiting game to see if he'll recover and if so, what the extent of the damage will be. Events like this of course make everyone stop and realize how precious life is. We don't know how long we're here on earth or when we'll have to say goodbye to someone we love. It always reminds people to say "I love you" to those certain people so that you're sure they know how you feel. I realized all of this yesterday but I had a really unique experience at one point in the day. My husband's friend's wife went back to see him in ICU and she asked if I wanted to go with her. Many people had been back to see him, but I had not. As part of the healing process the doctor's have placed him in a drug induced coma and put him on a ventilator so that his body doesn't have to do a lot of work and instead can rest and hopefully the bleeding will clot and then stop. They want his blood pressure to be 115-122 over 60 - just a normal pressure. His wife and I were watching the blood pressure machine to see how he was doing. It was fluctuating between 120-123. Then she went to touch him and it slowed down. It stayed between about 117-119. He needed to his wife. He needed to feel her calming touch. She was there with him, he could relax. I know the Lord is working on him and I know of course the power of the Lord is infinitely greater than ours, but I was also reminded yesterday that a simple touch of the hand can sooth the heart. His parent's are very faithful and hoping for a miracle. At the end of the day his mother told us all - for those of you that believe in God, you're expecting a miracle, and for those of you that don't your about to see one. What a wonderful woman of God, testifying to His greatness even in the midst of tragedy. We'll continue to pray for him and his family, most especially for his new wife. It really brings the vows "in sickness and in health" to life.

Being Open to Life

I was recently reflecting about the "openness to life" that our faith calls married couples to.  I realize that this can be a hot topic for many faithful Catholics regarding when/why using Natural Family Planning is morally acceptable. Nevertheless, this debate is not my focus.  Instead I found myself reflecting on the annunciation.

These days it seems as though there are many more "reasons" NOT to have children than ever.  For example, society says that simply being a "newlywed" qualifies couples to refrain from openness to life.  For some newlyweds the adjustment to marriage may constitute a serious reason to postpone children, but this (and other grave factors) are not what I am referring to.  Isn't it odd that babies who arrive 9 months after a honeymoon are suprising (and few) nowadays?  Society tells us to take two, five, ten years to get to know each other, buy a home, travel ect... and then we can start thinking about "trying".  Perhaps it is not the children who should be postponed, but rather the wedding date!

When we examine Mary's situation from our own cultural perspective, we realize that she had every reason not to be open to life.  She was barely a teenager, very poor and unmarried.   If you consider the world she lived in, these reasons could constitute even more graveness than they would today.  There was no Medicaid, no crisis pregnancy centers or shelters, and adultery could be punished by death.  Despite this however, Mary said YES to life.  It is through her YES, her fiat, that Jesus our salvation, came into the world.  Moreover, it might be also be fair to point out that God only asked Mary to be receptive to a child once in her life.  God's will for the Holy Family was to always remain a home of three.  This is also a reminder for us as Catholics, that a marriage that is open-to-life will not always fill a twelve-passenger van.

There are many wonderful Church documents such as Humanae Vitae and the Catechism of the Church that can help us understand the Church's teaching on Christian marriages.  Ultimately, husbands and wives must always pray to follow Mary's example of "thy will be done".  Only He knows what is best for our marriages and families.  It is by following God's will that we can work to build a culture of life... and what is more beautiful than that?

Comida Para Alma=Food for the Soul

While in marriage preparation, I was encouraged by the priest who was celebrating our marriage to take up a hobby. His suggestion, being the one who tills the soil at St. Michael's abbey, was gardening, because it was something that is not only hard work, exercise, but also can beautify the home and bear fruit (literally). Not until I started gardening did I fully understand this. There's something about pulling weeds that is such good penance, I often feel that with each weed I pull, it's like pulling the weeds from my own soul. Since then, it's been a goal of mine, to learn to garden, specifically building a vegetable garden in our yard. So we finally did it!I wanted to show how for anyone interested in creating something like this:

We opted for a raised garden, which is easier than digging up tons of dirt and replacing with the filler.

Fortunately, my husband and father-in-law are quite handy, so they constructed the frame of weather-treated wood, 12" high and 3 feet wide is the important sizing info.

I layed down some organic, biodegradable weed blocking mats on the bottom.

Then came the natural liner, which will break down to produce some good natural compost. We used a nice collection of leaves and branches from our yard.

Next, a whole lot of good ol' smelly maneur! Mina was watching saying, "Stinky."

A final thick layer of compost to top it off...

And voila!

Can't wait to reep the fruits of our labor, and eat them!

For the Father of my Children...

In honor of my husband, the father of my children, I wanted to take a blog to appreciate all the little things he does, that makes him such a support to me, and an amazing dad to our daughter.

He is consistently striving to lead us closer to Christ by developing his own faith formation so that he can share it with us. He is a strong man who will stand up to defend the faith and his family. He works so hard to support us and simultaneously attempt to share the gospel with the world. When he travels, he’ll take red-eye flights just to avoid traveling for an extra day. If he can make it home to spend time with us before an unexpected evening working, he’ll make the drive back home to see us. On top of that, he's Mr. Fix-it or build-it around the house.

Along with being a hard worker, he is such an amazing support to me by being such an active father. He wakes up with Mina on a regular basis to spend time with her and give me an extra half hour of sleep or a head start on chores before he leaves for work. He takes Mina on little outings like swimming at his parents’ house to give me some R&R and bond with her. He participates in her bedtime routine by reading her stories and singing Disney princess songs with her in Spanish (yes, he knows all the words, hehe). When Mina was young, he’d get up and change her diapers in the middle of the night and volunteered to handle the output while I handled input. He’s into reading parenting books to figure out how to help us raise, happy, healthy, holy children. He LOVES our daughter and showers her with affection and attention. I have no doubt that he will do the same for our son, though in a particular father-son bond.

Thank you to my husband, and to all strong Catholic fathers out there. You are a rare breed and we moms could not do it without you.

And a special thank you to all of our spiritual Fathers who unite us as brothers and sisters in Christ under Holy Mother Church and bring us the sacraments each day.

Happy Father’s Day!

The Best and Worst Time

The Best and Worst Time article I wrote for IIbloom is up!

Here is the direct link!

http://www.iibloom.com/?/bloom/article/a-real-life-story-best-and-worst-time/

Love, HONOR, and obey

Whenever I go to playdates with our secular playgroup, many of the women spend their time complaining, complaining, and complaining about their husbands. We women seem to like to gossip and talk about other people in general and most of the time it is good and uplifts the person we're talking about.

I went to a wedding in 2004 and in the homily the priest said that when a woman complains about her husband to friends or tells his faults and shortcomings to the world she is breaking the vow she took of honoring her husband. Powerful stuff.

We really need to try and only speak kind words about others, especially if we're one flesh with them :).

You're TOO Young...

You're too young... It seems to be a phrase that is used very often around me. 

Normally, the conversation includes something like this:

Other person: "Wow, you look so young to have/be...., How old are you?"

Me: "I'm 20."

Other: "Wow, you're soooo young... "

With turning 21 at the end of this month, I have been thinking about everything that I have done in my life thus far, and looking forward to life a head of me. 

A lot of people seem shocked at my age. Over and over and over. It seems to be a continuos cycle. I often get asked about why I decided to get married so young or why I'm not "trying to enjoy my college life more". I have always been stunned by this. 

Throughout my life, I have often been told by people who are older than I am that I am very mature for my age, which is probably from my family's situation. So, I find it very interesting when people that I am meeting now, who do not know my history or family, always ask me if I think I'm too young. I always answer with "Not everyone is called to marriage this young, but I am sure I made the right choice." As coworkers, and others, continue to ask questions about why, my family's story start to emerge. I truly think that God has called me to be an example to others of how to live a happy and fulfilling life. Many people ask me why I am "throwing my life away" by getting married and that I'll miss out on having fun.  I find my life fun, full of responsibility, but fun. And I wouldn't change my decision to get married young, even though it means making a lot of sacrifices at some points. 

I have found one Bible verse in particular to be my motto in life:

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life." ~~~~   1 Timothy 4:12

I try to live my life so that I can be an example. God has graced me with a family that makes it very easy for my decisions to be visible. Through the examples of my parents, I strive to live my life in a way that I can point people to God. I find it important to leave my life in God's hands because every time I have left my life in God's hands and have tried to align my will to His will, He has planned something more wonderful than I could have imagined, even though there are many parts of His plan that I do not fully understand nor do I know the full effects of the result of be putting my life in His hands. 

The results of following God's plan, even if it means sacrifice at the time or being uncomfortable, will be far more rewarding than any form of instant gratification or "fun" that I may have encountered by following my own frivolous desires. 

Many people are shocked by everything  I have done in my life, and I think that is because God shocks people with His will. I hope to be able to continue to life my life following His plan so that I will be able to bring more people to understanding true love and responsibility; how they go hand in hand and how they are not a hinderance to a happy and fulfilling life.

Today's Society Longs For More Mr. Darcys

I love Pride and Prejudice and I know many other women who agree with my sentiment. I love the way the men treat the women. Men in Jane Austen's world refer to the women as Miss or Mrs. Men would bow upon entering or leaving a woman's presence and in return the ladies would curtsy. The way they flirted was subtle and might be as simple as the brush of hands. There was a clear distinction between "good" women and women who were, well, less dignified, to put it kindly. The way couples courted was taken seriously so as to protect the woman's fragile heart. Men would have to ask a woman's father's permission in order to even court her. Men faced personal and social consequences if they mislead a woman, which at times even included the man having to move away. Taking a man's name was a sign of his total and complete commitment to a woman. Respectable men would not dare think to kiss a woman until he knew he was going to marry her, including having received her fathers blessing. I love the last scene of the movie when Elizabeth asked Mr. Darcy what he will call her once they are married and he answers her by saying "Mrs. Darcy" over and over again while gently kissing her face.

So why have women so dearly loved this book for almost 200 years now? I think it is because we all long to go back to those days. Women long to be treated with the respect and honor the men in Austin's novel are treated with. Today women are called all sorts of degrading names and not only do men not bow to us but often time don't even open a door for us to go through. Today dating is very casual and men have lost a sense of the delicate nature of the female heart. Men will even lie to a woman to lead her heart in order to obtain from her something men of that time would have known no good girl would even consider. Women today don't seek their father's permission to date. Often times this is because many women do not have a trusting relationship with their father. And most frustrating of all to me is that we live in a time where women after getting married use the dreaded hyphen because they do not want to give up their last name.

Now, this blog in not meant to berate men. I fully blame feminism for men's behavior but women, if we want our Mr. Darcy, and if we want to go back to a day where we were treated with the dignity God designed for us it is up to us to change things. We need to start acting like woman of that time. We need to wear dresses, let men pick up heavy boxes, refuse to kiss on a first or even third date, and allow men the pleasure of chasing after us trying to prove that they are worthy of giving us their name. Fulton Sheen got it right when he said the following, "To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women."

Unless you live in a bubble, it is likely that you have heard of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 buzz in the media. In the past few weeks, tabloids, magazines and entertainment news shows have been focusing on the couple's struggling marriage. And from the looks of it, Jon and Kate are riding this media wave despite the effects that it has on their family; the show's ratings are higher than ever.

I've been a fan of the show since its beginnings. Like many, I've enjoyed watching the adorable Gosselin children interact, and have been fascinated by the methods Kate uses to run her large household. For most of us longtime fans however, we started noticing changes long before the affair accusations began. In the past few years the Gosselin family home has become a platform for endorsements and product placement, and it has become difficult to ignore Kate's physical "transformation". Even more, in most recent episodes it became clear that Jon and Kate's playful banter during their on-screen interviews was becoming less playful, and much more bitter. I remember feeling a little sad after watching certain episodes, because Jon and Kate seemed so unhappy.

My dilemna is as follows: I have yet to watch this season's premiere. I have seen a few heartbreaking clips from the episode, and I am struggling to decide whether watching a couple's marriage fall apart is an appropriate form of entertainment. Of course with all of the drama surrounding the family, the temptation to watch is stronger than ever. At the same time, I can't help but to be angry at Jon and Kate for continuing to film, despite their broken marriage. They are clearly not putting their children's needs above the show!

Do you think that a boycott of the reality show is needed? It is unlikely that my personal decision not to watch will make a difference to TLC producers, but will it make a difference in my own life?

Where's your Daddy?

The media coverage of the recent birth of the California octuplets has brought several thoughts to my mind. Over the past weeks, reporters have dished out many intriguing facts about the family--an unemployed single mother, already has 6 children, and underwent in vitro fertilization.

I am glad that as a result of this event, the moral implications of in vitro are being discussed-- specifically the availability of the treatment. Although it is beautiful that this mother decided against "fetal reduction" (and carried all 8 babies), there is more than one issue involved. The Catholic Church teaches us that in vitro fertilization is a gravely immoral act, due to the fact that is separates the marriage act and the conception of a human life. During in vitro, the man has to masturbate in order to give his sperm, and the woman is given hormones to stimulate her ovaries. From there, the embryo is conceived, life is originated in a petri dish, and later implanted into a woman's uterus. In some cases, embryos will even live in the petri dish for several days, in order for the doctors to "weed out" the weaker persons. Because the Church clearly teaches that life begins at conception, this becomes a very serious subject.

More significantly, however, I have noticed that despite the constant attacks towards the octuplet's mother, I have heard very little reaction to the fact that these 14 children have been brought into the world to be raised without a father. In a way, this woman's decision to bear children is the flip side of the pro-choice mentality: It's my body and I can do what I want with it. In her case, she felt that she deserved a "right" to motherhood. But the question still prevails... What about daddy?

Fatherhood IS a part of creation established in the order of nature, and it should never be separated from it. God Himself, in His greatness, even reveals himself as a Father to us. I do not think that we can even wrap our minds around the dignity that this brings to all earthly fathers! I have never heard of any research that does not support a child's need for both a mother AND a father. In his encyclical titled Familiaris Consortio, John Paul the Great tells us that "when they become parents, spouses receive from God the gift of a new responsibility. Their parental love is called to become to children the visible sign of the very love of God 'from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named' (Ephesians 3:14-15). Unfortunately, our culture already tends to greatly undervalue fatherhood. Most examples of dads in the media are flat-out idiots (just turn on the Simpsons, Family Guy, and almost any sitcom).

I could go on, but my true purpose for this post is to simply announce that the issue that disturbs me the MOST about the octuplet's situation (other than the fact that in vitro is morally wrong), is the fact that there is no father is present. Let's pray for this family, that the octuplets and their siblings come to find strong men in their lives to lead them. Let's pray for all the men who embrace their vocation to fatherhood that they continue to be examples of our Heavenly Father in heaven. Let's also pray for the sanctity of marriage and life.

A Case for Young Marriage

There is no doubt that people in this society are opposed to marrying young. I cannot tell you how many people have given me questioning, or even pitiful looks when they find out that I am 23 years old and already married. As crazy as this sounds, sometimes when I want to be perceived as older than I am, I carefully flash my lefthand ring during a conversation. This came in especially handy when Michael and I went car shopping, and the dealer (noticing us arguing a little) made a comment about how fun SIBLING rivalry can be!!! The bottom line is, marriage before late-twenties is not expected, nor is it socially accepted in our culture.

Many responses to this article http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/blog/on_marrying_young#When:01:30:02Z which favors young marriages, argued that not everyone has to be married young. Of course this is true; a marriage’s holiness is in no way based on age, and there are endless valid reasons for getting married later in life. What is important in this subject matter is that young people, especially those in relationships, need to constantly discern the possibility of marriage. Instead of cohabitating, or floating from relationship to relationship until a young person feels “ready”, marriage should always be the end goal for couples. I have no doubt that many people in their late-teens and possibly in their early twenties may not be ready for marriage or may not have met a suitable partner, and in these case, they should abstain and postpone entering relationships altogether. If a couple is mature enough to enter into a courtship, they should be mature enough to marry.

For those of you who know me, it is clear that I did not even follow my own advice. I entered a relationship at 18, and despite being committed, I did not anticipate wedding bells for several more years. When Brodle was finally old enough to support himself financially, we still met much opposition for being too young. A long engagement until I finished college became a very painful experience, but everyone agreed that this was the “smart” thing to do. Obviously, we were finally married at 22 and 26, making every ounce of patience worth it.

Marriage and parenthood at a young age is no doubt difficult, mostly due to financial strains and a lack of supportive communities. Young marriage however, also has many advantages, as couples grow and mature together during “moldable” years of life, and have more energy to raise little ones. Either way, marriage should not be socially discouraged (it should be encouraged!), and a real, discerned vocation (to marriage or religious life) should never be postponed… Only by aligning our will to God’s will we find His peace!