Stand By Your Man

We recently had a blog about the crisis in our culture today with real men being a rarity. I find this incredibly true, but am blessed to have a found one of those rare ones who is my protector, my prince, and our family's provider. However, I find myself, on a weekly, if not daily basis, fighting the urge towards my man from Genesis, to not be a nag. I find it incredibly difficult at times to be a supportive wife, and to always appreciate his sacrifice for our family.

My husband doesn't have a 9-5 job. He travels frequently, unexpectedly, may work weekends, evenings, and then there are days where he may leave the house at 10am and be home at 4pm. I knew this was how it was when I married him. Two weeks before our wedding he was in 17 different cities in 19 days. Yes, his job is slightly insane, but enough about that.

The bottom line is, I should not be complaining! I am able to be a mother to my children. I am the one that is there for the 1st words, 1st steps, to put a band aid on that 1st big boo boo. I may be exhausted at the end of the day, but how much more would I be if I had to go to work first and then scrape the bottom of my barrel of energy to try to give to my husband & children. I am confident that my husband would do whatever he had to, if it meant night shifts and picking up garbage to keep me at home, raising our children. Before I call him in the evenings, asking when he'll be home for dinner, if he'll be home, I need to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that I was able to cook a nutritious meal for our family with what my husband has provided for us.

We women who have found these rare, real men, who follow Our Father's command "to till the earth," need to recognize the gift our Lord has given us. We need to thank our husbands daily for their work, and support them in every way possible. I am writing this not just to remind anyone reading, but mostly because I need to remind myself. These men need us to be taking care of their children, keeping house, and giving them a joyful, warm place to retreat to because that will empower them all the more to go out and work the next day, and make them rush out the door to come home to us as soon as their job is done. Call me old fashioned, I am, but I think appreciating these manly men is one step to making men out of our boys.

Anyone have any tips on how to thank/appreciate one's husband and the work he does for the family? (I will also add that my husband served in the navy for a year and he attributes that training to the development of self-discipline in his life)

N is for... Nuns!

Ah, Nuns. Brides of Christ. The image of Heaven on Earth, since that is what we will all be in Heaven. What is it about these consecrated women, with only their faces showing, that makes them so beautiful?

My take on it, is that they most perfectly embody femininity at its core (closest to Mary). God designed women, to be receptive. Our bodies are designed this way, and this is a representation of our soul, and therefore, the role we are meant to play in this world. They keep themselves veiled, as perpetual brides of our Lord. They give their lives entirely to be the Lord's handmaids. They lay themselves prostrate and consecrate themselves 100% to Him. They then live, whether they are cloistered or not, detached from the world, and always with their eyes on the infinite.

Nuns exude joy. When one walks into a room, it tends to bring an air of peace, yet also, suddenly everyone stands a little straighter, speaks a little kinder, smiles more. It's not just the stigma of the threat of rulers. They inspire goodness simply because their very appearance lets you know that they are different. It is evident that they are not of this world, and there is s reverence due for that. Even Oprah re-aired her episode with the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist yesterday.

Nuns are a gift to us, as lay women, because we can look to them as models of how to live out our femininity more perfectly. Maybe we don't wear a habit, but do people know what we stand for by the way we carry ourselves? Do we radiate the love and joy of Christ? Are we making enough time for prayer so that we act and react in a peaceful manner?

Thank you Brides of Christ for your sacrifice, for your beautiful example of feminine holiness.

H is for...Heart of the Home

"A wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish will pull down with her hands that also which is built."- Proverbs 14:1

As women, particularly those of us who are married and stay-at-home moms, we probably find that much of our daily duties are those within the home. Our phones and purses may be filled with grocery lists, recipes, chores to be completed, and our laundry baskets and sinks beckon us in the evenings or at nap time. While it may sound mundane, personally, I can think of no better way to spend my days, than by caring for my children, my family, and creating and maintaining our home.

Our Lord consistently described the "good wife" in scripture as one tending to her household with diligence, and with genuine care (Proverbs 31). While feminists may focus on the woman's roles outside the home, our Lord tells us that true femininity is strengthened and best expressed, when a wife and mother focuses inside the home. My role as a wife and mother, is to be the heart of the home, while my husband is the head.

I could focus on the chores that usually make up my day, but that's really not what makes me the heart of the home. Whenever I become overwhelmed with the number of things on my to-do lists, my husband is quick to remind me that while he loves my cooking, and appreciates his clothes being magically returned to his closet cleaned and organized, he prefers take out and a house in disarray if it means coming home to a joyful, warm wife. We can have the cleanest house, with the best food around, but if there's no joy, who wants to be there?

My husband grew up in a Colombian household, where there is a saying that there is never too little food for an extra person, and that anything can be turned into a bed. I grew up in a traditional American home, but ours happened to be the house where everyone came to play because my mom always had the best snacks and didn't mind having a bunch of kids in her backyard or huddled around the tv playing nintendo. One of our goals is to create a home where our friends and loved ones always feel welcome. It's been a great source of growth for me to host and serve guests, not just with dinners, but by providing a place to sleep families and friends. We might only have air mattresses and couches, but we've managed to host a Catholic band of 4 young adults for a week pretty comfortably.

Given the Colombian culture of my husband, and that you never know when we might have an extra person for dinner, I've learned to cook enough food for at least one extra person. It'll either get sent home with my in-laws who frequently pass by in the evenings, eaten for lunch the next day, or frozen for a quick-fix meal later on. Cooking for 4 is hardly more expensive than cooking for 2 + a toddler, and if it means that I can serve better and more joyfully, then it's worth it, even if the leftovers just go the dog. It is my husband, serving as the head of the household, who sees very clearly the virtue of charity in this, who's led me to this place.

The key to all this, is doing it with love. It is essential to include prayer in our day, to keep us centered on the subject of all that we do. Cooking, cleaning, catering to the needs of others strengthens us as women because these are acts of charity. Opening our home to others has allowed us to feed not only bellies, but souls. Relationships grow and when friends are in need, they know where they are going to be welcomed and loved, and it's allowed us to minister at those times. It is the same with my husband and children. When my husband knows that he's coming home to a home with a wife and child who are ready to greet him with hugs, kisses, smiles, and stories of daily happenings, it drives him all the more to work hard to get through his day quickly and efficiently. This is why the "wise woman buildeth her house," knowing that it will benefit everyone around her, which will bring the most grace and joy to her.

If our vocation is to be a wife and mother, let us make this our priority, and not be the fool who tears down what she builds with her own hands. If we aren't making sure that our actions are rooted in love, we may find ourselves cranky, balls of stress that bulldoze the towers of laundry we fold and give a bitter taste to the food we cook.

G is for Graceful

One of my favorite feminine adjectives has to be the word graceful.  We use it all the time in dance to describe fluid, light-footed, elegant movement.  Similarly, we use it to illustrate a quality or style about some persons we know-- usually women.  In a quick Google-search of the term, I discovered the definition of graceful to be "characterized by beauty of movement, form, style or execution".

 Of course, grace is also a common word in our faith.  Mary was described as "full of grace" during the angelic salutation.  We are told that we should be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion.  We receive Jesus's graces through all of the sacraments.  I could go on, but instead I decided to do a quick refresher study on what grace is exactly in Christianity.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that "Grace is favor, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God, adoptive sons, partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life" CCC 1996.  Grace is a "gift from the Spirit who justifies and sanctifies us" CCC 2003.  There is sanctifying grace, which we receive at baptism and stays with us in our soul, enabling us to receive God and live with Him.  There are also actual grace, or favors, given to us by God to help us live our lives and attain sanctification.  Sacramental graces and special graces can be examples of ways that God enables us to collaborate in our salvation and that of those around us. 

I cannot help but wonder where the historic connection developed between these two similar words.  And why is it, that although grace is equivalently relevant to both men and women in a religious sense, graceful almost is exclusively used to positively describe women.  Could it be that in being feminine, or graceful, we most closely resemble she who was "full of grace"? 

Perhaps I need to spend some time in prayer over this matter, but I would also love to hear if any of you have any thoughts about this.  Why is a woman's feminine quality described as graceful? Does it have any relationship to being grace-filled?

F is for Femininity

There are so many meanings to femininity - I'm hoping a couple of the other girls chime in on this because as I've been thinking about what to write about and I've come up with about 10,000 ideas. (Or, at least more than 5 anyway...)

1) Do I write about my husband's current favorite bible quote: "Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in battle array? " - Song of Solomon 6:10

It's traditionally thought to refer to Mother Mary, and I love it as a broader description of femininity.

2) Do I talk about what wikipedia has down as the "cultural norms" of femininity: Cleavage, Corsets, Foot binding, High heels, Modest dress (specifically Muslim female dress), and Neck rings. (I looked that last one up.) Turns out that in some African and Asian cultures long necks are considered pretty, so they put all these rings around them to make them look longer. Anyway, *what* a list!

3) Do I talk about what Paul VI said in one of his Discourses: "...it is evident that women are meant to form part of the living and working structure of Christianity in so prominent a manner that perhaps not all their potentialities have yet been made clear." And NO, this does not mean that one day women will be priests, that is a male potentiality. A woman's goal in life should not be to try (and fail miserably) to take on as much masculine duties and characteristics as possible. But maybe some future female will explain to the Church how all people can fulfill their calling to true contemplation of God. Maybe women will come to a deeper understanding of why they tend to be "naturally religious" and this realization will change society's whole vision of religion. It could be anything. Who knows?

4) OR I could raddle on about John Paul II's phrase in On the Dignity and Vocation of Women (of which I've only read a tiny bit) "To serve means to reign." He talks about how Mary after giving her fiat at the Annunciation, immediately defines her new relationship "I am the handmaid of the Lord" (Lk 1:38). -- by the way -- I also love that she feels the need to define her relationship. I mean, isn't that always what we girls want to do when we get into a new relationship? Are we just friends? Are we in love? Are we not, but will be? What's the deal?! John Paul II says that Mary by saying this "takes her place with Christ's messianic service." And in Christ's Kingdom, there is a "royal dignity of service;" Christ continually says that He has come to serve. Mary realizes this, and when she is told that she has been chosen to be the Mother of God, immediately sees that she will reign as queen. BUT her reigning will consist of serving. So when she says "I am the handmaid of the Lord," she is also saying that she will be queen.

And do you think that Disney came up with the idea that all girls are princesses? I think not. Since Mary is in many ways the culmination of true femininity, her virtues show us our own feminine virtues God has implanted in us. So when a little girl "randomly" dresses up in a gown and declares herself queen or princess, she is really expressing what Mary expressed at the Annunciation: I am made to reign (but reign by serving).

I should probably stop here since I'm not sure that that last one was all too clear... and since the next idea had to do with Free Will, and our will's submissiveness, and our feminine calling to be submissive to our husband's and ultimately Christ... (and you can land in heresy REALLY easily when talking about Free Will) I should probably just leave off here until I think about it a little more.

A Surprising Change

While getting dressed yesterday, I had an unexpected experience. I was going to be out all day and wanted to throw a pair of jeans in the car in case it got chilly in the evening. I hadn't worn my maternity jeans for a month, so I figured I'd try them on first to see which ones fit most comfortably. Turns out, none of them did.

Apparently, in the last month, my legs and backside have expanded with this pregnancy, especially since I had to stop exercising and rest for the last month. It could be that I was also very sensitive to the tightness of pants in general after wearing flowy dresses and skirts for 31 days straight, but these were just not comfortable, nor were they flattering.

While staring at myself in the mirror, stunned at how tight one pair was, I found myself feeling worse and worse about the changes in my body, which is no good! I am someone who LOVES being pregnant. I LOVE IT. While the belly gets a little uncomfortable towards the end, and sure the extra weight makes getting around a little tougher, I find the joy of holding this little life inside my body so outweighs the small sacrifices. However, I was struggling the other day with accepting the extra weight I'd put on. The crazy part is, I had none of these negative thoughts during the month of May.

Not only am I now finding skirts/dresses to be more feminine, but also more flattering, more comfortable, and encouraging of a positive body image.

Day Ones

So today is "day one" of a couple things for me. First, we can wear pants again! I was actually a little excited only because I'd been wearing the same outfits for a month and missed my shirts that go only with jeans. So I got dressed, got the kiddos ready and went to the store. By the time I got back from shopping I was done with the capris I had picked out to wear. I kept having to pull them up and I realized I didn't have to do that in a skirt. I was very surprised at my realization that I liked wearing skirts/dresses more than pants. Not only did I not feel more feminine in my capris, but I probably looked ridiculous pulling up them up every 20 seconds.

My second "day one" adventure was driving a new car. Okay, not just a car, a 12-passenger van to be exact. With our third baby coming in 2 months and our desire to have a large family, my husband and I decided it would be best to get a large van instead of a mini-van. So yesterday we got it. Let me tell you all it is very intimidating to drive. I remember when voicing my concerns about driving a big van my mother-in-law (who has driven one for over 18 years) said "People definitely get out of your way" and they really do. I have only driven the van twice and I feel that people do watch out for you, maybe not consciously but they do. Driving this van is just another challenge I will have to face with God by my side saying "you can do it". There are lots of positives to having a big van. First, the kids love being up high and are able to see everything around them. Second, there is SO much space. I was used to cramming everything I could into my tiny Civic (which I actually got pretty good at) and now I feel I have all the extra space in the world! Third, we now have a cd player that works right (my civic didn't come with a cd player so I bought a cheap one). Finally, automatic windows and doors (another feature I've been without for 7 1/2 years). All in all this is very exciting and new.

Better later than never

So - a couple days till the end of the Dress Dare, and I'm finally getting into the skirt groove. I think it took me a month just to figure out what to wear for everyday stuff.. and now that I've got that figured out, I think I'll be wearing skirts (if not everyday) definitely more in the coming months.

Living up in the good old North-West (high of 56 degrees today) I've also figured out that socks and shoes really do make a difference in keeping warm. In summer I'm sure I'll be flip-flopping everyday, but for now little sneakers and super cute rain boots (with wool socks) do the trick!

I am still violently against socks and sandals. Not warm, not cozy (although some people say they are, they are mistaken), and they look crazy. I've been writing to Rome to get an official Heresy named for this, but so far no response (they must be really busy).

Cute skirt story (if anyone is compiling a list): I took my daughter to the park a couple days ago and we were both wearing skirts (Clair has been wearing pants and dresses a lot this month, not because she's doing the dress dare, but I for some reason always dress us alike), and this little girl with her dad walk by and she says "Look! They're both wearing skirts!" The dad says something to the effect of "I know you wanted to, maybe next time." (To the dad's defense, it was a rather rainy day - we might have been the only two girls in skirts in our area.)

But - I think it was a cute reminder (ok - maybe the cute part was how cute this little girl was) that others see what we wear and want to imitate us.

Nightgowns

I have to say I am loving this month of dresses and skirts. As I have mentioned before, I have been wearing mostly skirts and dresses for a while now. Until this month though I did often wear jeans on the weekends. Since not wearing any pants at all I find that I never want to take my dresses off. I used to love getting in my PJ's at night and would often have them on before the sun went down. Now I wait until the last minute to change because I love my dresses. I feel so feminine and pretty. So I decided to go one more these last 10 days of the dare and wear nightgowns to bed. Now I get to feel girly even when I sleep. When I was a little girl I always loved Wendy in Peter Pan because she wears that beautiful nightgown through the whole movie. I am interested to see how I feel putting on jeans again after this month. Who knows maybe the dare will extend further for me.

Dare to Veil?

Congrats ladies! We are almost halfway through our dress dare!

I don't know about all of you, but this challenge has compelled me to really think about femininity in every facet of my life, but more particularly, in my appearance. One aspect of this, is the donning of the chapel veil, or mantilla, in the presence of the Eucharist, or Christ in the tabernacle. I've thought mantillas to be a beautiful sign of reverence for Christ for several years now, but haven't necessarily worn it on a regular basis to mass, except when attending Tridentine or Novus Ordo mass. While it wouldn't be an issue in my home parish (we're so blessed to be near a Carmelite parish with orthodox priests and parishoners), I have at times felt compelled to put on my chapel veil while away from home, and encountered dirty looks and complaints from fellow Catholics, mostly women.

Personally, I find the veil to be a gift we've been given to distinguish ourselves, as women, from the men, in worship. It is not something that degrades us, but rather, guards us, and shows our value. They are frequently made of pretty, delicate lace, and is simply another way we can adorn ourselves in reverence for the Lord. The tradition of the chapel veil is an immemorial custom of the Catholic Church. As of 1917, this tradition was enforced by the Code of Canon Law. It has not been mentioned in the code since, but the custom became less and less popular probably not coincidentally, with the rise of feminism in the 1960s.

Since this dare, I am feeling compelled to veil my head in the presence of the Eucharist on a more regular basis. I am appreciating the feminine dress, and as I was veiled on my wedding day, it does remind me of how I dressed for my husband and the Lord on that sacramental occasion.

I thought this quote on the veil, from St. John Chrysostom, was particularly beautiful: "Woman, because she was created by being drawn from man’s side, is constantly trying to return to him. She desires the original unity of one flesh and one bone. The desire for unity between man and woman is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the soul. As woman longs for union with man in human relationships, she is also drawn to unity with God. He calls her to become one with Him: to come under His side and become flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. This occurs during reception of Eucharist. The covering of the head with a veil symbolizes the reality of woman sheltered in the side of her Source and becoming one with Him. She becomes covered and hidden in her Divine Spouse."

If anyone is interested in exploring this topic more, here are a few other blogs I found informative:

Walking with God...

The Catholic Knight

and a friend recently recommended the book, The Chapel Veil: Symbol of the Spouse of Christ, by Elizabeth Black & Emily Griswold, though I have not read it yet.

Anyone else feeling inspired to express their femininity more in other ways?

Today's Society Longs For More Mr. Darcys

I love Pride and Prejudice and I know many other women who agree with my sentiment. I love the way the men treat the women. Men in Jane Austen's world refer to the women as Miss or Mrs. Men would bow upon entering or leaving a woman's presence and in return the ladies would curtsy. The way they flirted was subtle and might be as simple as the brush of hands. There was a clear distinction between "good" women and women who were, well, less dignified, to put it kindly. The way couples courted was taken seriously so as to protect the woman's fragile heart. Men would have to ask a woman's father's permission in order to even court her. Men faced personal and social consequences if they mislead a woman, which at times even included the man having to move away. Taking a man's name was a sign of his total and complete commitment to a woman. Respectable men would not dare think to kiss a woman until he knew he was going to marry her, including having received her fathers blessing. I love the last scene of the movie when Elizabeth asked Mr. Darcy what he will call her once they are married and he answers her by saying "Mrs. Darcy" over and over again while gently kissing her face.

So why have women so dearly loved this book for almost 200 years now? I think it is because we all long to go back to those days. Women long to be treated with the respect and honor the men in Austin's novel are treated with. Today women are called all sorts of degrading names and not only do men not bow to us but often time don't even open a door for us to go through. Today dating is very casual and men have lost a sense of the delicate nature of the female heart. Men will even lie to a woman to lead her heart in order to obtain from her something men of that time would have known no good girl would even consider. Women today don't seek their father's permission to date. Often times this is because many women do not have a trusting relationship with their father. And most frustrating of all to me is that we live in a time where women after getting married use the dreaded hyphen because they do not want to give up their last name.

Now, this blog in not meant to berate men. I fully blame feminism for men's behavior but women, if we want our Mr. Darcy, and if we want to go back to a day where we were treated with the dignity God designed for us it is up to us to change things. We need to start acting like woman of that time. We need to wear dresses, let men pick up heavy boxes, refuse to kiss on a first or even third date, and allow men the pleasure of chasing after us trying to prove that they are worthy of giving us their name. Fulton Sheen got it right when he said the following, "To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women."

What this Dress Dare means to me

I've always been "one of the guys." I wear jeans and a goofy shirt every day. Seriously, every day. I just don't know how to dress myself well. If it weren't for Chantal's husband telling me "no" every time I unsuccessfully tried to layer shirts I wouldn't even know how to do that. Even my hubby has to remind me not to wear a blue top with blue jeans and occasionally just gives my outfit a weird look because I didn't get it quite right.

So I decided to use this dare not only to wear skirts, but to learn how to dress more femininly. Hubby even suggested I go shopping! And believe me, I did. :) Turns out I actually enjoy wearing skirts and feeling more girly.

Matt has even complimented me on my outfits the last 5 days in a row. That has NEVER happened. And it does make him happy that I'm wearing skirts so that makes me happy too. However, I don't think our 1 year old understands (or even notices) that she's been wearing skirts the past few days. I have to admit, I have had some trouble with the skirt while bending down to check on the baby, or playing at playdates, but the problem is really that I'm not used to having to keep my legs closed all the time (I can just hear my dad reminding me for the billionth time). It's good practice!

I'm really hoping that after this month I will continue to wear dresses (when I' not nursing) and skirts more, especially during the warmer months. No more worrying about finding decent shorts for me!

Keep up the awesome work ladies! (sorry for the dated picture...there are no photos of me in a skirt. Or of me at all recently.)

A Week Observed

Congratulations fellow dress-ers! We have made it one week in our feminine apparel. I thought I would take this blog to share my observations of how this has impacted me so far.

Since wearing skirts and dresses, the most obvious difference is how I move. When I walk, my skirt flows around me, making my walk slightly more delicate, and I feel more graceful. When I sit on the floor with my daughter, rather than sitting with my legs open, I generally sit with legs together, bent over to one side, and my skirt/dress lays on the floor, surrounding me with fabric to place over my legs. It makes me feel, well, more like a princess, more like a lady.

This is one reason why, I think, my daughter, though not even 2, prefers dresses and skirts. In the last week, I have included her in the dress dare, and I must say, getting dressed in the mornings is soooo much easier! She is so young, and yet, 99% of the time, when given the option of pants or a dress, she will choose the dress. When she puts it on, she will generally immediately grab the skirt, do a twirl, and ask for music to dance. This made me reflect more on how these articles of clothing differentiate us from men.

I noticed a few things. One, when going to a restroom, if one can't read the letters on the door, how do you know which restroom to go in? Well, the little stick figure for a woman, is clearly wearing a skirt! Second, it's prom season, and no teenage girl goes shopping for a prom tuxedo. She goes looking for a prom dress! Very few women walk down the aisle on their wedding day without a white dress cascading below them.

So I'll admit it, I feel prettier in a skirt/dress. This week, I never wondered if I was dressed appropriately for where I was going, because I looked, if anything, more presentable than normal. A few weeks ago, I was going to daily mass and afterwards, to the park for a picnic and playtime with Mina, and I felt so irreverent approaching Christ, truly present in the Eucharist in my jean bermuda shorts. This week, I had no such issues. Every day, I was prepared to attend mass, outwardly showing reverence for the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ Himself. Of course I still believed in the true presence when in my shorts, but was a demonstrating this in the way I dressed? If I dress up for Sunday mass, shouldn't I do the same at daily mass? Christ is no less present on a weekday.

So those are just some of my thoughts from this last week. Have any of you noticed any differences or become more aware of anything in your first week?

P.S. Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, and to Our Mother Mary!

The Imitation of Mary

As many have mentioned in previous posts the Blessed Virgin is our perfect example of femininity as well as motherhood for some of us. May is also the month of Mary so I was thinking we could read a Marian book, such as The Imitation of Mary or The World's First Love, along with wearing our beautiful dresses and skirts. The Imitation of Mary would be easiest for us moms because they are short, but beautiful, meditations with prays at the end about how to imitate Our Lady in our daily lives. I will say thanks to Occultus Matris (how did you get this nickname?) for giving me the idea with her meditation and prayer post yesterday.

The picture to the right is called Innocence and is one of my favorite Marian pictures. Doesn't she look so beautiful and Jesus and the Lamb look so peaceful in her arms? Just thought I would comment on my own post about the picture.

It is now day 4 of the Dress Dare and I am proud to say I am 4 for 4. I must say that wearing skirts really is comfortable. I really do feel more feminine in skirts/dresses. My sister has taken the dare and said she might start wearing skirts/dresses everyday!

Dress Dare Supplies

Have you noticed that the dress and skirt hemlines are much shorter this season?  I have been having trouble finding attractive skirts to suit my active lifestyle and appreciation for fashion.

I recently came across Vintage Hem, a website that sells cute modern-day petticoats.  I am considering adding one of these to my wardrobe!  This seems like an adorable and fashionable solution to help make trendy skirts more feminine and modest.  I bet they would be great for pregnancy too, when your hemline in front starts elevating inches above the back.

Do you have any favorite feminine and modest fashion finds??

I wear the skirt

in my marriage, in my family. And this is not a bad thing.

I am a women who is happy to be a women. Nothing against men, but I am not trying to be a man and am glad I'm not a man. I would make a terrible man. I am soft, feminine, supportive and loving to my husband and (hopefully) to all people around me. I am not weak, nor unintelligent, unmotivated, and I am not "mooching" off my husband's hard work.

And it makes me upset when people assume that feminine = weak or anything of the like.

For instance, we are looking into buying a house. And without going into too many details, it was made clear to me that my husband was considered the buyer (or as they put it "the decision maker"), while I was the little wife whose ideas, thoughts and questions were not as important. I am sure that the stress of looking for a house, and pregnancy hormones did not help.

But when I told (was complaining to) some friends about this, they're answer was "and you're going to wear skirts for a month?"

Somewhere along the way, I think people decided that all skirts were made out of doormats. This is why I've decided to do the Dress Dare. All the women that I know who are doing this are strong, beautiful, intelligent women. Women who you look up to. Women who you see in a skirt and think "well, if she's wearing a skirt, then maybe it's a good thing." Maybe all these ideas about how wearing a skirt means that you've given up on your own identity, you're own soul, are wrong.

Well - I'm glad to wear the skirt, and glad that some of my brilliant friends are challenging the rest of us to show the world with what we wear that true femininity means being a strong, beautiful, soft, intelligent, confident, rational being enlivened by God's own spark burning within us. (And not some wanna-be in an ugly pant suit.)

Grab your skirts, shave those legs and join us!

Confessions of a Jean-aholic Part 1

Dear Defining Beauty,

If you ask me which article of clothing I cannot live without, I will not hesitate to answer: my pair of jeans. I am one of those crazy people who pays a fortune for designer denim, because it is oh-so worth it. I wear them out until there are holes in my knees and the hems are completely fringed. And sometimes I wear them anyways, despite rips and tears. I can fancy them up with a cute blouse and some jewelery, or dress them down with a pair of flip-flops. It sounds cliche, but when I wear my jeans, I feel confident, comfortable, and I feel like me.

That being said, you can probably guess how much I am looking forward to the Dress Dare. Can I really hang up my beloved jeans for an entire month? Why put myself through the torture? Insert my childish response here: "Because someone dared me to..."

God made men and women equal in dignity. We each have different strengths and gifts, and we complement each other in a profound way that bears the image of our creator. I have never felt called to wear skirts and dresses for the same reason that many admirable Christian women have witnessed to me. Nevertheless, I love being a woman and am proud of my femininity. I am always striving for ways to better understand my mission as a woman, and to draw closer to the Father by using the gifts that He has given me.

During what history labels as the feminist movement, women unfortunately felt that they needed to reject all aspects of femininity in order to compete with men and prove themselves to be "better". In the context of how women have been treated in some past civilizations, it is understandable why these "feminists" felt anger towards men. In fact, these conflicts can be traced back to the fall of man. Scripture says that after eating the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden, God said to Eve: Your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master (Gn 3: 16). In other words, as a result of original sin, it is a natural temptation for men to desire domination over women, and for women to be submissive to them in a disordered way.

The efforts to fight this disharmony between sexes continues to have a great impact on our society today. In completely rejecting femininity, virtues such as humility, service, patience, selflessness, charity, maternity, kindness ect., are often looked down upon in our secular world. They are seen as signs of "weakness". Nevertheless, these are all virtues that Mary, the most holy of all creatures, demonstrated in her life on earth. She is the model of all women, and the one who defines feminine beauty in every aspect.

I strongly believe that true feminism does not mean rejecting our womanhood and becoming like men. Feminism is being aware of the great dignity of my mission as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, teacher and person. Femininity is important, and a beautiful blessing that we should be proud of. Does this mean that wearing a skirt will really bring me closer to God? Will the dress dare help to make me more perfectly feminine, in a way that I can fulfill my personal vocation? I don't know the answer to these questions yet, but it seems worthwhile to explore. If anything, I am looking forward to spending the month of May reflecting and meditating over femininity and Mary. Will you join me in this experience and discussion about femininity?


Sincerely,
a Jean-aholic

P.S. Please pray for me, since I am bound to have some SERIOUS denim withdrawals up ahead of me.

A Reflection From Mother Teresa

"I do not understand why some people are saying that women and men are exactly the same, and are denying the beautiful differences between men and women. All God's gifts are good, but they are not all the same. As I often say to people who tell me that they would like to serve the poor as I do, "What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God." It is just this way with the differences between women and men.

God has created each one of us, every human being, for greater things-- to love and to be loved. But why did God make some of us men and others women? Because a woman's love is one image of the love of God, and a man's love is another image of God's love. Both are created to love, but each in a different way. Woman and man complete each other, and together show forth God's love more fully than either can do it alone.

That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother. Motherhood is the gift of God to women. How grateful we must be to God for this wonderful gift that brings such joy to the whole world, women and men alike! Yet we can destroy this gift of motherhood, especially by the evil of abortion, but also be thinking that other things like jobs or positions are more important than loving, than giving oneself to others. No job, no plans, no possessions, no idea of "freedom" can take the place of love. So anything that destroys God's gift of motherhood destroys His most precious gift to women-- the ability to love as a woman."

http://www.catholic.org/clife/teresa/quotes.php

Femininity in the Media

For months now, I have been considering my following of the reality television series "18 Kids and Counting" a guilty pleasure. I was reflecting over what it is that draws me to the show, and narrowed it down to one person-- Michelle Duggar. This woman truly inspires me!

Throughout all of her interviews she constantly exudes humility, grace, peacefulness and femininity. I am sure that many viewers must watch the Duggars mockingly, due to their large family size and God-centered life, yet Michelle Duggar is never defensive. In fact, she always finds a gentle way to see goodness in every person and situation that the Duggar family faces. I admire her quiet strength-- an active submission to her call to holiness. All in all, Michelle is clearly a witness of a woman at peace with God's will for her life.

My purpose of this post is not to place Michelle Duggar on a pedestal, but rather to point out a positive example of femininity in the media. Do you watch 18 Kids and Counting? Can you think of any other women on television who "define beauty" to you?