Nighttime Humility

I spent the early part of this week celebrating my little one's first birthday. I love him to pieces, but this year has been very difficult. It is easy for me to point everything that has gone "wrong" to one problem: my son's inability to sleep.

Before I became a parent, I was fully prepared to trade sleeping in for 6AM Saturday morning cartoons. I knew that my newborn would wake up at night to feed. I understood that there would be teething bouts all the way through toddlerhood, where my husband and I would have to console our aching baby for a few nights in a row. What I did not expect was that one year later, I would still be awoken every hour. I did not expect that I would spend half of my day trying to sooth my baby to sleep for naps and throughout the night.

It is a good thing that I did not know, because sometimes I wonder if I would have had the courage to get on board. I have spent many hours complaining, crying and praying, "Dear Lord, why won't my baby sleep?" There have been many days when I even felt that this situation was bringing me to the point of depression. How could I possibly go on physically, mentally, spiritually with this never ending fast from sleep?

Well, it is a year later and I am still here. No, he is not sleeping much better yet, but I've accepted this fact (on most days). More importantly, I have learned that my son's sleeplessness and my body's sleep deprivation are not the problem. The problem all along has been my lack of humility.

Humility in its truest sense, is the recognition of our relationship to God. To be humble we must always remember who He is, and who we are. God made us to love, worship and serve Him. We do not become saints by doing what we want, or what we think God's will should be, but by doing His will for us in the everyday circumstances He sends us. Every minute of our day is from God, and it is up to us to offer it back to him prayerfully and dutifully. In my case, staying joyful despite getting fewer zzz's is a pleasing act of humility to God.

When we lack humility, we often feel resentful, depressed, frustrated and angry with situations. Our responsibilities become burdensome and our daily crosses become very heavy. Sacrifice seems meaningless, and love lacks in our lives. If we remember however, who God is to us and that each moment IS His will for us, we feel that we can find joy and meaning in our suffering. Even if for the rest of my life I never sleep longer than an hour, I will be at peace because I will be surrendering to God's will.

Another beautiful thing I've noticed specifically about sleep is that it is one of our basic needs. God created our bodies to NEED rest. Similarly to discomfort felt from fasting, my exhaustion can serve as a humbling reminder in itself for me of how much I depend on God, because He made me this way. By "fasting" from sleep, I take attention away from myself and draw my rest and replenishment from a different source: God.

Humility reminds us that God is in charge. We might not understand His will, but it is by following Christ's example and surrendering everything to the Father that will lead us to heaven. Now, please remind me to reread this post daily-- because forgetfulness is a side effect of sleep deprivation and of humanity.

Casting Stones

This Sunday's gospel is one that always hits home for me, because of Jesus' call to forgiveness and humility. He tells the scribes and Pharisees who are circling the woman caught in adultery, "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" John 8. Similarly, we can often be quick to judge others, while forgetting to focus on the one person we can change: ourselves.

In our present culture it would not be acceptable to stone someone for committing adultery. Although it is a grave and hurtful matter, we know that the sinner can be forgiven. While reflecting on this reading, I was reminded of the current sexual abuse accusations made about Catholic priests, which is once again being focused upon in the media. There is no question that horrible crimes have been committed, and that the victims deserve our prayers and help to rehabilitate from these dreadful events. At the same time however, we cannot ignore Jesus' teachings. In this gospel reading Jesus not only called the Pharisees to examine themselves before stoning the woman, but more importantly, He also forgave her.

Will we join the media and continue to condemn the Church? Like the adulteress woman who humbly accepted her sentence before Jesus, the Church and the pope have asked for forgiveness. Will we drop our stones and follow Jesus' example to accept the Church's apology?

As the season of lent draws to a close, we will soon reflect on the Last Supper. There, Jesus broke bread and washed the feet of all twelve of his disciples. He knew that his betrayer would be among them, but He loved them anyways. Let us pray for the healing of those who have been hurt by Church officials, and also for the conversion of those who committed the crimes. Let us be reminded that we are all sinners, and that Jesus himself calls for us to forgive. Let us pray for our Church, and remember not to abandon Peter because of what Judas did.

Femininity in the Media

For months now, I have been considering my following of the reality television series "18 Kids and Counting" a guilty pleasure. I was reflecting over what it is that draws me to the show, and narrowed it down to one person-- Michelle Duggar. This woman truly inspires me!

Throughout all of her interviews she constantly exudes humility, grace, peacefulness and femininity. I am sure that many viewers must watch the Duggars mockingly, due to their large family size and God-centered life, yet Michelle Duggar is never defensive. In fact, she always finds a gentle way to see goodness in every person and situation that the Duggar family faces. I admire her quiet strength-- an active submission to her call to holiness. All in all, Michelle is clearly a witness of a woman at peace with God's will for her life.

My purpose of this post is not to place Michelle Duggar on a pedestal, but rather to point out a positive example of femininity in the media. Do you watch 18 Kids and Counting? Can you think of any other women on television who "define beauty" to you?