To the Woman who Defines Beauty

Happy Birthday Mother Mary!

The look of love

Recently I've really begun to ask myself how do I love? Or, better, how should I love?

This comes from having a few dear ones to me basically doing the moral equivalent of running into the street (or, more, running into on-coming traffic). They know it's not a good idea, but do it anyway. When they tell me about it, I'm not sure what my response should be. What is the loving thing to do?

Up to now, I haven't been able to contain myself and I tell them that while I understand that it may feel good at the time, it will only hurt them. That it IS hurting them - they just don't realize it yet. However, I come across as "hard." They haven't told me this, but I can feel it. True goodness, true love does not come across as being "hard." I don't think Jesus came across as "hard." Not to the sinner anyway - did He? Maybe to the Pharisees, but I think that is because they were dealing with intellectual problems. My dear friends are having love issues.

How do you explain to someone not to throw away their emotions? That the person who they love does not love them back (as is made obvious by the other's actions)? How do you explain to them that they are selling themselves short? without sounding like - excuse me - but a prick?

I read a book recently by Conrad Baars (Catholic psychologist). He talks about the real need for love, and how many of the problems in our culture, many of the psychological and emotional problems are from people not being loved enough/correctly. That the Human person cannot develop properly without being "affirmed." This affirmation, further, is not something you do, but is something you are. It shows in the eyes, more than actions or words. I think he's right. They say that when St. Max Kolbe was being murdered, he looked on the guards with such love that they could not stand it. One had to leave, and the others commanded him not to look at them.

That look cannot be "hard." How do I get that look in my eyes when talking with the ones I love? How do I become that person? If you guys have any thoughts or even know what I'm talking about, I'd really like some ideas.

Blood Money

This trailer caught my attention. The documentary film has no distributor yet, but it seems like an awesome effort to expose the truth about the abortion industry.

Are we high-needs children?

"High-Needs" or "High-Demand" is a fairly common label for many infants. These babies require much more attention from their parents, and are known for being fussy, colicky and easily overstimulated. Despite the fact that they spend a lot of their early months crying, studies show that given the right environment high-demand babies will hit their developmental milestones right with their "easy-going" peers. This is likely to be because high-need babies are held more, rocked more, sung to more, and touched more. In essence, their parents are required to give more in order to meet their demands and help these babies to thrive.

Going through this experience with my son has had me reflecting on my own relationship with God the Father. I often feel "high-needs" when it comes to the faith. I "need" sacraments such as the mass and confession regularly. I constantly fall, and need God's merciful love to pick me back up. I am coming to the conclusion however, that this might not be a bad thing. Some of the greatest saints, such as St. Paul and St. Augustine, were "high-needs". These lost sheep required a immense amount of mercy from our Lord, but their conversions are some of the greatest known to man. Being high-needs provides opportunities for God to constantly pour out his love on us, and guide us closer and closer to Him. My son's need for his parents for his developing mind and body is very good, and our need for God's love for our developing souls is infinitely awesome.

Help with Humility

How are you at asking for help? The past months have been a struggle for me, as I've been learning to deal with a very high-needs infant. I have had several family members offer to help, but in my prideful determination to maintain my "perfect-mom" image I've mostly declined and truly failed to reach out. Deep-down I know that accepting aid will actually make me a better mother to my son, but it sure takes a lot of humility to accept this!

Jesus modeled the path of humility by entering into the world as a small helpless infant. He depended on mere human beings to take care of him, as all babies do. Later in life, He established the priesthood through his apostles to help him spread the Word. Even during His walk with the cross, Jesus accepted help from others such as Simon of Cyrene. If the Son of God needed a hand during his earthly mission, what makes me think that I do not?

As women, we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect at everything. We need to learn that being open to help is a sign of humility, and not a sign of weakness. Moreover, we all go through times when much is demanded from us, and we need to remember to support and help each other whenever possible. Where would Christianity be, had Mary not accepted her call to help in God's plan?

The "Cost" of raising kids

http://www.parentsconnect.com/articles/cost_of_raising_kids.jhtml

I found this article published by the government to be quite laughable. First of all, because our tax monies is going towards paying multiple people to work on this project every year. Second of all because it's just crazy! According to this Chart we "should" be spending about $15,700 a year on baby E, for a grand total of $290K until she's 18. I think part of the reason that these numbers are a bit inflated is because it includes housing and transportation, but we always considered that a sunk cost because whether or not she existed we'd have a house and cars. THe one that really strikes me is food: $1630. What the heck are you feeding your baby that costs almost $2k a year. Even if you bought only Earth's best and organic everything it STILL won't cost you that much. Eesh. I'm just lazy and E eats whatever we're eating and whatever we have around the house (Her newest fave being tortilla chips). Anywho, just wanted to share this article.

Transitions and Spirituality

It is no secret that as young adults, we experience many changes. Very few of us are stationary during these years of our lives. Many of us attend college, begin careers, move out of our parents' home, move back into our parents' home, change roommates, get married, begin families... You get my drift. It seems as though year to year, things are always very different!

One of my biggest challenges has been maintaining my spiritual life and habits through major transitions. Its obvious that my spiritual life would be different as a single person than it would as a married woman. After the wedding however, my husband and I were surprised how difficult it was to learn to pray together throughout the day.

Most recently I became a mother-- and in the midst of the sleepless nights, feeding schedules and diaper changes, I realized that I was barely praying anymore. Many of my spiritual habits that I had previously formed no longer seemed compatible with my daily life. As much as I enjoyed it in the past, reading 20 minutes from a spiritual book before bed is just not compatible with my sleep deprivation! At this time I can barely concentrate long enough to read a silly magazine article! That being said, I have been so caught up in my newborn that I hadn't developed a new spiritual plan to grow in my vocation as a mother. I need to be creative in finding ways to make my new daily routine prayerful, and hopefully form new habits. As my baby grows, I need to continually make adjustments to my spiritual life (hopefully bring back spiritual reading) based on where God is calling me. It truly is beautiful how our journey here on earth is always changing and allowing us to grow in different ways.

CARITAS IN VERITATE

Our Holy Father's newest encyclical is here! It's focus is a topic we've discussed recently, truth in love, and his insights are brilliant. I haven't finished it myself, but once I started, I could hardly stop, and I can't wait to read more.

He begins by discussing the need for charity to always include truth, and vice-versa. He states, “Truth is the light that gives meaning and value to charity.” Without seeking to share the truth and enlighten those around us, we are not truly loving anyone. “Without truth, charity is confined to a narrow field devoid of relations."

He discusses the need for development of the human person in a world where the focus is on development in science and technology. In the context of this development, he stresses the importance of fraternal love, “Underdevelopment has an even more important cause than lack of deep thought: it is “the lack of brotherhood among individuals and peoples”[52]. Will it ever be possible to obtain this brotherhood by human effort alone? As society becomes ever more globalized, it makes us neighbours but does not make us brothers.” The brotherhood needed is one of love in truth. Our Holy Father wishes us to develop friendships where we call one another to higher virtue, where we push each other to become better human beings, to become what the Lord wants us to be: His saints. As my friends, please always call me on my vices, for that is what sisters in Christ do.

That's just the first few chapters, so I can't wait to read the rest, as I'm sure he'll have so much more insight into this subject, and how we can impact the world, spreading love in truth.

A Day of Rest

I came across an article this morning about keeping Sundays' a holy day of rest. As simple as it sounds, this is a commandment that I greatly struggle with!

As a student, Sundays were always a homework catch-up day for me. I remember believing that after I finished school, I would finally be able to keep the Sabbath holy. It's been a couple of years now however, and my Sundays have now often become a day to catch up on errands and chores. My new excuse has become "when I have a family, I will get really serious about resting on Sundays".

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body,” (No. 2185).

As young adults, we often feel "in between", when it comes to family life. We don't always have a typical Sunday routine, like we may have experienced while growing up at home. Our own families may not be established enough to create new traditions. Regardless, there are so many ways that we can keep Sunday a day for our Lord. One very challenging goal that my husband and I have attempted to follow, is to refrain from eating out, shopping, or participating in any activity that requires of others to work. This is much harder than it sounds! Another idea that a friend recently shared with me is going to adoration on Sundays. Turning off the television and doing some spiritual reading, calling a friend, or going for a walk are other great things we can do.

What do you do to keep Sunday's restful??

Our Father's Love

Yesterday, my daughter took her worst fall yet, and survived, but with a big fat blood-blistered lip to show for it. It was a minor spill, as she just head-butted the ground while crawling, but it was one of the most agonizing moments I've experienced. I felt similar pain when she was sick and vomited for the first time a few weeks ago. I felt so impotent, watching her suffer, knowing there was nothing I could do to take it away, and yet I would've done just about anything to make it stop.

This made me think, how much our Blessed Mother suffered! When Simeon said "A sword shall pierce your heart," he wasn't kidding. I can't imagine anything comparing to watching your child suffer the ultimate in suffering. But she accepted it, as the Lord's will, for she knew that He was saving us. How her heart must ache when we reject that salvation.

All the more, how much LOVE does God the Father have for US! Holy Moly! Now, I love you girls, but I don't think I would sacrifice my daughter's life for yours or anyone else's (no offense). God the Father, willingly put his son on Earth to do just that. Even when His Son was pleading with Him to take the cup away, He still allowed Him to suffer and die for us all. THAT IS LOVE!

So I look to Our Lady of Sorrows in awe of her sacrifice and God the Father for His, and I thank them both, along with Our Lord, Jesus Christ who offered himself to save us all. Who'd of thought a little boo-boo would lead to such a meditation!

Unless you live in a bubble, it is likely that you have heard of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 buzz in the media. In the past few weeks, tabloids, magazines and entertainment news shows have been focusing on the couple's struggling marriage. And from the looks of it, Jon and Kate are riding this media wave despite the effects that it has on their family; the show's ratings are higher than ever.

I've been a fan of the show since its beginnings. Like many, I've enjoyed watching the adorable Gosselin children interact, and have been fascinated by the methods Kate uses to run her large household. For most of us longtime fans however, we started noticing changes long before the affair accusations began. In the past few years the Gosselin family home has become a platform for endorsements and product placement, and it has become difficult to ignore Kate's physical "transformation". Even more, in most recent episodes it became clear that Jon and Kate's playful banter during their on-screen interviews was becoming less playful, and much more bitter. I remember feeling a little sad after watching certain episodes, because Jon and Kate seemed so unhappy.

My dilemna is as follows: I have yet to watch this season's premiere. I have seen a few heartbreaking clips from the episode, and I am struggling to decide whether watching a couple's marriage fall apart is an appropriate form of entertainment. Of course with all of the drama surrounding the family, the temptation to watch is stronger than ever. At the same time, I can't help but to be angry at Jon and Kate for continuing to film, despite their broken marriage. They are clearly not putting their children's needs above the show!

Do you think that a boycott of the reality show is needed? It is unlikely that my personal decision not to watch will make a difference to TLC producers, but will it make a difference in my own life?

Full of Love

The past few weeks have been wonderful, chaotic, exhausting, blessed... and there are so many other contradicting words I can think of to describe it. Six weeks ago my husband and I welcomed our first baby into our family. The experience has been unforgettable.

My labor and delivery did not go at all as planned. In fact, it went exactly as I had hoped it wouldn't. Having endured a long and challenging pregnancy, I was convinced that God would "cut me some slack" for my baby boy's birth. After all, he never gives us more than we can handle... and I had had enough! Instead my little one arrived after almost 4 full days of labor, 4 hours of pushing and a c-section delivery. It was the most exhausting experience of my life thus far.

Unexpectedly, the hours and days after D's arrival left me with a surprising reflection. Any event physically, emotionally and psychologically equivalent to D's birth would have put me into a self- pitying recovery hibernation for months. But as I drifted in and out of consciousness (partly due to pain medication, partly due to exhaustion), I still managed to joyfully nurse and attend to our new baby's needs as much as possible. Instead of waking up and feeling tired and in pain, I truthfully felt so full of joy that I thought my heart might burst. I couldn't do enough for D! And as the days continued I was sure that I would eventually run out of adrenaline and have to face reality, but I was wrong-- I never ever ran out of love. Most significantly, there is no doubt that this love was not from me. I was blessed with God's love and grace pouring out of me to take care of His new little soul.

Meanwhile, I had never felt so loved in my life. I was loved by each and every nurse in the hospital, who helped me do simple things we usually take for granted, such as walk or shower. I was loved by my family and friends who were there to support me in their presence and in their prayers. I had never felt more loved by my husband, who stood by my side for the entire experience and was doing all in his power to take care of his newborn baby and his postpartum wife. God's graces were flowing all around me in so many ways. It was amazing!!

From this experience, I have a new understanding of Jesus's love through His cross. Although my suffering is nothing compared to His, I feel that I have had a personal glimpse of His walk on Cavalry. Our Father's love poured through Jesus, to the point of death. We are so blessed to be Christians, because from this cross comes new life, and incredible JOY! This quote by Mother Teresa definitely sums up what I have learned from my experience:

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
-Mother Teresa

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

On Friday night I went with two friends to see the new movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. I thought is was going to be just a cute chick-flick. I didn't know much about it but it was PG-13 so how bad could it really be right? WRONG! I can not believe that they would let 13 year olds see that movie. It had several scenes that I would call soft porn. Throughout the entire movie the male characters objectified women in action and speech. Women ran around in their underwear throwing themselves as men and this was presented as completely acceptable. I have never been as offended as a woman as I was for the hour of the movie I stayed for. We kept hoping it would redeem itself by saying that behavior was all wrong but it just kept getting worse until we finally left. We asked for our money back and the customer service person said that we are not the first people to complain. Do not see that movie, it is horrible.

Props to ArchBishop Burke

I love this man! 

Archbishop Raymond Burke, formerly of St. Louis is so solid and never afraid to speak out about the truth. He has recently been appointed as the prefect of the Apostolic Signatura, the Vatican's highest court. He is a sweet, gentle man but is also stern when it comes to sin and scandal. He reminds me very much of what I imagine God the Father to be.

Now, he is taking a stance and speaking out about the scandal of Notre Dame giving an honorary degree to President Obama. He ALWAYS stands up for life. He even stepped down from the board of a children's hospital in St. Louis because they asked Sheryl Crow (openly anti-life) to be on the board as well, and he knew it would be scandalous to remain there.

I want Pope Benedict to live a long life because he is so ridiculously awesome, but during the next conclave, I will likely be praying for Archbishop Burke to be the first American pope! (And because he's a friend of the family, we'd have an in with the pope!)

To read more, click here.

Pro-Life Ad to be Aired during American Idol

After being rejected from airing an ad during this past Superbowl, Catholicvote.org has persisted and created a new pro-life ad to be aired during the American Idol season finale. Let's pray that its message has an impact on viewers.