Desires of the Heart

I read something today that I thought worth sharing...

At times God gives us desires he never intends to fulfill. There is only one desire he will always fulfill and that is the desire to be with him in eternity if we obey his commandments. Temporal desires are not always fulfilled even if they come from God. Many young men want to be priests and they are unsuitable or lack the opportunity. Many woman want to be mothers but are sterile. These frustrated desires are meant to make us humble and more trusting in God. Ultimately being with him in eternity is all that matters. Maybe it is the unfulfilled desires that require a tremendous amount of faith that will be the very thing that ushers us into eternity with God.

A tough but beautiful truth.

Book Reccomendation

I just finished reading the book Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly. If you are looking for a book to help inspire you to more fully live out your Catholic faith in today's world I recommend this book. Maybe make a new years resolution to more fully embrace your faith and start by picking up this great book.

To All Brave Mothers

"We would like to pay homage to all brave mothers who dedicate themselves to their own family without reserve, who suffer in giving birth to their children and who are ready to make any effort, to face any sacrifice, in order to pass on to them the best of themselves... How hard they have to fight against difficulties and danger!  How frequently they are called to face genuine 'wolves' determined to snatch and scatter the flock!  And these heroic mothers do not always find support in their surroundings.  On the contrary, the cultural models frequently promoted and broadcast by the media do not encourage motherhood.  In the name of progress and modernity, the values of fidelity, chastity, sacrifice, in which a host of Christian wives and mothers have distinguished themselves, are presented as obsolete.  As a result, a woman who is determined to be consistent in her principles often feels deeply alone, alone in her love which she cannot betray, and to which she must remain faithful.  Her guiding principle is Christ, who has revealed the love which the Father bestows on us.  A woman who believes in Christ finds a powerful support precisely in this love that bears everything..."

-Pope John Paul II

On the beautification of St. Gianna Beretta Molla

The Cure for Writer's Block

In the past several weeks  I have occasionally sat down to "blog", but felt a strong case of writer's block.  I stare at my screen, blank-faced and defeated.  I feel annoyed for my lack of creativity and frustrated that the Holy Spirit is not inspiring me!  I love Defining Beauty, and I have been disappointed for feeling like I have nothing to say...

I am not a writer, though I obviously enjoy pretending.  I do remember however, some writing advice from a past English class.  "If you have writer's block, just start writing".  My teacher told us to start with a thought, a journal entry, or anything to help us get started.  If that still did not work, she suggested we start copying the line "I do not know what to write..." until something came up.  And most often, something eventually came up and I started to write.

Another area in life where I often get "writer's block" is prayer.  Sometimes I feel discouraged that God is not listening, or I simply get so busy that I do not make time for prayer.  I get in the habit of not praying, and suddenly, it is like I do not know where to start, and do not know what to pray about.  It is like meeting an old acquaintance for coffee, and falling into an awkward silence because we just realized that we hardly know each other anymore.  I fall into the trap of wondering whether God even wants to hear from me anymore!

I think that in this case, the best advice one could give would be to "just start praying".  Turn off the distractions and close the door.  Go to adoration.  Don't know what to say?  Use a prayer written by a saint, or somebody else.  Go to mass.  Say a rosary.  Read a spiritual book.  Just start praying!  It may feel as though you are starting small, but it is a starting point, and most often, we eventually start to pray...

Now, hopefully this post will be just the muse I need to help me fight my case of writer's block.

Merry Christmas

It has been quite some time since I have hit the blog screen. A bit of writers block and a lot of studying for grad school finals took control. A thought occurred to me on this beautiful Christmas morning that I thought I would share if anyone out there is still reading...

I love Advent! I love Christmas too of course but for some reason I really love advent. During some great spiritual direction on Christmas Eve I realized that I love Advent because it is a beautiful parallel for my own life. In my life God asks me to have a lot of patience. Patience seems to be a reoccurring theme in our relationship. I don't know about the rest of you but for me patience it not easy. We live in a culture of fast food and cell phones; a culture of convenience and instant gratification. If we want it we can usually get it with the click of a button or the plastic of a credit card. When it comes to the bigger things in life though, the things that are really important, we can't just order them up. If we want temporary happiness we can get it instantly but if we want lasting happiness we have to wait on the one who is the author and source of that joy. On the first Christmas, joy came to the world and from one little baby the rest of our fulfillment flowed. I long to be fulfilled and happy, not temporarily but forever. There are big questions in my life that remained unanswered. During Advent I am reminded that I can put those questions aside and fill my life with fading joy or I can embrace those questions and wait for the answers from the one who is the author of my soul and all its longings.

I love Advent because it calls me into deeper prayer and faith. In order to endure patiently we must pray for deep faith. Like the prophets of the Old Testament I must wait on the Lord. What joy they all must have felt at the moment of Christ's birth when all they had waited for had finally come!

JMJ

New Traditions

My husband and I are very fond of traditions, given our Catholic faith, which is so rich in them. We applied it to our courtship with weekly rituals, (Monday gift days, Wednesday communication, Friday date nights), and now are growing with family traditions. The holidays are such a beautiful opportunity to create family traditions, and with each year, we're building more and more.

I thought this article was great food for thought for every Catholic family. I think we'll be adding this tradition this year. Other new ones we're taking on this Advent is celebrating the feast days during this time. We are celebrating St. Nicholas's feast and had our little girl set out one of her boots outside her bedroom last night, and this morning, she had a little gift of some new hair clips inside. It wasn't anything pricy or opulent, but her face lit up with surprise and excitement when she saw that her boot had been filled while she slept.

Another neat tradition we've started is a Jesse tree. I drew the stump and our 2 year old made leaves by fingerpainting green leaves, and each day, we add some magazine clipping or draw something signifying a moment or person in salvation history. For example, Creation- stars and moon, Noah- a picture of a ship, Passover- a lamb, David-a harp, The Visitation-an angel, The Nativity- a picture of a newborn baby, etc... It's a great way to teach little ones the various stories that lead to Jesus birth, and the salvation of the world.

Just a few ideas to keep the focus on the real reason for the season!

May God bless you and your families this advent. O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

Preparing for Advent

Just wanted to share that the Fisher Price Nativity Set is currently 50% off at Target!  I have been considering purchasing it for a while, and now that it is on sale, I do not think I will be able to resist.
 

Does anyone have any other recommendations for toys, books, games, activities ect. to teach toddlers and young children about advent and the true meaning of Christmas?

Saintly Wisdom

Nothing can bring greater happiness than doing God's will for the love of God.  

-Blessed Miguel Pro

Me-Time

For the past few years, my husband has been taking grad-school classes in the evening to earn his MBA.  This means that on 2 or 3 evenings a week he often leaves his full work-day to head straight to school, on occasion dropping in at home for a quick bite to eat.  Although this routine has been a challenge in many ways (especially since we've had a baby), I have also learned to see it as a blessing.

Although I love being with my husband, I am an introvert, and so I truly enjoy time to myself.  I do not always have to be relaxing during this "me" time-- no matter what I am doing, I relish in the quietness and peace that comes to me when I am alone.  Doing chores, groceries, folding laundry or catching up on work are all tasks that I am known to occupy myself with while my hubby is at school.

Once in awhile however, I love to indulge in a little special personal time.  My favorite solitary things to do are to exercise, stretch, shop online, write and read.  At the end of a really tough day, I might even pour myself a glass of wine, bake, or put in a DVD.  Having this time to myself always helps me feel at peace and rejuvenated.

I'm curious:  What are your favorite things to do when you have alone time?  How do you schedule time for yourself when things get busy?

Through His Little Eyes

I have often felt somewhat peeved by those who begin their celebration of Christmas too early.  Nowadays stores shelves are stocked with candy canes amidst back-to-school supplies, Santa costumes are on display next to jack-o-lanterns, and the radio starts its Christmas programming before thanksgiving weekend.  The main source of my frustration is that come December 26, everybody is so tired of carols and eggnog that Christmas trees are immediately put out for trash and the occasion is over.  Don't they realize that the Christmas season is weeks long?  For this reason, I try to hold off on Christmas-ing, and focus on preparations during advent...

Until this year, that is.  It is still early November and I have already broken all of my rules.  There is a Christmas CD in my car, and I have stopped to admire the decorated trees at the mall.  My pantry is stocked with red and green candies for holiday baking, and I have already checked off a couple of items on my gift shopping list.

What has caused my insanity?  I can put the blame entirely on the wonderful little person currently living under my roof.

Technically it is not his first Christmas.  Last year we dressed up our little 8-month old in festive pajamas and drove around so he could see the lighted homes in our neighborhood.  He learned how to unwrap gifts, and ate his first bite of honey-glazed ham.  Somehow though, it is very different this year.  And I can hardly wait for it all!

I cannot wait to teach him the words to the french carols I grew up with, and to sing happy birthday to Jesus.  I cannot wait to see him play with our nativity set and let him decorate some sugar cookies.  This year I can teach him about the individual decorations on our family's tree.  We can wish others a Merry Christmas together, and snuggle in our jammies by the fireplace.  I can wake him up on Christmas morning, give him a goody-filled stocking and share in his excitement-- the excitement I remember feeling as a child.  This year, I can experience Christmas through his eyes as he soaks in the love and joy that envelops the world during this season.  This year, the family traditions REALLY begin-- traditions that will hopefully continue for many more years.

So perhaps I am a little more anxious to get to December 25th than usual...  But with advent only 2 weeks away, can you honestly blame me?

Thoughts from an "old" lady

For the last few years I have been dreading turning 30. And I mean dreading. I would often tell people that on my thirtieth birthday I plan to stay in bed and cry, so don't bother me. I would get nervous to tell people that I was almost 30 because I am still single and felt that my life hadn't really started yet. I look very young so it was often very easy to avoid admitting my age. Also, I hear all these things people say about women turning 30...

- Your metabolism dies.

- Your fertility drastically takes a turn for the worse.

- Your hips spread.

- You lose your memory.

- Your hair starts to go grey.

and on and on and on

People make it sound like 30 is the end of life as you once knew it. Granted my metabolism has slowed and for the first time in my life I have hips. I am getting forgetful and have found a few grey hairs that were immediately pulled from my head. What was amazing to me though was that when I did turn 30 on October 24th, I didn't cry, frown, or even worry one bit. Instead one of my dearest friends through me a huge party and I celebrated life. I decided that as a present to myself I would buy some new clothes that make me feel especially beautiful and remind myself that 30 doesn't really matter. I decided that 30 would be an opportunity to start a new chapter in my life. I am giving myself permission to be beautiful. This whole first week of being 30 I have dressed up and allowed myself to be beautiful. This blog is called defining beauty and that is what I did for myself this week. I redefined for myself that I am beautiful. I am excited to be 30. Yes I do feel different but you know what, I feel better!

Note: I am the one in the middle in the picture above. You would never guess I am 30 right ;-)

I had it out with God today....

So I'm in one of those times in my life where God has an amazing plan for me, as He always does, but I just don't like His timing. No I'm not promoting this attitude -I'm just admitting that there are moments in my faith where I let myself get in the way of the joy God has for me at every moment.

Sunday's reading was all about humility and I have struggled recently with the idea I had of what humility was - I thought it was being humiliated. I thought if I prayed for it, God would "teach me a lesson." I didn't feel like learning any more lessons for right now. Then I read this meditation that really brought new insight -it said that humility was just knowing God was always in charge and when I get in the way I am blocking the Lord working. It's that idea, I must decrease and He must increase.

Ok so today's argument - I'm not pregnant - I've been trying since I got married last June, but nothing... The first doctor I went ran some simple blood tests - diabetes, cholesterol etc and didn't have much to say when everything came back normal. He told me "it just takes time for some women to get pregnant." And so what do you suggest I do while I wait? "Just calm down." REALLY! Thanks for that great advice!

I'd taken NFP classes in marriage prep, but hadn't paid much attention - my husband and I want 8 kids - I didn't care too much about avoiding pregnancy or spacing pregnancy. People began to mention that maybe I should return to the classes - even my parish Priest. I finally listen end. My husband and I switched to the Creighton model and within the first class they were talking about issues I knew I had. After the class I went right up to the teacher and told her what I thought was going on with me. For the first time someone really listened - and she even made the comment - "well if that's it, that's fixable." I almost cried right there. Just to be affirmed, just to have a glimpse of hope in this grey period of struggles.

The Creighton class led to a visit with a wonderful NFP doctor who immediately put me on vitamins and ordered real blood work - like LH/FSH levels, progesterone, estrogen, vitamin D levels. I had to do blood work 3 different days - that was last Friday, Thursday and this Monday. I did see the doctor about 6 weeks ago but I had to wait until this week to do the blood work. I've been waiting for this week - here it and now I have bruises on my arm. There is a sense of hope that now the doctor can fix my hormone levels, if they can be fixed.

While I should be really looking forward to the test results, I'm just at a point where I'm feeling fed-up with all the vitamins and sinus medication and doctors appointments ... I thought I would just get married and have 8 kids. I know the Lord will grant us children - whether they are biologically ours or we adopt. We may be on the tip of getting pregnant or months away from adoption.

Sometimes I'm fine with all this, sometimes I really try to look at how I have to rely on the Lord and what good he's bringing out of this. I try to find the silver lining. And then there are days like today where I just want to give up, pout and cry. And so it leads me to the "having it out with God part."

I got frustrated on my commute this morning. Being nice and emotional I thought you know what God - I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind. (Please pray I drop this disrespectful attitude) And so I told Him I'd had it. I'm sick of waiting - I don't want to do anything, I just want to get pregnant and it's about time you fixed this. WHEW. I just didn't know where to go from there - how to take that next step with God....

Then I checked the mail. St. Padre Pio is my husband's favorite Saint - we got engaged on His feast day. In fact just last night we were telling our Confirmation students about novenas and Phil reminded me that he got what he asked for when he did the novena before he proposed - he said I got you. And so today in the mail I got an envelope from the Capuchin Franciscan Friars of New Jersey. I have no idea how they got my address. Inside was a prayer card with Padre Pio on the front. St. Pio is quoted on the card as saying "I want to be any a poor Friar who prays... Pray, hope and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear our prayer... Prayer is the best weapon we have; it is the key to God's heart. You must speak to Jesus not only with your lips but with your heart. In fact on certain occasions you should speak to Him with only your heart." So Lord, what you're saying is Worry is useless. RIGHT! And then on the inside of the card is the Efficacious Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. (My husband and I did our first Novena to the Sacred Heart and got married the day after that feast day.) The card says the novena was recited everyday by Padre Pio for all who asked for his prayers. There is also a prayer for St. Padre Pio's intercession.

And so I'll just conclude my thoughts with this... I had it out with Him today and He sent me a novena in the mail. Off I go to start my novena. I'll let you know the updates ...

Think Pink?

Every October I always feel very conflicted about the Breast Cancer Awareness campaign.  On one hand, cancer awareness and raising money for a cure is always important.  Nevertheless, one of the largest organizations that contributing to breast cancer research to the Susan B. Komen foundation, who also happens to be a large supporter of Planned Parenthood.  It is so frustrating that a group claiming to help women actually supports abortions and contraception.  Don't they realize that oral contraceptives are one of the leading causes related to breast cancer?

I found this article especially interesting a helpful, in providing a Catholic perspective about the subject.

Thank you Lord for the time I have been given.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon:

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope

where there is darkness, light

where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Tenth Avenue North, Addison Road and Matt Maher

So last night my husband surprised me with tickets to see Matt Maher with 10th Ave North and Addison Road. It was a wonderful concert! I am a huge fan of Matt Maher so I was so excited when we got to Fresno State and Phil said "look there is Matt Maher." WHAT!!! I didn't even know they were in town. The Matt Maher band and Addison Road opened for Tenth Ave North. I don't really know Addison Road or Tenth Ave North, but I did recognize a few songs from listening to Christian Radio. The concert was just such a motivating event and a call to come from the dark to the light - the tour is called The Light Meets the Dark. If they come to your town go see them!!!! Each band lifts up the audience and strives to make a difference in their lives! Christian concerts are so interesting to me, because they have the live music element while they are geared at helping the audience praise the Lord. So check out their tour dates - http://tenthavenuenorth.com/tour. I think they said they were leaving So Cal, but they're headed to Oregon so keep your eye out America - don't miss this concert!