One in a Million!

Hey Everyone!

For those who have not heard yet, my brothers officially have a diagnosis! After over 21 years, we are finally starting to get some answers!

To find out more... Check out this link: Luckiest Family

Have a blessed day!

Holy Saturday

Holy Saturday has always been a rather weird day for me.

Jesus is dead and buried, but we know He's going to rise on Sunday. So you feel somber but also excited for the next day. You feel weird doing an Easter Egg hunt, but also know that the pain has ended (and it just works out better time-wise that way). I make my mom's Easter bread to get ready for Sunday, but am not sure if I should watch a movie while doing it. After all, Lent's done. The 40 days are spent, right? Usually end up watching something "God-ish" by way of merging the two. After that I'm not sure what to do. Mostly, I feel like I'm waiting for something. Which I am. But what to do in the mean time? Most years... yard work.

Just a weird day. Why put it in there?

This year, however, I understand.

My husband and I miscarried our 3rd baby a couple weeks ago. And what I felt after we found out, I still do not understand. I was sad that our baby was gone. In fact, by the time we found out, they figure the baby had been dead for at least a week. But, being of faith, I knew that our baby was in Heaven, happier than anyone around me. But I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't focus yet on our risen little one. I needed time to feel confused and mourn. His death was complete, I just had the effects to deal with. I knew that I would soon feel better, feel his prayers for myself and my family working in my life. I just needed time.

I needed a Holy Saturday.

“Most of us love a non-self, or something extrinsic and apart from our inner life; but a mother's love during the time she is a flesh-and-blood ciborium is not for a non-self but for one that is her very self, a perfect example of charity and love which hardly perceives a separation. Motherhood then becomes a kind of priesthood. She brings God to man by preparing the flesh in which the soul will be implanted; she brings man to God in offering the child back again to the Creator.”
 

Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

One door closes, another opens...

After listing our condo for over three months without any offers or leads, we've decided to stay put. Our plan is to save up for a down payment and pay down our current loan, so that we could hopefully be ready to move in 1.5 to 2 years.

Although I was surprised that our beautiful little home did not sell, this was one of those experiences were God clearly gave us a red light. We did our part-- made the upgrades, kept things tidy, escaped for the many ( many) showings. We submitted our offer on our desired home and sent in all of the paperwork that was needed. Our plan to move was in His hands and the outcome was definitely out of our control.

There is something very peaceful about events where God clearly opens or closes the door. The situation sets us up to trust in His plan.

On the other hand, there are many areas of my life that would be much simpler if I could just let go. Yet, for some reason I resist him, often kicking and screaming at the same time. I make life more complicated. Dominic skips his nap and I turn into a grouch. Gabriel wakes up every hour and I let it out on My husband or a friend. I forget that all these small everyday occurrences are also from God, and thus need to be accepted peacefully. (and yes, if you haven't noticed, a lot of my frustration is rooted in my children's inability to sleep). Sometimes it is because my will is not uniform with His, but more often it is because I fail to trust. He knows what is best!

I love lent because it truly is a season to simplify things. It is like a spiritual, mental and physical housecleaning that helps me to focus on what is important. It is time to get rid of that clutter that complicates my life, and put the nitty gritty of my days entirely in his hands. Maybe things won't be as crystal clear as a house sale, job offer, or new baby. But every minute brings an opportunity to grow in grace by accepting our situation, or fighting it. And perhaps one day I will learn to let it be.

 

 

Yep, she's a Catholic

Some days just stink. After a night of virtually no sleep with our newborn and then finding out that our church decided we can't use the parish hall for our daughters baptism three days after I confirmed it, I was just in a bad mood. Of course this was also the day of big G's Christmas show at preschool. After leaving late and forgetting the diaper bag which had my camera we finally made it to her classroom, dropped her off, and went up to the chapel to find a seat. Now, big G goes to a Lutheran preschool but she hasn't noticed any differences between their chapel and our church so far. But little G is a very smart little one year old. After we got our seats she started wandering around. A minute later she pointed to the hanging cross, then signed "Jesus" and "where?" then she got all concerned and started looking for him all over, but there was not 1 image of Jesus in the whole place. We couldn't help but laugh at how astute she was. It really made our day.

The Plagues

As I was studying the plagues in the book of Exodus today several thoughts came to my mind: What if God were to do something of that sort today? What would the plagues of today look like and what would they strike down? The purpose of the plagues in the book of Exodus were to strike down the false gods of the Egyptians and show that the God of the Israelites is the true God (see Ex 12:12 and Num 33:4). So the question is what are our false gods today? We might see the crash of our economy because of our worship of money. We might see massive loss of jobs because of our worship of success. We might see a strike against the sexual act because of our obsession with the pleasure of such acts. What if God sent a series of plague to you specifically, what false gods would he have to strike to show you that He is the true God?

After nine plagues all resulting in the hardening of Pharaoh's heart the most painful of all plagues hits: the death of the first born. God tells his people that in order to save their children they must sacrifice a lamb and spread the blood of the lamb on their doorpost. When the angel of death comes he will see the blood, recognize those families as faithful and pass over that house. What God is asking is not as simple as we might think. The lamb was seen as an Egyptian God and one that was not to be killed. By sacrificing that lamb and spreading its blood on the door the people were advertising to the world that they were rejecting the false gods. Doing so was a risk on their lives. They had to decide between risking their lives and serving the true God. Would we be willing to do this today? If God asked us to publicly risk our lives to show that we serve God would we? And what would like look like today? Maybe it would mean risking rejection because we speak the truth. Maybe it would mean risking appearing "hip" because we refuse the fashions of today that fail to glorify God. Maybe it would mean risking our reputation because we refuse to be present at events were drunkenness and sin abound. Maybe it would mean risking the acceptance of our family in order to follow the vocation God has for us. Maybe it would mean risking the pleasures of the world to fully dedicate our lives to God. Only you know what God is asking you to risk in order to fully serve him.

Through this series of plagues we read over and over again that Pharaoh's heart was hardened. Why does the truth of God harden his heart while softening others? Here is one say to see it: the sun falling on clay will make the clay hard but the same sun falling on wax will melt and soften that wax. The light of God is shining on every heart, the question is do we have hearts of clay or wax? Will be refuse God's truth and grow hard because we don't want to accept it or will our hearts be softened and mold to be more like his as the light reveals the truth to our hearts?

Saints

Ever have a moment in which you feel like someone is watching out for you? You have someone, indeed many ones. Do you know that you have saints in heaven who love you, whom you do not know but pray for your good unceasingly? Today is their day. May you feel their presence in this life and come to know them in the next. Happy feast of all saints!

Flirty 30's

One year ago I wrote a blog about turning 30. In that blog I reflected on my nervousness about being the big 3-0. Turning 30 wasn't as bad as I thought and being thirty far exceeded what I ever imagined. I always heard that the 30's are the best years of your life because by the time you are 30 you really know yourself and are settled in to who you truly are. I think the people who told me that were dead on! I can truthfully say that I think 30 was my favorite year thus far. In my 30th year of life I...

1. completed my third year teaching (the longest I have ever been at a single job) and still love what I am doing.
2. completed my first year of grad school in an amazing program that I am excelling in.
3. went to Rome where my faith was deepened and my love for the Saints was set on fire! I also met some amazing friends and prayer warriors from all over the country.
4. fulfilled my new years resolution of running a half marathon and even did it in the goal time I set.
5. went to Mexico and conquered my fear of heights on a giant high ropes adventure (well maybe didn't conquer it totally but I did complete the course).
6. was given the honor of being the godmother to two more perfect little babies (Lukas and Gabriel) who are such a joy to my life.
7. became unable to get going in the morning without coffee which I am told makes me a real working adult ;-)
8. finished out the year running my first (and not last) full marathon!

What a joy 30 had turned out to be. I can't wait to see what 31 has in store!

"I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I long to hear my God say that "I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" and on October 16, 2011 He did. Yesterday I ran my first full marathon (I wrote several weeks ago about the training). I never fully knew how much of a spiritual meditation running a marathon would be.

Two weeks ago I injured my IT band (a thick band of fibrous tissue that runs along the outside of the leg from the hip to the knee to stabilize the leg during activity like running). It is a very common runners injury that has the potential to put you out of commission for a good month. Determined to run I started working with an incredible physical therapist who believed he could get me ready for the race. I knew starting the race yesterday that it was going to be a painful journey but I was committed to crossing that finish line.

The first few miles felt pretty good. I decided to pray the rosary while I ran. I started with the joyful mysteries figuring I would save the sorrowful mysteries and meditation of Jesus' suffering and passion for the end of the race when I expected to feel the pain. About mile 5 the pain set in. My knee was experiencing sharp pains that radiated up my thigh to my hip and down through my shin. I knew I would experience some pain but I did not expect it to start so early. At this point the sorrowful mysteries got called up early. A great friend of mine sent me a text me right before my race letting me know that she had just given birth to her daughter several weeks early. I took miles 5-7 and the prayers of my second rosary and offered it all for baby Hannah to be strong and healthy. As I continued running I begged God to take away the pain so I could finish this race.

Being that the race was in San Francisco I knew that there would be some intense hills. Right around mile 6 we began a mile long hill. All through training I had been dreading those hills and looking forward to all the down hills that would follow those scary climbs. As I started up the huge hill I noticed that it didn't bother my knee as much. The pain went from sharp to a dull ache. Form is very different when running up hills as compared to flat or downhill. To my amazement the uphills were the best possible thing for me. As I got to the top and started the descent I quickly realize that running downhill sent shooting pains through the outside of my knee. This became a great meditation for me. How often do we think we know what is best and worst for us only to find out that the thing we dreaded is the best for us and the thing we desired turns out to be the most painful. Those hills ended up being a huge blessing. I kept praying that in life God would grant me the grace to know that even when something seems scary and terrible, He knows what is best and what seems so bad is often exactly what we need.

I continued to run in great amounts of pain praying for God to take the pain away. About mile13 I realized that it was not God's will for the pain to subside so I started in on the glorious mysteries. As I meditated on the Resurrection and Ascension of our Lord I asked not that God take away the pain but that he give me that grace and strength to endure. THAT prayer He answered to the fullest. As I began to meditate on the third glorious mystery, the descent of he Holy Spirit, I felt the Holy Spirit giving me an extra push to run through the pain. I felt Him offer me a second wind. I kept running and prayed the next two mysteries about Our Lady asking her to be with me as she was with Christ as he bore his pain. I know she was there immediately keeping me going.

It struck me that often in life we ask God to take away our pain and we can get so frustrated when he does not. Instead what if we asked him to give us the strength to bare that pain along with Him? I ran 21.2 miles in pain that never let up and I know it was only possible because God gave me the grace and will to just keep going. I focused on just putting one foot in front of the other and watched as the miles passed by.

At mile 23 I knew the end was near and was ready to be done. Unfortunately at mile 23 my knee was also ready to be done and decided that it didn't want to bend anymore. One again I was not giving up. I was forced to limp and let my other leg take up the stress. With my knee giving out my ankle came to my rescue. I didn't realize until I got to the finish line but my right ankle was really beat up from compensating for my weak knee. Again my mind raced to the teachings of Our Lord. Jesus said that the Church is like a body and all the members are necessary. When one member is weak another can step in and help carry the weight so that they both can make it to the finish line. I have many times in my life seen this among those in the body of Christ and even experienced it during the marathon. My running partner Olivia ran her first marathon with the same injury so she knew what I was feeling. Without me even having to tell her about my pain she lovingly cheered me to the finish line and never left my side. The last mile my body was tired but Olivia cheered me one and just kept saying "you can do this, your mind is strong, don't give up". As we rounded the last turn the finish line was in site. She grabbed my hand and we began almost sprinting to the end. I didn't know I had any energy left but seeing the goal gave me a final push that sent me flying. I pray that one say I fly into the arms of my Lord when I see that ultimate finish line and when I get there I long to hear him say that "I have finished the race, I have kept the faith".

Immediately after crossing that finish line I started screaming in joy and dancing to celebrate. It was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. I looked at Olivia and said "I want to do that again!" Runners high was happening for me that afternoon. The pain was a thing of the past. I no longer cared how bad it hurt, I was so excited to have accomplished such an amazing goal. Today I can't bend my knee or walk normal but it was all worth it! I pray that when life throws pain and suffering at me I am able to remember that it is all worth it to get to the finish line!

26.2 miles, are you crazy??

I am right now 6 weeks away from running my first marathon. As the training runs get longer and longer (16 miles just yesterday) I have been getting a lot of questions about why anyone would want to put there body through such a challenge. So here is my reflection on why I am training to do what seems impossible.

It all started this past New Years. I wanted to make a New Year's resolution that was spiritual because my relationship with God is really all that matters. I was praying about themes in my spiritual journey and the one thing that kept coming up were the words of Saint Paul, "I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" (2 Tim 4:7). I often feel like my journey with God is one of perseverance. He is often asking me to just keep going even when I don't understand or trust. He asks me to keep my eye on the finish line and never stop moving towards it. I decided I wanted a New Year's resolution that would help me meditate on that idea. Knowing that we are body and soul I wanted both to be involved. So I decided that my New Year's resolution would be to run a half marathon. I chose to train for the OC half marathon and make every run a prayer. Every time on a run when I was tempted to stop I would think about my finish line and keep going. I would often think of Our Lord who kept moving all the way to the cross. At times I would repeat these words of Saint Paul over and over again while I ran.

On May 1st I completed the OC half marathon. I was excited to have accomplished my goal BUT if you know me you know that I don't allow myself to do anything half way. I push myself to the limit and demand the best of myself, especially when it comes to the spiritual life. For me being good is never enough, I want to be a saint! Naturally for me anything with the word half in front of it is not enough. So when my good friends Olivia and Chelsea asked if I wanted to train and run a full marathon with them I knew I had to do it!

Training for a full marathon is like nothing I could have ever prepared myself for. Training for the half marathon was actually not all that bad and I believe most anyone is good health can do it. Training for a full marathon though requires a lot of mental commitment. I mentioned that I want to be a Saint right? My training runs for the marathon have given me the opportunity to meditate on what that really means. The Saints endured incredible obstacles and embraced a lot of pain to become truly sanctified. So many times during my training I have thought I wasn't strong enough and was tempted to change my registration to run another half marathon in October instead of the full marathon. I have endured serious knee pain, the loss two toenail (so far), and felt the strain on my body in general. I have had to say no to many other fun activities because I had a strict schedule of runs that I had to follow. When I am tempted to quit though I think of the Saints and how much they must have been tempted to quit and accept just being good instead of extreme lovers of the Lord. I haven't given up yet and with every run I feel myself getting stronger and closer to my goal.

On October 16th I will run 26.2 (don't ever forget the .2) miles and with every step I will ask the Lord through my body to strengthen and sanctify my spirit so that one day along with Saint Paul I will be able to say "I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

Disclaimer: I will agree that extreme sports like distance running can be dangerous for the body. I just believe that the pay off is greater than the risk.

Yoga 101

Keeping checking back here and I hope that people are just enjoying the summer and that's why there haven't been posts recently (and not that I killed the blog with my last downer post). Sorry.

Anyway - I've started taking a yoga class. My two pregnancies have left me with I think 3 working muscles in my tummy, and this is my great idea to fit that. So the plan is to be downward dogging every Tuesday night until the summer session is over. This is, however, not the first time I've taken classes with a yogi (or, as a yogi?). There was a brief period that a 5:30am class was a small part of my marriage prep.

Now, I know we're not supposed to judge, and I know that all the following is somewhat shallow of me. But. I could not help from comparing the two instructors. At my first classes, the girl was young, beautiful, in amazing shape, basically one solid muscle. The kind of instructor that has perfect, gravity defying hair, no matter what crazy twist pose she did. She also had no sweat glands.

This new instructor was an older, jolly lady, who I almost didn't realize was the instructor because she was definitely on the heavy side. Not crane lifting heavy, but probably about 50+ lbs. or so over a normal height/weight. She was (and I'm sure you all can see this coming) by far the better instructor. She focused on how we were doing, tailored the class to what poses would help us best. She encouraged questions and laughing (which I thought was a huge yoga/meditation/karma no-no). And, even at one point, stopped the class flow to explain how exactly to hold our hands so we would not get bad habits. Pause the Enya!

My old instructor never noticed that I had my child pose wrong and that I really didn't have the "yoga feet" down. She was busy taking all the poses "a little farther" and I guess thought we'd get used to the class flow and catch up (which is true also). However, although she was gently commanding us to BREATHE, I got the idea she had not let out all the way for some years. And the more I went, the more I realized that this class was only a part of her routine, not her whole exercise. Before class, I would see her on the treadmill at a full. out. run. A scary movie, guy behind me's got a knife run. Then she walked into class, taught, put away her mat and on my way out to the car, I would see her again on the Stephen King run.

Interesting isn't it? Put these two ladies together and I'm sure 99 out of 100 would say that the young, fit one was a walking advertisement for healthy living, but really, she seems tortured by her exercise routine. The new lady, though, seems to understand the purpose of her gentle poses. And I bet has more of an acquaintance with inner peace.

And she can hold pretty much any pose known to man. Then takes it "further."

Leaving the Church

I have realized over the past few months that a very dear friend of mine is leaving the Church. I've seen for a while that it was coming, but have been afraid of it. In hoping that it would not happen, I have not talked directly about it to him, and have encouraged my husband to not "push" him out of the Church. Sounds like obviously the wrong thing to do now, but at the time I couldn't think what to do.

Now - that he's left - I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I'm mad and want to beat him with reasons. (In this beautifully ordered world of ours, do you not think God would have an ordered way of worship?) Sometimes I'm sad and want to just ask him how he could believe so strongly and then just leave it all? His God he has worshiped for almost 30 years, just... not important anymore?

I have seen him attack all other authority figures, and knew it was not consistent to believe in the Church, but was hoping his belief in the teachings of the Church would help him see the light about the others. I'm not sure if he still believes in God, but I have a feeling that He is the next to go in my friend's search for importance, or independence, or himself.

This Sunday's reading is about the sower. I've always thought that the fertile ground, or rocky ground was describing different kinds of people, but maybe it's different times in our lives. In the parable, it's just the sower and the ground, God and my friend. There is no third helping person who brings the seed to the fertile ground. So maybe I need to accept that God can handle this relationship - but I keep trying to figure out a way that I can bring him back.

Ears to hear. Am I being called to intercede for my friend? Or is this a lesson for me to trust that God knows how to call His children to Him? I do feel called to pray for him, but feel my prayers inadequate.

Courtship

Here is a sermon my friend sent me regarding courtship and purity. So great to hear this coming from the pulpit! :)

http://traditionalsermons.com/sites/default/files/Sermon_2011-06-17-Courting.mp3

Find us ready, Lord

One of our fellow bloggers and I were recently discussing a talk a trusted priest gave, and I found it to be a source of great meditation this week. He spoke of the persecution he foresees as the homosexual agenda gets pushed in our culture, and how he wouldn't be surprised to be imprisoned for hate speech within his lifetime. For us, this could mean we flee the country eventually, if the Church here comes under attack, or we may face serious persecution ourselves. This is not intended to scare or serve as a prophecy. I lean towards a more hopeful outlook for mankind. It is hard for me to believe that people would be so closed to the truth and beauty of the faith. However, I know that Christ himself was crucified, and the blood of the martyrs has strengthened the Church for centuries.

Since this conversation, I have just found myself looking at my daily life. How do I spend my free moments? How am I a witness to others throughout my day? Do I stand up for truth in little ways? Am I afraid to speak of the beauty of the truth, which is true love, to my friends and family members? Am I ready to face persecution?

The reality is, we just never know when we may have our lives or freedom threatened just for being Catholic. I pray that we might all be ready to face whatever trials the Lord sends us knowing the He has won the war, and we have no reason to fear.

Quote of the day

"The correct theological term for many who label themselves 'liberal' or 'left-wing' or 'progressive' theologians is heretics."

from the Handbook of Catholic Apologetics