Finding Beautiful

We have had several posts recently about being beautiful so I thought it was an appropriate time to reflect with you all about how I came to find true beauty...

When I was a little girl I was a ballerina. I dreamed of one day dancing professionally but when I was in high school puberty didn't treat me so well and in a very short period of time I went from a slender dancer to a chubby teenager. I ended up hurting my knee and used that as my excuse for never having a real dance career. I know it had more to do with my confidence and weight issues. I did not see myself as beautiful. I didn't get much male attention and because I wasn't confident in my looks I failed to see myself as beautiful.

After college I decided I wanted to loose some weight. I not only lost some weight, I lost a lot of weight. I started getting a lot of male attention which encouraged me in my weight loss. (as a side note, I have an amazing Father, so these issues do not always stem from dads) I thought this would make me feel beautiful but honestly it didn't.

Then, two years ago I went on a mission trip to Honduras. It was there that I finally saw what real beauty is. I saw people who the world would not call beautiful but who are the true definition of beautiful. The people I served had a beauty that radiated from the inside out. For the first time in my life I met beauty that felt real and unfading. It was a beauty like what I imagine for the Blessed Mother. After Mary appeared to Saint Bernadette people asked Bernadette to explain what she looked like. She could not describe what she looked like but kept saying that she was the most beautiful lady. Her beauty was not external. It came from the essence of who Mary is. This is the beauty that I was craving. That is the beauty that women are called to bring to this world. It is no wonder I wasn't finding it through all my efforts with my body.

Now I don't worry so much about my weight or if people think I am beautiful physically. Yes I take time to get dressed and not look run down but I know that if I really want to be beautiful I need to make my soul beautiful. My focus is on working towards the beauty that Bernadette saw in our Blessed Mother and the beauty we all saw in Mother Teresa.

So girls, know through the skirt dare that what will make you more beautiful this month is not just the skirts you wear but how you allow your soul to also be a reflection of Mary the true model of femininity. During this month of skirts allow your heart to be open to loving more like her and you will find in yourselves a lasting eternal beauty.

A compilation of thoughts....

First off, the post before mine "Dare to Be Beautiful," inspired my post, so please stop reading mine and refer to that one first... really stop reading mine - that one is SO amazing... ok now that you've read that one, welcome back to mine.

The Lord is so wonderful! Today I've been thinking all day about our blog and what I would write today. So many topics have run through my mind - here's how it went (PS I really hope you read the post before mine before you read my crazy thoughts) 1. Has everyone heard about the Duggars, I love them, but I especially love them since they got rid of their jumpers! 2. I could write more about money saving techniques. 3. I could post my grandmother's banana bread recipe that I'm using today for the first time... but then I sat down to write something and read the Dare to Be Beautiful post! THANK YOU to the mom who wrote that!

I never buy things for myself, as I am constantly worried about making sure I spend Phil's paycheck in the most thrifty way possible. He is always trying to get me to buy a sweater or some shoes, but I always head to the store and end up coming back with nothing - I'm always saying "we can't afford it." Today I saw a white purse at WalMart and I really wanted it - it was only $10. I contemplated for 30 minutes, walked outside, actually got in my car to leave and thought "hey I can treat myself to one thing!" I just got paid from an event I helped work, so I'll make sure to tithe some money, spend a little bit, and throw the rest in savings to pay my student loans. (student loans are a whole different blog- don't get me started) To my surprise I didn't feel guilty for buying the purse, instead I'm quite excited about my purchase. Then to my delight I read the Beauty blog! Now I could have spent my money on a dress and while the issue of practicality still remains, I AGREE women should remmeber how important it is to feel and look beautiful. Phil says he doesn't care what I wear, but I know it makes him proud when I look nice and dress more feminine. Yesterday I worked an enchilada dinner and got enchilada sauce all over my dress, but I felt good in a dress and I didn't just roll in jeans and a shirt ready to get dirty.

If our wardrobe needs a little updating and there's a few dollars left in the bank account, let's head to the thrift store, or Target, Kmart, Walmart, Old Navy, even a sale at a nice store... let's remind people you can be attractive and modest during our dress dare! People need to realize they can be feminine and fashionable! We don't all have to wear jumpers to be modest (PS there's nothing wrong if that's your preference!) So perhaps sometime soon I'll treat myself to a new dress and realize it's worth the money .... I'll try not to feel guilty :)

Dare to be beautiful!

A woman in my homeschool group sent this amazing email yesterday and she said it was ok for me to share it with all of you:

Why is it that, for the most part, people’s image of Catholic homeschooling moms is pretty much synonymous with “homely”? Don’t get me wrong – I know many very attractive, stylish, wonderful Catholic homeschooling moms; however, that’s not the dominant image of a Catholic mom, not the image we have chosen to put out there for ourselves. My point is that for some reason we feel like we are holier if we are homely. There – I said it. But I don’t believe this is True. We tend to feel guilty for spending time on our looks, spending money on our clothes, spending energy on exercising our bodies. We feel like we are taking precious resources away from our family. I believe, though, that if we took seriously God’s design for us as women, His desire for our hearts (and bodies!) we would be the hottest mamas on the block!

A family needs the beauty of the woman. I think so often what happens (whether intentional or just by default) is that a woman's beauty is sacrificed for the needs of the family: she gains weight in pregnancy and never loses it; she doesn't have time to spend on attending to her looks as she gets ready each day (heck - sometimes it seems she barely gets time to brush her teeth let alone perfect her make-up); she spends money on clothes for the kids as they quickly outgrow theirs rather than on clothes for herself; she misses out on "beauty rest" in looking after the night-time needs of babies and sick kids; she shuttles her kids to activities and sports and so doesn't have time for activities and exercise of her own...Add all this up and you get a haggard, worn-out, dull (rather than radiant), frumpy, stressed out, resentful wife and mother. Her beauty has been "martyred." But this is so backward! This is NOT holiness -- this is NOT what God intended for woman and her beauty!!
-A husband needs his wife's beauty: he needs to feel proud to have her by his side knowing other men see her beauty and acknowledge she is his; he needs her beauty to call forth is strength, to call him to rise up and work hard to be more than he thinks he can be; he needs her beauty to rouse his desire to protect and fight for his family in the daily battles...
-A boy needs his mom's beauty: he needs to see his mom as the queen of her domain (the household) so that he can recognize his call to knighthood; he needs to learn that beauty is essential to woman and a key way woman differs from man; he needs to see how his dad responds authentically to his mom's beauty in order to learn to do so himself; he needs to see her beauty so he doesn't go off looking for beauty elsewhere before he's ready to battle for and win a beauty for himself...
-A girl needs her mom's beauty: she needs to learn how to be the beauty herself from one who's beauty she recognizes and admires; she needs to see the power and dignity of beauty and how it is authentically used / lived out (if beauty is one of woman's key "weapons," a girl needs to be initiated and trained in the authentic and proper care and use of this weapon / tool); she needs beauty to aspire to, to call her forth to rise up and embrace her own beauty; she needs to see beauty courageous lived to give her courage to live out her beauty in a world that can be hostile to authentic beauty; she needs to see how her dad responds to her mom's beauty, how her mom's beauty calls forth her dad's authentic expression and exercise of strength so that she can hold this up as the standard for how men should respond to her beauty...
A woman's beauty needs to be offered up for her family, NOT sacrificed and "martyred" for her family. It needs to be lived and used for her family's glory and glorification, not used up for them to live in comfort.

This is not said to make you feel guilty or to heap another demand upon you; this is to give you permission to be the beauty you long to be! This doesn’t mean that we ought to spend hours on our appearance and neglect our families. No, we’re not called to look like Victoria Secret runway models. We don’t necessarily need to wear make-up, shop the latest styles, and make daily pilgrimages to the gym. What this means is that first we must acknowledge that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. We as women are the clearest, truest reflection on this earth of God’s beauty. That is a real responsibility that we must take seriously – and yet a tremendous honor that we should delight in. We should take joy in being the beauty, in embracing our femininity. We do ourselves, our families, indeed the world a disservice if we hide our beauty. You are beautiful – don’t hide that under a bushel basket – let your light, your beauty shine!

-Mary K.

Book Review: He Leadeth Me by Walter J. Ciszek

I recently finished reading a powerful book.  If you have not read He Leadeth Me by Walter J. Ciszek, please click here and order it immediately.  You will be grateful that you did!  He Leadeth Me is a spiritual memoir of an American Jesuit priest who was arrested as a political prisoner by the Soviet Union during and after WWII.  Ciszek ends up spending 23 grueling years in prison, work camps and solitary confinement.  He describes in his memoirs how and why he managed to withstand despair and endure all of his hardships through prayer and by relying on God's providence.

“… every moment of our life has a purpose, that every action of ours, no matter how dull or routine or trivial it may seem in itself, has a dignity and a worth beyond human understanding... For it means that no moment can be wasted, no opportunity missed, since each has a purpose in man’s life, each has a purpose in God’s plan. Think of your day, today or yesterday. Think of the work you did, the people you met, moment by moment. What did it mean to you- and might it have meant for God? Is the question too simple to answer, or are we just afraid to ask it for fear of the answer we must give?”

This book was deeply moving for me.  I am already rereading sections of it as I go through my day, and I have a feeling that I will be referring to it for the rest of my life.  This must- read and inspirational book provides hope to all Christians in our ordinary struggles and our darkest hours.

I cleaned a toilet today!

Now, this seemingly tiny task may be trivial to you, but it feels so GOOD and like I've just accomplished something HUGE. You see, in the past 5 weeks since Gigi was born my only goal has been feed the babies, dress the babies, diaper the babies, shower, and do the laundry (10 loads a week!). Aside from that I have not been able to get anything done. God has needed me, and still needs me, to just learn to let things go. I am NOT supermom. I am NOT perfect. I need help. It has been so humbling to have so many families bring us dinner - something my brain still hasn't figured out how to do with a newborn around. And I will admit, I finally broke down and am having someone clean my house next week. I have been feeling like such a failure because the mail is everywhere and toys are everywhere and the house just feels like a wreck. Hopefully starting with a clean slate will get us back into our cleaning routine. I guess as long as I'm following God's will everything is a ok! And a little clutter won't kill me...right?

Hey all you readers out there...

We are now on day 4 of the "Dress Dare." Comment on this post and let us know how it is going. How is the dare effecting you? What reaction are you receiving from others? Are you facing any challenges? If so, how are you solving those challenges? I would love to hear from any and all of you.

Culture Clash

Thought this was interesting and worth sharing...

The Pill Kills Sex Drive

The Imitation of Mary

As many have mentioned in previous posts the Blessed Virgin is our perfect example of femininity as well as motherhood for some of us. May is also the month of Mary so I was thinking we could read a Marian book, such as The Imitation of Mary or The World's First Love, along with wearing our beautiful dresses and skirts. The Imitation of Mary would be easiest for us moms because they are short, but beautiful, meditations with prays at the end about how to imitate Our Lady in our daily lives. I will say thanks to Occultus Matris (how did you get this nickname?) for giving me the idea with her meditation and prayer post yesterday.

The picture to the right is called Innocence and is one of my favorite Marian pictures. Doesn't she look so beautiful and Jesus and the Lamb look so peaceful in her arms? Just thought I would comment on my own post about the picture.

It is now day 4 of the Dress Dare and I am proud to say I am 4 for 4. I must say that wearing skirts really is comfortable. I really do feel more feminine in skirts/dresses. My sister has taken the dare and said she might start wearing skirts/dresses everyday!

Dress Dare Supplies

Have you noticed that the dress and skirt hemlines are much shorter this season?  I have been having trouble finding attractive skirts to suit my active lifestyle and appreciation for fashion.

I recently came across Vintage Hem, a website that sells cute modern-day petticoats.  I am considering adding one of these to my wardrobe!  This seems like an adorable and fashionable solution to help make trendy skirts more feminine and modest.  I bet they would be great for pregnancy too, when your hemline in front starts elevating inches above the back.

Do you have any favorite feminine and modest fashion finds??

Saintly Beauty

"Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender."

-St. Terese of Lisieux

Something to meditate upon

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting, but the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Little Prayer

Lord, help me to remember not to place my trust and hope in things of this world, but solely in YOU.

Dress and Skirt Sales

Just to let you all know, several stores including Target, Old Navy (on-line), and JC Penny are all having skirt and dress sales. Did someone tell them about our dare?

History of Dress-es

Since we're on day 2 of this dress dare, and we may be facing some questions from those around us who notice that we've suddenly stopped wearing pants, I figured it may be helpful to share some of what I have discovered about the history of women's dress, and the changes that have occurred in the last century.

In a letter dated August 9, 1838, a Freemason (known enemies of the Church) wrote to another Freemason, "in order to destroy Catholicism, it is necessary to commence by suppressing woman...but since we cannot suppress woman, let us corrupt her..." Less than a century later, this was followed by an article in the International Review on Freemasonry, 1928, that states, 

"It is necessary to corrupt that our boys and girls practice nudism in dress. To avoid too much reaction, one would have to progress in a methodical manner: first, undress up to the elbow; then up to the knees; then arms and legs completely uncovered; later, the upper part of the chest, the shoulders, etc. etc." Almost a century later, let us look around. Scary, huh?

 
The Blessed Mother knew very well what the Freemasons were trying to do, and what was about to happen. When she appeared to Blessed Jacinta at Fatima (1910-1920), she warned, “"the sins which bring most souls to hell are the sins of the flesh. Certain fashions are going to be introduced which will offend Our Lord very much... the Church has no fashions; Our Lord is always the same..."

Around this same time in the 1920s, Coco Chanel was causing quite a ruckus in the fashion world with her bob haircut and clingy clothing. This was also when designers Yves Saint-Laurent and Courreges introduced the pantsuit, but these styles didn't catch on until the 1960s. In the 60s, the trend of the voluptuous woman was slipping away as the popularity of models like Twiggy inspired a more straight, boyish shape. Then came the birth control pill, breastfeeding was seen as repulsive, and the "feminist" movement took on a whole new form. Women suddenly began wearing the pants.

This new fashion trend sparked advertising agencies to prepare marketing research. They tracked the path that a man's eyes take when looking at a woman in pants. They found that when he viewed the woman from the back, he looked directly at her bum. From the front, the man's eyes didn't go to her face, or her chest, but rather dropped directly to her most intimate area. Advertisers found a way to apply the Law of Closure and the Law of Good Continuation, which basically state that men's train of thought naturally fills in gaps, so if a woman is wearing pants, which separate her legs, his eyes will follow up her legs and finish the picture in their imagination. These studies led marketers to use images like that of Brooke Shields, who became so well known for her Calvin Jeans ads.

I will conclude with just one story of a saint, who is now incorruptible, from the last century. A Canadian woman was visiting Italy, and had the honor of having her confession heard by Padre Pio. Only she was refused absolution because she sold slacks and pantsuits in her dress shop in Vancouver. He commanded her to return home, dispose of all of this stock, and not give any of the items to people who might wear them. He said if she wanted absolution she should then return to Italy. He said her alternative was to seek absolution elsewhere but he told her he would know whether she'd done it or not. Now, who knows if Padre Pio would do this same thing in this generation, but his shows just how scandalous this fashion was! Have you seen pictures of Padre Pio's incorruptible body? I'm pretty sure he was quite serious with his advice and the fact that he would "know" if she carried it out or not.

 
So, there are the facts, the history, and the evolution of dress in the last century. We are not saying pants are evil, but there must be some reason that women for centuries before us never wore them. I guess we'll find out in the next month, how we feel going back to the days where women wore the skirts and the men wore the pants. Given what the Blessed Mother said to Jacinta, I think Mary would be quite pleased that we’ve chosen to honor in this way. Dare to dress!

For more history and the Church's views of modesty, read "Dressing with Dignity" by Colleen Hammond

I am a woman of God, hear me roar...

I started commenting on Jaunebug's post and apparently had so much to say that I decided to make it a post of its own.  I am only twenty-four hours into the dress dare and I have a lot on my mind...

It is a wonderful time yet a very difficult time to be a woman.  We have more opportunities and choices than ever, but at the same time we feel as though we are being pulled in every direction and stretched in every area of life.

On one hand, they are telling us to focus on our education, earn five or six degrees and put everything into our careers until we are running a major corporation.  There is no time for love and marriage, we must ignore our fertility and wear ugly pant-suits.  Be like men, they tell us, and then you will have power and you will be respected.

On the flip end, our over-sexualized culture and media tells us that we are "empowered" by our feminine bodies.  Our main goal must be to be outwardly beautiful.  Strut, flaunt, show some skin, enhance, tuck, eat this, wear that...  Men will want you, and you will have power over them.  Unfortunately in this case, we are being objectified, used, and reduced to body parts.

Lastly, some tell us to do it ALL. Work full-time, have two children, do the housework, pay the bills, go out with your girlfriends, run the PTA, cook and eat healthy, exercise, get promoted, plan your best friend's wedding and travel with your husband.  We all know that as ideal as this sounds (and it probably sounds more like your life than the other options), it is overall unrealistic and undoubtedly related to the increase in heart disease these days. 

Is there a happy medium in all of these mixed messages?  What about the part when i said that it is a wonderful time to be a woman?  This is when I am so grateful for my faith. 

I have strong and feminine modern day saints to lead me and pray for me.  Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta was literally called to change the world, by loving the poorest of the poor.  St. Gianna Beretta Molla was a working mother, (a physician!), who laid down her life so that her baby could live.  And of course I have Mary, the model of all women and femininity, to pray for me and to guide me to her son.

As women today in the United States, our opportunities are endless.  So how do we chose, if we can't do it all?  We don't.  Rather, we listen to what God wants from us.  God knows what is best for us and if we stay close to Him, follow his guidance and give of ourselves through love, we will fulfill our vocation as women.  We will be strong AND feminine, we will be respected AND beautiful.  For some women, this will mean a life of service.  For some it will mean a life of prayer.  For some it will mean a career (though I doubt He will require a pantsuit from you).   For some it will mean marriage.  For most, it will mean motherhood, either physically or spiritually.  For many, it will include little bits of everything. 

God gave every human being equal dignity, but he created men and he created women. He made us different and complementary, as a part of His greater plan.  He created YOU for a purpose.  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Ps 139:13).   Being a woman today means so many things, all reflective of His greatness.  So I dare you to wear your skirt because you love being a woman, and let's stand united in a new feminism that always shines forth God's greatness and love.

I wear the skirt

in my marriage, in my family. And this is not a bad thing.

I am a women who is happy to be a women. Nothing against men, but I am not trying to be a man and am glad I'm not a man. I would make a terrible man. I am soft, feminine, supportive and loving to my husband and (hopefully) to all people around me. I am not weak, nor unintelligent, unmotivated, and I am not "mooching" off my husband's hard work.

And it makes me upset when people assume that feminine = weak or anything of the like.

For instance, we are looking into buying a house. And without going into too many details, it was made clear to me that my husband was considered the buyer (or as they put it "the decision maker"), while I was the little wife whose ideas, thoughts and questions were not as important. I am sure that the stress of looking for a house, and pregnancy hormones did not help.

But when I told (was complaining to) some friends about this, they're answer was "and you're going to wear skirts for a month?"

Somewhere along the way, I think people decided that all skirts were made out of doormats. This is why I've decided to do the Dress Dare. All the women that I know who are doing this are strong, beautiful, intelligent women. Women who you look up to. Women who you see in a skirt and think "well, if she's wearing a skirt, then maybe it's a good thing." Maybe all these ideas about how wearing a skirt means that you've given up on your own identity, you're own soul, are wrong.

Well - I'm glad to wear the skirt, and glad that some of my brilliant friends are challenging the rest of us to show the world with what we wear that true femininity means being a strong, beautiful, soft, intelligent, confident, rational being enlivened by God's own spark burning within us. (And not some wanna-be in an ugly pant suit.)

Grab your skirts, shave those legs and join us!