B is for... the Bond of Breastfeeding

Many know the benefits of breastfeeding, as far as it being the best nutrition for your baby. It's quite clear, that God did things right when he made us capable of producing all the nutrition our baby needs, even when it leaves the womb. I don't believe there's a single pediatrician that would say differently. It also has many health benefits for the mother as well: helping the uterus contract to stop post-partum bleeding, reducing risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancers, lessening osteoporosis, and aiding in post-partum weight loss. Not only are there health benefits on both sides, but there is a bonding that occurs between a breastfeeding mother and her child that is irreplaceable.

The oxytocin hormone that is stimulated during breastfeeding is the hormone that bonds people for life. It is released during childbirth, during breastfeeding, and during the marital act. It produces endorphins which make us associate that person with positive physical and emotional feelings. God was so brilliant in designing our bodies, that He literally gave us a way to be not just emotionally, and spiritually attached, but physically as well. This bond between a mother and a child, can never be broken.

I am one of those women whose hormones make breastfeeding painful in the first few weeks post-partum, and when pregnant. Getting through those first few weeks with my daughter nursing frequently and it being so painful was the toughest part of the post-partum period for me. The most self-sacrificial thing I've done thus far in my life was continuing to nurse my daughter 22 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy, because it was excruciatingly painful. She was 20 months old when she finally stopped. We tried just about everything short of leaving her alone in her room, screaming herself to sleep. As much as I wanted her to be, she was not ready to give up that time, cuddled up, getting that bonding time. It wasn't about nutrition anymore, as I'm quite sure my milk was drying up, if not dried up completely. The positive feelings she got from nursing just could not be replaced by a cup of warm milk, or even just extra hugs. The experience was so painful for me I had to use labor techniques to bear through the pain without letting her sense the stress my body felt. It was an incredible challenge, but she finally weaned when she had to due to pre-term bleeding and contractions with placenta previa (fortunately, she'd basically weaned by that point anyways). While I desperately wanted her to stop sooner, I can't say I would change anything about how I handled it. She did not give it up until she was ready, and since our Lord very clearly calls us to self-sacrifice, particularly for our children, it was my job to lead her in the most gentle way possible, so that she knew she was still loved and could trust me.

Now, I see so many benefits to the hours I spent, so close to her. She is definitely daddy's girl, but if she is hurt, scared, or tired, she reaches for me. Just last week we were in the car and my husband was sitting next to her for a change, while we were trying to get her to nap on a long drive. Half an hour into the drive, she was crying while yawning, kicking to try to get out of her car seat. The moment I switched with my husband and sat next to her, putting my hand on her chest, she quieted, closed her eyes, and dosed off. She has developed a trust in me, because I was always there to nourish and comfort her, that is just not as strong with anyone else.

There is no doubt that a father-daughter bond is just as important. She does rely on my husband and can be comforted by him, but it definitely is not the same. We are bonded not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically and she has a bodily response to my touch that calms and soothes her. It is a unique gift we have been given as women, to create this particular bond. We are capable of using our femininity in an intimate gift of self to our children, giving them not only nourishment of body, but of soul as well.

I am so grateful for being able to breastfeed her as long as I did. I encourage any mothers out there who are struggling with getting through those first few weeks of soreness (I promise you the day will come when it actually feels good), or any other breastfeeding challenges to persevere. Reach out to support systems like lactation consultants, La Leche League , or my personal favorite, fellow Catholic moms, and just give it your best shot. There are many moms who can't nurse, despite their desires, and they will find other ways to bond, but if you're capable, I encourage you to do it for your baby's body and soul.