C is for Courtship

I have in the past written a few blogs about courtship. I feel compelled to write about it once again as another season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette series comes to an end. It amazes me that we have gotten so far from healthy dating that we are being sucked in my the millions to a show that is the polar opposite of healthy dating. I will never understand why people are shocked when relationships made on that show fail. I could go on forever about the problems with that show but instead of cursing the darkness I thought I would focus on the light and on what healthy courtship should look like.

The purpose of dating is marriage, plain and simple. Any other motivation is likely to end with one or both people hurt in the end. We are created by and made for a love that has no end because all love comes from and leads us to the infinite God. Because dating is pointed toward marriage it is important to date right and have a proper discernment.

Below are a few aspects that I think are extremely important in healthy and holy Christian dating.

1. Both people must be at a place in their life where they are ready to get married. This means they are both spiritually and emotionally ready to enter into a covenant. Both are ready to lovingly accept children since that is one of the purposes of marriage. The man is financially ready to provide for his family. This doesn't mean you have to be rich. Living simply and coupon clipping isn't a bad thing.

2. At most a simple kiss can be shared. Anything more is inappropriate before marriage.

3. In the beginning the couple should spend some time in a group. We often get the best look at who a person is when we see them in their comfortable social circle. Spending time in groups will allow the two people to better figure out who the other person is.

4. Make sure that the amount of time you spend together reflects the commitment that exists. Before engagement your family should be a high priority so don't start neglecting them. In fact, it would be a great idea of include your family in your courtship. Other friendships are important too so make sure you are not neglecting them. Also, make sure also that you spend time with both of your groups of friends.

5. Listen to the opinions of your trusted family and friends. They often times might see something that you don't because they have an outside perspective. It is easy to be caught up in the excitement of dating and miss important aspects of discernment. If you have a good father, listen to him and make sure he approves of he man you are courting.

6. Lastly, Be careful how much of your heart you give to the man you are being courted by. It is important to allow men to lead so until they ask for a woman's heart it should in no way be offered. A lady protects and guards her heart until a man invites it to be given.


DISCLAIMER: This does not mean that relationships that do not follow this advice are doomed to fail. I am simply offering you a way of dating that has proven to be very fruitful for many centuries and that I personally find protects me as a daughter of the king of heaven.