H is for...Heart of the Home

"A wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish will pull down with her hands that also which is built."- Proverbs 14:1

As women, particularly those of us who are married and stay-at-home moms, we probably find that much of our daily duties are those within the home. Our phones and purses may be filled with grocery lists, recipes, chores to be completed, and our laundry baskets and sinks beckon us in the evenings or at nap time. While it may sound mundane, personally, I can think of no better way to spend my days, than by caring for my children, my family, and creating and maintaining our home.

Our Lord consistently described the "good wife" in scripture as one tending to her household with diligence, and with genuine care (Proverbs 31). While feminists may focus on the woman's roles outside the home, our Lord tells us that true femininity is strengthened and best expressed, when a wife and mother focuses inside the home. My role as a wife and mother, is to be the heart of the home, while my husband is the head.

I could focus on the chores that usually make up my day, but that's really not what makes me the heart of the home. Whenever I become overwhelmed with the number of things on my to-do lists, my husband is quick to remind me that while he loves my cooking, and appreciates his clothes being magically returned to his closet cleaned and organized, he prefers take out and a house in disarray if it means coming home to a joyful, warm wife. We can have the cleanest house, with the best food around, but if there's no joy, who wants to be there?

My husband grew up in a Colombian household, where there is a saying that there is never too little food for an extra person, and that anything can be turned into a bed. I grew up in a traditional American home, but ours happened to be the house where everyone came to play because my mom always had the best snacks and didn't mind having a bunch of kids in her backyard or huddled around the tv playing nintendo. One of our goals is to create a home where our friends and loved ones always feel welcome. It's been a great source of growth for me to host and serve guests, not just with dinners, but by providing a place to sleep families and friends. We might only have air mattresses and couches, but we've managed to host a Catholic band of 4 young adults for a week pretty comfortably.

Given the Colombian culture of my husband, and that you never know when we might have an extra person for dinner, I've learned to cook enough food for at least one extra person. It'll either get sent home with my in-laws who frequently pass by in the evenings, eaten for lunch the next day, or frozen for a quick-fix meal later on. Cooking for 4 is hardly more expensive than cooking for 2 + a toddler, and if it means that I can serve better and more joyfully, then it's worth it, even if the leftovers just go the dog. It is my husband, serving as the head of the household, who sees very clearly the virtue of charity in this, who's led me to this place.

The key to all this, is doing it with love. It is essential to include prayer in our day, to keep us centered on the subject of all that we do. Cooking, cleaning, catering to the needs of others strengthens us as women because these are acts of charity. Opening our home to others has allowed us to feed not only bellies, but souls. Relationships grow and when friends are in need, they know where they are going to be welcomed and loved, and it's allowed us to minister at those times. It is the same with my husband and children. When my husband knows that he's coming home to a home with a wife and child who are ready to greet him with hugs, kisses, smiles, and stories of daily happenings, it drives him all the more to work hard to get through his day quickly and efficiently. This is why the "wise woman buildeth her house," knowing that it will benefit everyone around her, which will bring the most grace and joy to her.

If our vocation is to be a wife and mother, let us make this our priority, and not be the fool who tears down what she builds with her own hands. If we aren't making sure that our actions are rooted in love, we may find ourselves cranky, balls of stress that bulldoze the towers of laundry we fold and give a bitter taste to the food we cook.